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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about xmas presents

44 replies

Saucepanman · 18/12/2010 19:49

There are 5 of us- me, DH, 3 dc. DH works very hard for not a lot of pay. I am a SAHM. One week to xmas and I have bought all stocking fillers and presents for him and the dc, plus a few for myself. Last year there was not one thing that I opened that I had not bought myself, which was a bit gloomy but generally fine, I'm a big girl and got my pleasure from seeing the kids opening theirs.

DH is not mean, but we are quite skint. He has no problem with buying me something. We went shopping for a few hours last night whilst my mum babysat, but were on the whole unsuccessful. Today we had shitloads of cleaning and tidying to do. DH suggested going to a large designer outlet village nearby with all 3 kids to buy me something. I said no, assuming it would be a nightmare today. Suggested going tonight again when my mum can have the kids. Then said I will write down a few suggestions and you can go and pick something so I will have a surprise. I thought he had agreed to this. Now he basically has not bothered getting off his arse, and is whining that he wants to buy me clothes or shoes, but I need to be with him or it's pointless as I will end up taking them back. To me, if they don't fit it doesn't matter, I will exchange them, it is the surprise, and the thought, that's important.

Have just been a bit quiet when I realised he wasn't making any effort to go out tonight, despite him saying it is the last chance he will get. Pointed out tartly that they haven't moved xmas, it's the same date every year, and we have now had words.

AIBU expecting him to organise or pick something himself, despite him working FT?

OP posts:
PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 18/12/2010 19:55

he is my DHs twin brother!!

I have had about 3 surprises in 15 years

DeckTheHallWithBowlsOfPomBears · 18/12/2010 19:56

YANBU. It would be nice if he could just choose something himself. You can't make him go shopping I guess. But he does realise you are expecting a Christmas present, so I guess he will sort it out at some stage...?

magicmummy1 · 18/12/2010 19:58

YANBU. But is it really worth rowing about?

Anyway, hope that he manages to get something, and that it's a nice surprise!

herbietea · 18/12/2010 19:58

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ShanahansRevenge · 18/12/2010 20:01

My DH was the same...one year he got me a vegetable steamer! After discussion I realised he really had NO clue what to get or more imporantly which shops to look in. We have very little cash to spare aswell which makes it more difficult.

I now tell him "Go to Accesorize and tell the girls you want some little gifts for your wife who likes vintage 50s type things"
I also do a wish list on Amazon...loads of stuff...then he can pick...about 2 months befre I remind him...then again,,,,and again,

sorry but I won't put up with nothing! Nor will I choose my own..that's shite!

Limara · 18/12/2010 20:05

Saucepanman and your point is?.......... Are you really, I mean really that surprised? Confused He's a manXmas Grin

yanbu at all. If you've got any wine, go pour yourself a glassGrin

ShanahansRevenge · 18/12/2010 20:07

Rubbish Limara! Who made men like that? Their Mothers who let them get away with crap like this as kids!

Mothers of boys..

Break the bolloxy tradition of men being crap at certain things!

LifeForRent · 18/12/2010 20:09

YANBU. But don't expect much. Ask for vouchers, then spend them in the sales. Not very imaginative but you'll get more, and you don't have to have moping behind you asking you to hurry up.

Me and my dh don't buy for each other at Christmas;
a) it's pointless as we're fortunate to not really go without.
b) We're both one of 5 kids, plus nieces and nephews = expensive
c) our ds really takes all our time up on Christmas day, so we put some money aside and buy something we want/need in January.
d) that won't happen this year as we're having our new house refurbed and all our cash is going to that. So go to Next's January sale and think of me.

Limara · 18/12/2010 20:10

ShanahansRevenge fight it all you like, it still ends up the same way I reckon. What should OP do then cause her DH is hardly a boy is he? Xmas Grin

TheCrackFox · 18/12/2010 20:11

YANBU

DH seems to be surprised, every year, that Christmas is on the 25th December.

Dropdeadfred · 18/12/2010 20:12

Rubbish to say this is because he's a man. My dh spends as much time and money on me as he does the dc . Always has done and hopefully always will. we both spend alot of time picking out suprises for each other. It's a love and respect thing

LifeForRent · 18/12/2010 20:13

:D Crackfox, that made me smile. Sadly, out of the familiarity of it.

LifeForRent · 18/12/2010 20:13

It's nothing to do with love and respect. I love and respect my husband and we don't buy for eachother. And I'm sure the OP dh loves her.

ShoppingDays · 18/12/2010 20:16

I can understand that he wouldn't want to buy you something you're only going to exchange. If he's not confident in choosing clothes or shoes for you, could he pick something else? Wine, theatre tickets, favourite cosmetics (tell him what they are)?

GrimmaTheNome · 18/12/2010 20:16

The way to get a DH to buy you a suprise is to send him out with the kids to get it for you. This may only work if your DC includes at least one girl over the age of about 7.

I pointedly left my DH and DD at a craft stall selling nice necklaces this year Grin

ajandjjmum · 18/12/2010 20:17

We both love buying Christmas presents, although we're finding it hard this year to sort out stuff for each other, so I suspect it'll be a few random items. Xmas Grin
He's missing out on so much fun - suggest he takes maybe the oldest dc with him to help, and it can become a Christmas tradition where they go shopping for mummy.
I always used to do that with my Dad. Sad

Lambzig · 18/12/2010 20:22

YANBU, it is upsetting when they make zero effort. My DH was like that. One christmas he bought me a torch. He pointed out that it was a Maglite and the best sort of torch, he had wanted one for ages apparently, but I wasnt impressed.

Another birthday he bought me a plastic handbag with a picture of a dog on it that was obviously meant for a four year old (I was thirty six at the time). He said "but you like dogs"

he now asks for and gets a wish list including website or shop details. Less fun for me, but less plastic handbags with dogs as well.

herbietea · 18/12/2010 20:22

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FrannyandZooey · 18/12/2010 20:27

I just told dp that some men don't buy their wives a present for Christmas
he said "what no present?"
"what, do their wives buy THEM a present?"
"so they just don't bother?"
he gawped a bit then said
"bastards"

TheUnmentioned · 18/12/2010 20:33

hijack but OP I like your name, I am currently re-reading the faraway tree.

iPaddle · 18/12/2010 20:34

Maybe the problem is that you only want what you want. You're not really open to him just going and getting whatever he fancies?
He might get you something crap but he might get you something lovely.
You sound demanding, with your list of suggestions and buying yourself presents,
If there was someone who only wanted a gift from me on their terms I'd likely resent it too.

LifeForRent · 18/12/2010 20:35

the unmentioned i re read that last year. Love it! Moonface is my next name change!

mamas12 · 18/12/2010 20:41

Have you got him a nice surprise like a lovely ;air of Jimmy Choos in your size. You could live vicariously by witnessing the complete suprise on his face!

Really needs to pull his finger out or you will get him a ball of string for him.

yama · 18/12/2010 20:41

My dh is much better than me at buying presents. Very thoughtful.

I wonder if I'd be bothered if he wasn't ...

yama · 18/12/2010 20:42

So YANBU.