My au pair keeps laughing at me

[NameHasChanged]

Since I went back to work full time, we have had au pairs to do after school pick-ups and pitch in with ironing etc.
We've had three and the first two were great, so much so that I used to take them along to family outings at weekends and really they were part of our lives as one of the family.
However, this latest one, who is Hungarian, has slowly but surely started to drive me completely mad. She has a nervous habit of laughing at everything I say or do, and the same for my husband and the kids.
It's like living with the Laughing Policeman, eg:
Me: Kids! put your school shoes on, we're going to be late AGAIN
Au pair: ah ha ha ha ha ha
Me: DS, why didn't you tell me it was football today, your kit is still in the wash
Au pair: tee hee hee hee hee hee
Me: DH, don't forget it's parents' evening tonight
DH: Oh hell, I said I was going to play tennis, do I have to?
Au Pair: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Anyway, I have been hanging on for her to go home for a fortnight tomorrow from Gatwick but it's looking increasingly like we'll be stuck with her for Christmas. I now have got tto the point where she is irritating me so much it's probably quite obvious. I'm sure the poor girl has no idea what she is doing wrong, as she is hard-working, helpful and tidy and in every other respect absolutely fine.
I have spoken to her three times about the laughing. First I told her twice not to laugh when I was disciplining the kids, as it undermined the process, she seemed to take that on board and has stopped more or less.
Then yesterday while DH was shouting at me to get the dog under control and the dog was scrabbling all over my lap in the car laddering my tights, I did say rather snappily: "Please stop laughing, you sound like you are laughing at me." She stopped rather suddently and apologised and sounded really rather shocked. but then we went to a farm to get a Christmas tree and it was back to:
DH: Where are the christmas trees, then?
AP: hahahaha
ME: Please get one that doesn't shed needles this year
AP; Hoohoo hoo hoo hoo
DH but they are more expensive
AP: tee hee hee hee
ME: Worth it though..
AP: hahahahahHAHAHA

DH reckons it is such a deep-seated habit that she won't be able to change it and we will just make her unhappy and self conscious if we mention it. I think she could get it under control as she doesn't do it on the phone to her relatives in Hungary. i think it's a mix of feeling awkward here, not understanding half of what is being said and wanting to contribute to the conversation in what she thinks is a jolly, positive way. She also says WOW a lot and WAAAH!, i think for want of any actual English words she can think of. Her English isn't bad though, I'd say about as good as my GCSE French, say.
I'm tempted to have a word but don't know where to start - or should I just ring the agency, send her home and get another one?
To all who think this is the most boring, trivial and bourgeois problem ever, I really do apologise - and agree!

Poor thing, it's obviously a nervous habit and also a reaction to not being able to join in the conversation. You say her english is ok, like GCSE level but believe me when you are miles from home and surrounded by people all speaking really fast it is completely different. I was an au pair at 18 and had an excellent A level result but living in the country and talking to native speakers was like learning another language.

Incidentally, I too laugh all the time apparently and was completely unaware until recently when my ASD DS2 pointed out how annoying it was

No, it's not trivial. That kind of thing can drive you potty after a while. However, I don't think you should ask her leave as not only is that not fair, but you might end up with an au pair with a real problem. Like stealing. Or trying to cosy up to your husband.

You should just keep stressing how much it upsets/irritates you, and hopefully she will stop doing it.

I think I found her mom. www.buzzfeed.com/melismashable/hungarian-woman-laughs-uncontrollably-1ase

Thanks OP, I have been crying with laughter reading your post!

Your life must be quite lovely if this feels like a problem. She is definitely not laughing at you, I agree that its a nervous thing and lack of language skills, so should improve. Sounds like she already has improved on the things you spoke to her about.

How about you all join in and have a good laugh together?

Hohoho!

Awww - poor girl, please don't be too hard on her. It's not like she's being unkind (can understand you not wanting her to laugh when you're disciplining the kids). If she's great in every other respect then cut her some slack. If she's awkward, highlighting it will only make it worse and I imagine she'll stop doing this as she settles in.

oh dear. Poor girl. Don't think you can say anything - I'd have been in floods if young and away from home and my boss (cos that is how you probably feel to her) had said something like that to me. Esp if my xmas plans to go home had just been spoilt. I was a bit wimpy to be fair but it sounds like she might be too. I can see it is annoying but I think it is probably part of parcel of what you have to put up with having someone live in your home.

ha ha ha hee hee hee. have just been crying with laughter. and woke up the baby. AND it was worth it. Think you should buy a jotter, follow her round and make a novel out of it

that's so funny! Poor girl must be v nervous. Poor you too though!

