to think some people's weddings are getting out of hand?

[DrSeuss]

A colleague told me today about her BIL's forthcoming wedding, adding that they had added up the cost of attending the wedding itself, the hen do and stag do and that it came in at around £1000! She was outraged and very unwilling to part with the cash. The stag do involves a trip to Munich for several days, the hen do involves renting a place in the Lakes, a visit to a spa and an evening visit from a chef who will cook dinner for the party! The couple have chosen to marry in Liverpool although they and all their family live in Newcastle and so it will be at least two nights away for most guests. Fortunately it's bring the kids so they don't have to fork out for that too. And that's before they buy a present!

What on earth makes people think they can ask this of people? Certainly, people can say no but it's quite hard to say to your brother that you will not be attending his stag do unless he tones down his ideas a bit.

I know. Some people seem to think they're film stars when they're getting married and make outrageous diva demands of everyone. It's like they can't see beyond the wedding to the reality for many of the guests (expense, nights away from home, extra days off work etc).

Yanbu.

No way would I pay out that much just to attend a wedding! Nor would I ask people to.

I'm getting married next year, and would never expect people to pay out that sort of money. My hen night is just a bunch of mates going out for a meal, the stag do is the same (probably without the food), and the only cost to our guests on the day will be evening drinks and the cab fare home. We are hiring a coach to get everyone to the hotel, and having the whole thing there so no going backwards and forwards.

I would hate to think my wedding had turned into something my friends resented because they had to pay out a ton of cash.

I think it is utterly unreasonable to expect friends and family to spend outrageous amounts of money on hen/stag dos. If I was invited to an expensive hen night I would just say sorry I can't afford it.

My colleague and her DH can afford it, they just don't want to! And why should they? They married about five years ago without massive financial inconvenience to others.

Why on earth are they getting married in Liverpool when they don't even live there or have family there, surely they can find some suitable venue in or near Newcastle instead of dragging all their guests across the country??

I just wouldn't go to the 'hen do' or wedding if they involved massive inconvenience and/or expense, I'd consider it an unreasonable request and not feel at all bad about not going. I wouldn't spend £1000 on my own wedding, never mind someone else's!

That is mad. There is no way I would pay £1k to attend a wedding when we can't afford to go on holiday.

Mind you, the person I feel really sorry for is the poor sod who I heard on the radio. She's a bridesmaid tomorrow. At an outside wedding . And she has to wear a short strapless bridesmaid dress. With no coat. Poor poor woman - do you think the bride secretly hates her and wants her to get hypothermia?

What kind of loon chooses short and strapless for December? Especially for an outdoor ceremony? When I got married, I involved my bridesmaids in the choice of their outfits, shoes etc, as they were the ones who would be spending the day in them.

Our entire wedding is costing £1k.

I do think people get wrapped up in all the glamour and because they're spending lots of money on the wedding the extra on other things don't seem so much in comparison, whereas to an average joe who is not invested apart from wanting it to go well for them.

I have been invited to a three day hen weekend in MARRAKESH next year. Bride will probably fall out with me for not coming but I cannot afford it and do not want to leave my family - would rather spend the money on a week in center parcs!

LaWeasel, I just know your wedding is going to be a meaningful, beautiful occassion and a sight more tasteful than the one my colleague is attending. May I wish you and your fiance every happiness together.

Marrakesh! And getting arsey about it. How could you justify that?

I have refused all lengthy costly hen nights but I have been on some excellent ones that didn't involve me spending a small fortune. It's about the people not the flights and hotels.

This huge wedding culture is silly. The best weddings I have attended haven't automatically been the £20,000+ ones. They've been the ones full of love and laughter.

A grand to attend a wedding? Oh I am a tight Yorkshire bugger. Not a chance.

All the really expensive ones seem to have something daft about them. My sister went to one on an island only accessible by flights every 2 weeks!! So everyone that went had to holiday there as well.

I've been to one where the bride couldn't sit down in her gorgeous dress. She looked so beautiful, but I can't honestly believe she was really having fun. (although she thinks it was the best wedding ever obviously)

DrSeuss - thanks! We're very excited. In fairness I would love to spend more. But not in ways that also make other people fork out too.

It initially sounded like a bargain..... but I'd misread - I thought the wedding itself was costing £1K

YANBU!

I think big weddings are mad full stop tbh. I just don't get why bridezillas people get so hung up on what flowers they have and what car they turn up in. Isn't it more about the commitment to spending the rest of your life with somebody?! Or am I just horribly old fashioned

Well said FrostyAndSlippery. It seems as though some people see the wedding event as an end in itself rather than just the opening chapter of the rest of their lives. Makes you wonder whether they will then view married life as a bit of an anti-climax

Who are these bridezillas anyway? Do some girls really spend their childhood and teens fantasising about their perfect wedding?

'getting out of hand'
YANBU got out of hand ages ago.

I have to say a wedding when you are a bit older, say 30+, should be about a party with friends and family.

As for matching colours and favours, who cares!!

Yanbu

20k! . Ok, maybe fine if you're so wealthy it doesn't matter, but wiping out your savings, or spending hard-earned money you can ill-afford, or going into debt - for what is essentially just a party, that seems like madness to me.

Sury you remember your wedding day regardless if it cost £1,000 or £40,000 ?

I worked with a bloke whose daughter got married. He paid for it all and it was a grand affair. We listened to the daily report of the latest expenditure. The tartan table clothes, the auditioning of the Quartet....

Cost over £25,000.

3 months after the wedding he got made redundant from his big salary job. He sat rocking at his desk in tears because much of the wedding costs were on his credit cards. It ended up in a financial nightmare. His wife and himself ended up moving to a smaller house to payvoff their debts.. His daughter had the day of her life but it was a big emotional cost as well as financial.