to think some people's weddings are getting out of hand?

[DrSeuss]

A colleague told me today about her BIL's forthcoming wedding, adding that they had added up the cost of attending the wedding itself, the hen do and stag do and that it came in at around £1000! She was outraged and very unwilling to part with the cash. The stag do involves a trip to Munich for several days, the hen do involves renting a place in the Lakes, a visit to a spa and an evening visit from a chef who will cook dinner for the party! The couple have chosen to marry in Liverpool although they and all their family live in Newcastle and so it will be at least two nights away for most guests. Fortunately it's bring the kids so they don't have to fork out for that too. And that's before they buy a present!

What on earth makes people think they can ask this of people? Certainly, people can say no but it's quite hard to say to your brother that you will not be attending his stag do unless he tones down his ideas a bit.

Yanbu at all. I'm happy foe people to spend that money if they genuinely have it to spare, but not when its borrowed.

I think its incredibly thoughtless when they expect other people to spend that amount of money on their wedding. Bothers wedding this year was lke this and we spent approximately £1000 by the time stag and hen do's had been attended and hotel for wedding paid for, then he had the cheek to make a quip about everyone turning up for a free dinner during the reception. free fortunately I didn't have anything in my mouth to choke on at that moment.Very forunately for him he is otherwise great, so one comment can be overlooked. Even so.

I don't think people should go into debt for weddings, but I'm in the camp of if they have the money, then why not go for it? it keeps chair cover businesses and mobile hair dressers and favour makers in business. What chance does the economy have if the people who have money wont spend it (so that people who don't have much can have jobs gluing over priced crystals onto favour boxes and invites

I like going away to weddings within the UK so that wouldn't be a problem for me, - more fun that a "usual suspects" venue in the town I live in! I'd find a premier inn or something if the actual venue was expensive, and would love to be invited on a hen like that, I don't get out much I hate the girls night out on the town with short skirts and flashing tiaras, but the weekend with a chef sounds fab! I'd prob decline if it was a trip to the local walkabout! I cannot even fake enthusiasm for that stuff!

YANBU

I think it is rude and tacky to expect people to spend that amount of money. Thankfully, none of my friends are rude or tacky .

I've got nothing against big weddings either, but, with the odd exception, out of the weddings I have been to there does seem to be an inverse relationship between wealth and size of wedding.

Of all the weddings i have attended ,the most expensive ones have all ended in divorce , the record being it lasted one day as the bride ran off with the best man hours before the honeymoon

YANBU. So vulgar and self-centred.

I also don't get why weddings are seen as the be all and end all. I had a small, simple, inexpensive wedding with just family and a few close friends attending. I will remember that day for the rest of my life.

As has been pointed out already, a wedding is just one day. A marriage is for life. Oh, I forgot to say that I have been married for nearly 30 years.

These days it almost seem like the flashier and more expensive the wedding the shorter the marriage.

The best wedding I have ever been to was when my cousin got married in June this year. The reception was in my auntie's garden, all the guests contributed a dish of food and my cousin laid on all the drinks. The weather was perfect and everything was so informal that even my husband enjoyed it.

Weddings have been infiltrated by celebrity culture - lots of couples use their wedding as an excuse to be the stars of their own show for a day.

It's up to the couple how they celebrate their wedding, but they really shouldn't expect their guests to pay for it.

YANBU. I agree with Bonsoir's celebrity comment. This might sound unconnected on the surface, but I also think it's part of the same family of idiocy as constant Facebook 'status' updates. Are we all becoming little 'islands' without empathy/dignity/sense of privacy? (well, I'm not, naturally )

YANBU.

I found out recently my cousin is still paying off the debts from her wedding two years ago!

I had to go to Las Vegas for my brother's wedding, and then again eight years on for my cousin's hen do. Cost an absolute fortune. Yes I enjoyed it but that wasn't really the point.

I went to my sister's wedding three weeks ago. It was organised at a fortnights notice after her partner of 10 years was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. It was the most moving occasion. Registry office, very short ceremony. My sister wore a pretty top under a smart white jacket with silver shoes and smart dark trousers. Her hair was up and looked lovely. She had a small posy. WE all went out to a country pub for an excellent meal afterwards. Took photos ourselves. It was very emotional but they both looked so happy. My sister was shining - every inch the bride.

No amount of money can buy that - and no amount of money spent on a wedding guarantees happiness. Small really can be heart-breakingly beautiful. If you have the money to spend - then go ahead and have a beautiful day - but it doesn't hae to be done like that to be beautiful.

Op - yanbu to think this. It's about the marriage not the wedding.

Northern. Your post has brought a lump to my throat. You have managed to bring home to all of us what marriage is really about. I wish your sister and BIL well.

Independiente
I agree with your comments. I can't be bothered with Facebook and other people's self importance. I prefer to see my friends face to face over a coffee.

Thanks It was so wonderful. I went braced for emotion - which we had tons of - but also so uplifting and I hadn't expected that.

YANBU. I've only ever accepted 1 hen do invite for a small party at a good friend's house. The others all involved so much time and expense that it was very easy to turn them down politely. Big weddings are foolish when funded with credit and slightly beyond my comprehension even when the couple can afford it.

NorthernLurker

Sounds lovely but I'm about to be hideously and tactlessly practical. If he is terminally ill they need to make sure that his will is sorted.

Dying intestate would be a nightmare for everyone concerned and it needs to be sorted before he gets too ill.

NorthernLurker, that does sound a really lovely wedding - sorry to hear that it was under such sad circumstances, but I can imagine it must have been very beautiful and moving. Sometimes less is definitely more!

I've kind of decided to laugh about this one instead of sounding outraged. The attendees will probably be a very select few.. the rest of you can have an outrageously cheap, cheerful and fun outing on their behalf while they're away. Take lots of photos and post them somewhere public.. ha ha ha.

We had an amazing wedding 2 years ago, cost peanuts. Bought lovely frock off eBay, shoes I already had, etc. Friends did the entertainment and decorating. Got a taxi there. No speeches, but heartfelt personalised vows. Not a dry eye in the house... no cash, but the style we wanted.

My sister's a wedding photographer, and has seen all kinds. She says the ones with the most style involved far more thought and planning than expense. One of them had a fish and chip van by the sea for their food.. someone else had a pizza delivery and bought in tons of wine for their evening celebration! Profiterole stack for their cake. The guests all loved it, and it made for a fabulous party.. expense? V, V low. Need I go on?

Would rather go to a stylish, fun wedding than some stuffy, jumped-up do at a dull hotel anyday!!

I have no problem with practical opinionated - they have been very much that way inclined themselves. Will was sorted asap after diagnosis - they weren't sure about whether they were getting married at that point so the solicitor wrote clauses in to it that it was valid if they got married or if they didn't. Thanks for bravely mentioning it though - there's no point tiptoeing around in this situation.