We've just realised that our au pair may not make it back to France for Christmas, and although we like her, the thought of not having a fortnight of being on our own as a family has put me in a mood, too. We have different minor irritation, not inappropriate laughing, but I really snapped at her about it today, which I've never done before.

Having moaned a lot on MN about our last AP, I am just realising how good the current one is. she laughs a lot (!) but not in a bad or annoying way. And while she is due to fly home on Wed from Gatwick, the thought that it might not happen is not as bad as it might have been. Checkmate...if this had been in the summer, I think I would have killed the then AP, not just snapped. good luck to all.

Get rid.

You are not getting on. It would drive me mental as well. .

Actually been thinking about this today. I used to share an office with someone who laughed inappropriately and towards the end of the six months that I did, I was about ready to throw myself out of the window, it was just me and her in this room and I couldn't look at her most of the time even

Me: Good Morning
Her Good Morning, he,he, ha,ha, ho, ho

Me: Good Weekend?
Her: Heh, Heh, Yes, Heh, Heh, You?

It really did get unbearable and me and all the staff used to talk about her and try to analyse WHY she was like that, it makes you quite nervous and you dread speaking to them only to be greeted by a gale of hilarity.

Oh dear, that post had me in stiches. Especially the Christmas tree conversation interspersed with the different types of laughing such as Hoohoo hoo hoo hoo
:o I think your dh is right and that it is a deep seated habit that she won't be able to change easily, but can certainly see why it would be annoying. It would prob drive me round the bend to be honest. I think maybe have a word, but try to approach it in a kindly way, bearing in mind she probably doesn't realise she is doing it. Ask her about it and explain that you find it quite awkward and see what she says. Let us know how you get on. Will now read the other replies, so maybe you have already told us what the outcome was!

Thank heaven for MUA. Yes, she's a worker so you need to abide by your contract. You can dismiss her with appropriate notice because you think you're incompatible if you wish - you've given it a fair shot but having someone living with and working for you who does your head in isn't productive. Just make it clear to her that it's not her 'fault', you have no issues with her work, you'll provide a reference and you understand she probably can't help it. But if it's annoying you that much then it's clearly not working.

Are you agency members of the BAAPA? Because they really should know better than to perpetrate the cultural exchange/not an employee myth.

My dh starts to speak in a Welsh accent when he really loses his temper and it just bloody sends me into hysterics, which of course, just makes him lose his temper even more

Perhaps the poor girl is just feeling out of her depth language wise and laughing is a way of decreasing her feelings of tension.

Either that, or she's just plain daft

"Au pair" means "at the same level [as the family]", not employee. So relax with her, and with yourself, and talk about it in a kindly fashion.

It might mean on a par with but recent changes in legislation abolished the status of au pair for all except Romanians and Bulugarians (and even that is as a waiver under the coloured card scheme for 'au pair placements'). The Payir case established all au pairs as workers and a recent employment tribunal upheld the right of an au pair to the same conditions as other workers, specifically with regard to holidays.

Be careful. MNers have been threatened with employment tribunals by au pairs before now when they didn't follow the rules and the au pair found out. The cultural exchange is an ideal, not a legal framework. Exemption from NMW on 'pocket money' and not paying tax/NI because it's below the threshold have nothing to do with other employment rights. An au pair has the rights under employment law anyone else would have, regardless of where they or the term comes from.

But I do agree that the best solution is to talk about it kindly btw! Just that if you decide you can't put up with it you can get rid as long as you do it properly, which means giving notice etc. Annoying you with her laughter isn't grounds for instant dismissal for gross misconduct the way theft or hitting your DCs would be.

Can't help thinking of this

Does anyone remember Melanie in Neighbours? I know it is going back a bit...

Picked this up late, but just about the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Sounds just like my family with DH ticking me off about he dog, and au pair pissing you off for reasons that you wish you could have specified in the contract in the first place. Hilarious. We are on our 5th or 6th aupair now, they always last a year and by month 9 I am guaranteed to want to punch them in the face for some reason or other. Hope you got rid of her!

If you are going to move her on, I don't how you can tell her it is due to her annoying laugh without crushing her confidence. Have a heart. She is someone's daughter.

If you say she is great with her work and good with the kids, you should just count your lucky stars and put up with the laughter. You have had a good run of aupairs so just suck it up. Or chances are karma will come and bite you and you will end up with a string of lousy 'cool' aupairs who do not think twice about deceiving you behind your back or skipping families with barely a week's notice.

FWIW, my current aupair is also Hungarian. She is shyer and less confident that previous (W. European) aupairs with some nervous traits due to poorer language skills but very diligent and honest. I can overlook a multitude of sins after some shockers of aupairs.