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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a bit of help from DH?

51 replies

pink4ever · 17/12/2010 12:38

My dh works v hard in quite a pressured job.He has had the last 2 weeks off(which he sprung on me at last minute-I am sahm to our 3 dcs).
But he has not lifted a finger in the past 2 weeks to either help me around the house,with the dcs or suggested spending time together as a family. Has quite literally spents days sat in front of pc playing his games(not washing or dressing). When I point out to him that he could be more helpful or spend his time more productively he justs says that he works v hard and deserves his holiday.
So AIBU to expect more?.

OP posts:
Original poster
pink4ever · 17/12/2010 12:39

pressurised? lol

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/12/2010 12:42

I don't think YABU. Don't your children notice him sitting like a recusive person in his jimjams and wonder why he isn't playing with them?
If he is off now, will he have to work over the Christmas period?

GiddyPickle · 17/12/2010 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 17/12/2010 12:43

YANBu Ask him when do you get your two weeks holiday.

ClenchedBottom · 17/12/2010 12:45

Yes, you are YABU.... in expecting him to help - but not at all unreasonable in wishing that he would do his fair share.

What does he say when you ask when your holiday is going to be?

ClenchedBottom · 17/12/2010 12:45

Chaotic - snap!

Bramshott · 17/12/2010 12:45

I'm with Chaotic - I'd take 2 weeks off - starting now Grin!

ClenchedBottom · 17/12/2010 12:46

He sounds like a real manchild.

Dropdeadfred · 17/12/2010 12:47

What an arse!!!

scallopsrgreat · 17/12/2010 12:49

I don't think you are BU in expecting him to help. They are his children too. That brings with it the expectation that he would help in their care too.

ClenchedBottom · 17/12/2010 12:55

scallops - well exactly. It's not 'helping' - I find that idea really offensive - it's doing his share of the stuff that needs doing for their family unit!

SAHM or not, I'm sure the OP didn't sign up for all the useful stuff to become her own personal responsibility 24/7. They both need to have equal time off. He needs to grow up.

Original poster
pink4ever · 17/12/2010 12:57

Just thought I would add-
The dcs tv has broken(getting a new one from santa). They dont watch too much tv but maybe an hour after homework. Dh has refused point blank to turn his game off so kids can watch one programme. Also suggested to him that he might like to take dcs to see santa tomorrow(as he returns to work on monday) and he moaned loads about it!!(I take them every year).
I have pointed out to him that I dont think his behaviour is appropriate and that I dont get any hol from dcs but he thinks being a sahm is not a job.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 17/12/2010 12:59

you should say: "if being a stay at home mum is not a job why don't you try and do some of it and you will see that it's fucking hard you cocklodging son of a fuckmuppet" Angry

muddleduck · 17/12/2010 13:00

If being a sahm is not a job, then he won't mind doing your non-job for a few days.

Longtinsellyjosie · 17/12/2010 13:03

God he sounds shocking Sad

AllOverIt · 17/12/2010 13:03

Laurie Xmas Grin

mamas12 · 17/12/2010 13:05

Weel well well he needs educating then doesn't he.
Suggest he definitely takes them to see santa on his own and then you go and do something on your own for a change and not be there when gets back so he needs to feed them, bath/bed or whatever they need for them and oops you've got stuck at your friends house because of the snow! Should be back by Sunday night.

expatinscotland · 17/12/2010 13:08

I'm going to get my daughters reading this as soon as they're able so they can read over and over and over again how to spot an run away from selfish, immature arseholes for 'partners'.

I'm less and less convinced being a SAHM is ever a good idea for women, for reasons like this (channels Xenia).

Soups · 17/12/2010 13:09

I'd leave the house early tomorrow, without the kids, and return late.

nomoreheels · 17/12/2010 13:10

He sounds like a prize! Has he always been this way, or has he changed over the years? I agree that of course he should get some time to do as he pleases, but so should you, and why moan about spending time with your DC? He doesn't sound like he's very interested in being a family person.

Gaming seems to be such a common problem on mumsnet. I am glad our xbox only gets reasonable light use from my DP. Have fun, by all means, but not at the expense of alienating your family (and hygiene!)

Original poster
pink4ever · 17/12/2010 13:28

Yes he has always held these views on sahm(even though I made it very clear from start that I felt v strongly about sah when dcs were young). He will help out with dcs(ie giving them a bath,drssing etc) if I ask but he moans/eye rolls ALOT!
Dont think he will ever change re the sahm thing. He thinks everyone should work(single parents,disabled etc) and that people who dont(IE ME!) are lazy scroungers!

OP posts:
ClenchedBottom · 17/12/2010 13:31

Ah, see I couldn't be with someone like that, let alone parent with them - though maybe he's not doing much parenting, actually.

And I'm not a SAHM!

taffetazatyousantaclaus · 17/12/2010 13:35

What Soups said

Bumpsadaisie · 17/12/2010 13:39

Is he not embarassed to sit around in jamas all day in front of his children and not washing/dressing?

What kind of example does he think he is setting?

classydiva · 17/12/2010 13:41

Whats the point of him having time off if he does not relax in that time? Just because he is home does not automatically mean he has to do the work you usually do.

With men you have to ask not expect.