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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is my friend?

28 replies

GeraldineAubergine · 18/12/2010 20:00

Was supposed to have friend round for tea today, had everything ready for ham in cola. The snow started but busses were running still. Friend said she couldn't come so dp offered to get her a taxi (and pay) so we could see her before Xmas. She couldn't get a cab and claimed no busses but would keep trying. I said fine just let me know. Prepared meal no sign of friend. She wouldn't answer phone or respond to msg's and i was worried she had become stranded.finally three hours late after i left several worried messages said she wasn't coming. Dp annoyed and thought she was rude so told her so, I feel guilty because now we have all fallen out before Xmas dp says she deserves it (has done things like this a lot). Aibu? Is she? Is he?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 18/12/2010 20:02

She has been a bit rude, but I suppose she had decided she couldn't face the cold, and felt you were badgering her and wouldn't take no for an answer- hence her rude avoidance techniques.

You were all being a bit unreasonable really.

tomhardyismydh · 18/12/2010 20:07

YANBU at all she should have been upfront and said thanks but no thanks sorry to let you down yada yada, no need to ignore you.

I has similar thing in the summer and F just didnt show I got hold of her after I had cooked and she had some excusse that was not even acceptable for a no show with out letting me know IMHO.

I did as your dh and told her that I was disapointed as I had made alot of effort and I have not heard from her since. I couldnt care less friends like this arent worth it.

so you may run the risk of her being offended and never talking to you agian.

arentfanny · 18/12/2010 20:10

She did say she couldn't come, you should have accepted that and stopped badgering her.

brokeoven · 18/12/2010 20:13

well, it isnt a problem anymore is it...because you are no longer friends.

BTW how gorgeous is ham in coke....i do it in my slow cooker and its to die for. You have got the whole thing to yourself now mmmmmmmmmm

ScarlettWalking · 18/12/2010 20:14

I think you should have accepted when she said she couldn't come which she actually did tell you. Why on earth did you keep badgering her to come?

Have you seen the weather at the moment? - I don't blame her for not wanting to travel.
YABU

SantasENormaSnob · 18/12/2010 20:16

Bit of both imo.

She said she couldn't travel and you kept pushing the issue.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 18/12/2010 20:19

yABU

you cooked a meal knowing she had already said she most likely wasn't coming.

she should have let you know for sure that she wasn;t coming but tbh it sounds like you badgered her. maybe she was trying to get transport that whole time and didn't have a definite answer to give you so didn't answer.

Original poster
GeraldineAubergine · 18/12/2010 20:30

It does seem from my op that I badgered her but in fact she phoned us after saying she couldn't come saying she really wanted to, which is when dp offered to get a cab. As far as I knew she was still coming or had set off, that's why I badgered her I was worried she was stranded or something. Thanks for the responses, I was being a pain but it was only because I was worried. I think the onus is on me to apologise. Awbu.

OP posts:
Booandpops · 18/12/2010 20:31

How do u cook ham in coke? Ta

muddleduck · 18/12/2010 20:33

A misunderstanding.

No need to stress :)

BitOfFun · 18/12/2010 20:34

Yes, I would like the ham in coke recipe too please Xmas Grin

Original poster
GeraldineAubergine · 18/12/2010 20:35

Simmer 2kg gammon in 2l coke with an onion for 2hrs ish. Take out of liquid remove skin, score fat and stud with cloves. Put 1tbsp treacle over fat then pat with 2tsps mustard powder and 2tbs of Demerara sugar. Roast at 240 degrees for 15 mins.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 18/12/2010 20:35

I think it was rude of her not to keep in touch with you and let you know what was happening - or not happening. It is horrible that she allowed you to worry about her when she was sat somewhere warm & comfy ignoring your messages.

cumbria81 · 18/12/2010 20:36

Sorry, but - ham in coke?

As in COKE?!

Hmmm....

brokeoven · 18/12/2010 20:37

or just empty a full 2L bottle of full fat coke into the slow cooker over the ham and leave all day. put it on low

lusssshhhhh

BitOfFun · 18/12/2010 20:39

Does the acid tenderise it or something? I am intrigued...

SixtyFootDoll · 18/12/2010 20:40

oh i lurve ham in coke, its a Nigella recipe here

brokeoven · 18/12/2010 20:45

dunno what it does but it tastes gorgeous. Thing is you get a couple of meals out of it as well. plus we get butties the next day.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 18/12/2010 20:46

A misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion thanks to your DH (although I am confused as to why him telling her she was rude means you have fallen out - can't you just make it clear that you don't have a problem with the situation?)

Depending on where you are, travelling is foolish in the extreme. Conditions deteriorate very quickly so you should have just accepted her initial regret.

Also I have found that since the snow my phone has been hopeless - text messages and voicemails take ages to come through, calls cannot be connected etc and we are in Surrey. Hardly the worst effected area.

trixie123 · 18/12/2010 21:03

make sure you use full fat coke not diet as you need the sugar to caramelise. Also, you csn do it with cider or apple juice - very christmassy!

muddleduck · 18/12/2010 21:25

I mocked my mum for years for cooking her ham with coke. Was very embarrassed to find out how yummy it is.

Original poster
GeraldineAubergine · 18/12/2010 21:27

It's a shame she isn't talking to me now so won't get to try it. It was nice :)

OP posts:
Booandpops · 18/12/2010 22:27

I'm gonna try that. Thanx

A1980 · 19/12/2010 00:54

She shouldn't have left it 3 hours before letting you know for sure what her plans were.

I have a friend who lives in an area that is subject to heavy snow and she tells me straight up if she needs to cancel, doesn't want to get stranded, etc. No if's no buts, she tells me she isn't coming and that's fine.What she wouldn't do is tell me she's gonig to keep trying and then not bother to let me know or answer my calls.

May have been a bit much for DP to call her rude though.

I'm going to make ham in cola now Grin

MerrilyDefective · 19/12/2010 01:00

Never heard of ham in coke Confused

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