to expect a toddlers parent to stay overnight in hospital?

[wheresmytractor]

Last night I spent the night in hospital with my youngest son who is 16 months old. He has a possible chest infection, brochial wheeze and needed a nebuliser, inhaler, steroids, antibiotics and a nose tube with oxygen during the night.

Right next to us another toddler is brought in about 7pm. She was about the same age as my little one and had the same thing, except she actually sounded worse, a very croupy cough and quite distressed.

The nurse started to run through how the chair folds out to a bed so the mum could stay when she says "Oh, i'm not staying, i'm shattered" . She left 5 minutes later. This poor little girl howled and whinned ALL NIGHT. She would only settle a bit when she cried herself to sleep (only to wake not long after with her cough and needing her inhaler) and when a nurse cuddled her. I felt so so sorry for her. My little one needed lots of cuddles last night and I got only a little uncomfortable sleep, but I would not DREAM of leaving him there all night alone.

The mum waltzed in at 11am this morning, and I thought what a bloody cow for leaving her daughter distressed and alone and for placing that additional burden on the nurses.

So am I being unreasonable to think this?

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Depends how many other children she had at home. If its her only then yes SIBVU however, if she has others then no. It isn't ideal but how do you know she doesn't have PND? How do you know she doesn't work nights? How do you know anything of her situation - don't judge until you know imo.

[GothAnneGeddes]

Idrilis - I would argue that resource and staff shortages plus unsupportive management are far bigger problems and usually the cause of staff disaffection and poor staff retention.

[emy72]

Do you know her circumstances?

Yes very sad for the child, no doubt.

BUT you don't know if there were other siblings, a sick parent, a single mother, etc
all very very possible.

[tholeon]

agree with idrilis re comments on nursing staff. Some were brilliant, caring, empathetic and had no sign of compassion fatigue. Others really, really, were not. And it really, really matters. Same with the doctors.

[emy72]

PS My DH sometimes goes away for work and we have no family around. I don't know what I'd do if my youngest had to go into hospital. I can't think of anyone I could ask to look after my children overnight.

[Doobydoo]

YANBU..once after a nursing shift I went to a club and saw the mum and dad of the 18 month old we had on the ward.I was

[Doobydoo]

Regarding NICU.My dd1 was born 20 years ago I was not allowed to stay in hospital and she did die 2 hours before we got there.The nurses thought we had been told[we hadn't]tHAT IS MY BIGGEST REGRET IN MY LIFE THAT i WAS NOT THERE TO HOLD HER WHEN SHE DIED.
nOWADAYS IT VARIES ACCORDING TO EACH TRUST.wHERE i WORK parents would be able to stay if there was space on the unit or on post natal....and under special circs.

[duchesse]

Oh Dooby, I am so sorry. Things were very different 20 years ago. My sister spent a week in hospital 30 years ago and my parents didn't visit once.

[OnthefirsdayofMrsDeVere]

Gothanne as I have said before I have an almost unhealthy adoration for medical staff. I really do. I think to be a nurse or doctor is to be someone very special. The things they did to try and save my DD, I cant describe how I feel about those people.

Unfortunately because of the circumstances we are all under when a child is sick, if someone behaves badly it is unforgettable and unforgivable. I would say blown out of proportion but I dont think it is.

As those nurses who helped me decorate DD's room so she could wake up on her 13th surrounded by Eminem will forever be held in a special place - that bitch who told my DD to 'just settle herself' when she was crying in pain as the bone marrow in her little legs expanded and pushed and caused her agony - I will never forgive her and would want to punch her if I ever saw her again.

A nurse came to me in tears because she had spiked DDs chemo so it would be delayed until a new bag could be ordered. She cared so much about us having to stay longer that she was genuinly distressed.

The nurse who told my DD off for wearing a vest top that made it hard for her to access her port AND used to turn the lights on everytime she did obs in the middle of the night - she shouldnt be allowed near children.

I still wake up crying because of that nurse. Because I failed my DD because I didnt put her straight. DD had just relapsed and I was still trying to deal with it. I will never forgive myself for letting her down.

Its over five years later and I am not a person to hang on to things normally. But these things are hard to shake.

If one of my boys became a nurse or a doctor I would be the proudest mum in the world.