to not want a stranger to stay when I have a 7 week old baby

[KiwiKat]

We are having a quiet Christmas at home this year, just me, DH, DS (4.6), our new baby, who will be 7 weeks, and DH's 26 year old niece. Friends across the road will probably pop in for a drink after lunch.

Last year's Christmas was hard work - we hosted friends for Christmas lunch, and one of them invited a friend of his, and her mother visiting from overseas, who sniped at each other throughout the day. DH and I both worked hard, I felt like a waitress, and there wasn't a lot of fun to be had.

Yesterday DN rang to ask if a friend of hers from overseas could join us for Christmas. She is staying on the other side of town, so would need to stay over if she came to us. Whilst I don't mind this girl spending the day with us, I really don't want someone I've never met staying overnight in our two bedroom flat when I have a 7 week old baby. DH thinks it would be fun, says I'm a killjoy and am being uncharitable and selfish. He's being very pouty about it.

Baby DD has been waking at night for feeds every 1 1/2 hours and I have been completely exhausted, although the last two nights she has been sleeping slightly longer. Whilst DH is very helpful with DS, he doesn't help with anything else around the house, hasn't yet changed a nappy, and is a bit scared of holding her, because baby dd seems so small. (He won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure he thinks that HE works all day, and I stay at home and play with the baby. But that's a completely separate issue.) He would cook Christmas dinner, and I will do everything else.

Do I bite the bullet and invite this girl to stay, or stick to my guns re not having her here?

If you had a 5 bedroom house I think it would be ok, but in a 2 bed flat, YANBU.

Often her to come for lunch but not to stay - if this is possible. Just tell DN there is no space, and you are really sorry.

I don't think it's fair to be pulling the OP's family apart and asking why the niece is there... she's there - she's wanted. End of - this is not what she posted about.

I haven't read the whole thing so don't kknow if you've sorted it but among my friends when they have a new baby, Chrsitmas it's immediate family only.

Tell them all to piss off. Just have your DH and your children.

Kiwi
you are a mum to newborn baby
If your DH and neice want the friend there its up to THEM to make it possible

THEY need to get beds made, food prepared, house tidied
Take us as you find us has been my mottto for many a year, real friends/family will accept that, the rest arent worth bothering about

Going by your original post it was the bickering and feeling like a skivvy that ruined it, so if you go for it this time dont be afraid to say "you are making us feel uncomfortable by arguing" if it happens
and get everyone to help
-newborn baby- remember you are totally entitled to ask -nay demand help

"If your DH and neice want the friend there its up to THEM to make it possible

THEY need to get beds made, food prepared, house tidied"

Good point.

"I don't think it's fair asking why the niece is there... she's there - she's wanted. End of"

Not sure anyone wants to 'pull family apart' but presumably KiwiKat's DH accepted the call from his Niece and said "Yes" without thinking it through, or consulting KiwiKat, as her instant response must have been in the negative, hence his response she was bing 'killjoy' 'uncharitable' and 'selfish'.

Really sounds a little bit of the 'thoughtless' in him, for not thinking further than the end of his nose when apparently accepting a stranger into their flat and he must have either forgotten earlier Christmas situation or is being myopic to not consider Kiwi's views.

If I might add, breakfast in bed doesn't make up for the extra workload (and even stress) that Kiwi might go through just wanting a tidy house for the sake of her pride and to make both Niece and comfortable.

DH seems just not to "get it". Yes, DN was invited and is wanted, but she clearly isn't thinking too straight about the practicalities either.

Maybe Kiwi can call or text her and say "You do understand that if our new baby is keeping me up all night, I'm possibly going to wake you, too, and it may be 'make your own' for snacks etc, and for breakfast on Boxing Day if I am sleepng in until midday"

(yeah, who am I kidding! I doubt Kiwi would want to upset either DH or DN, but it clearly needs some heads banged together to get this to sink in for them)

Just to recap or clear up some points - My family is in New Zealand, and DH's family is over there too, or up north in the UK. DH's DN is also from NZ. DH has travelled a lot in his life and has been looked after by lots of people, so would like to be equally hospitable. DN asked DH if her friend could join us, as the friend is overseas here on her own. We don't have a car, so offering a lift isn't an option.

I've decided that I don't want to have this girl here, and whilst I do feel slightly uncharitable, last night's disrupted sleep with a snuffly baby has made me firm in my resolve.

Thanks everyone for your advice. Much appreciated.

DH DN friend must have known she'd be overseas on her own when she palnned her trip

a 2 bed house with 3 adults, 1 youngster and a new baby is overcrowded and from what i hear travel is very disrupted due to snow

I gathered from the Kiwi you'd be NZ

Could DN not join her friend for Xmas esp if you have a snuffly newwborn