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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop a girl falling under a train?

35 replies

MandSCustomer · 17/12/2010 09:33

i've name changed because i don't want to be identified but i am a regular.

I was on a work do last night (just a meal and quiet drinks) so I had my 3mth DD with me in a baby carrier.

we were on the platform waiting for the tube and there was a girl standing near us who was obviously drunk and very wobbly. I am embarrassed to admit my initial reaction was to walk away. but she then moved closer to the edge and i couldn't ignore that it was happening. so i went over and stood slightly behind her to the side, got her attention and asked her to move back because she was scaring me.

dh is cross because he's saying i put our daughter at risk ie if girl had grabbed me and pulled us both onto the tracks with her

i am in no doubt that if i hadn't done anything that she would have fallen off the platform. I am also in no doubt that nobody else would have spoken to her or helped

so, was i right or wrong to help?

OP posts:
strongblackcoffee · 17/12/2010 09:36

Well, difficult. Of course you were right to help her, and imagine if you'd done nothing and she'd fallen, you'd never forgive yourself. But I do also understand your DH's point if your daughter was in the carrier. Ask him what he would have done in the same situation...

PsecretSantead · 17/12/2010 09:37

YANBU. Unless you were pushed really hard, or without any warning, I doubt you would topple over so easily. I think you did the right thing.

You may well have saved a life. No point focussing on the possibly-maybe-could-have-been negatives of the situation.

MerrilyDefective · 17/12/2010 09:38

No brainer,of course you were right to help.
It might be your daughter one day who needs help.

BuzzLightBeer · 17/12/2010 09:39

was he with you? he should have helped then

SnowyIcyFrostyRinglets · 17/12/2010 09:40

You were sober (I assume!), she was hammered - you probably saved her from falling onto the third rail.

I can see his point, but I think you did the right thing in that particular situation.

Bloodymary · 17/12/2010 09:42

As Mothers, it is our instinct to help.
You did the right thing (tho it is a shame that nobody else did it for you, re. baby)

PfftTheMagicDragon · 17/12/2010 09:44

Well, what ifs don't really matter. She didn't pull you and your daughter on to the tracks.

You did move her away from the edge of the station, which is a dangerour place to be, particularly when drunk.

Your DH is borrowing trouble.

booyhohoho · 17/12/2010 09:44

you did the right the thing. was there anyone could have held your DD for you while you spoke to her?

GrimmaTheNome · 17/12/2010 09:48

YANBU

You 'stood slightly behind her to the side' -
talked to her, didn't try to manhandle her. So the chances of the girl either wanting to grab you or being able to topple you onto the tracks from there were minimal.

Well done! Smile

(don't be upset by your DHs reaction - its fair enough for him to feel protective to you and your babe. He's wrong but in a good way)

redflag · 17/12/2010 09:49

Now i have two apposing points. My family know a man who was at a train station and a girl was getting roughed up by two blokes, the blokes walked away, and my family friend walked over and asked her if she was ok, The blokes came back and threw him in front of the train. He was killed as you can imagin, he is buried near my son in the greek part of the cemetery.

On the second part, i myself was involved in a train accident. I would love to think someone could have helped me if they could.

Original poster
MandSCustomer · 17/12/2010 09:51

yes, i was sober and dh wasn't with me

thanks for all your replies. he really upset me when he told me i shouldn't have done anything

good idea to ask what he would have done

she was only young and a really lovely girl but v v v drunk! we chatted until we got to her stop, it was my cunning way of keeping her awake! i made her promise me she'd get a cab from the station. i was tempted to get off with her to make sure she did but i was a bit concerned about missing the last train home

pffft what do you mean by "borrowing trouble"?

OP posts:
Original poster
MandSCustomer · 17/12/2010 09:55

booy it would have taken a few seconds to get dd out of the carrier and no, i was travelling on my own

i think if it had been a guy ie bigger than me, i would have asked someone else to help him

redflag what an awful thing to happen

OP posts:
BusyMisstletoeIzzy · 17/12/2010 09:59

Shock redflag that's horrific. How tragic.

OP I think you did the right thing. So many people are reluctant to help in such situations, and you may well have prevented a horrible accident.

booyhohoho · 17/12/2010 10:02

so Sad for you redflag.

i see OP, i though that you were still with your friends at this point. my mistake.

redflag · 17/12/2010 10:04

His mother goes to his grave everyday Sad he was only in his 20's.

festivecoatgate · 17/12/2010 10:04

But surely she wasn't planning on jumping in front of the train, she was in danger of falling in front of because she was drunk, so she was hardly likely to grab you and take you with her.

You definitely did the right thing. I always get twitchy standing on the tube platform in case someone 'accidentally' banged in to me when a train is coming. I always stand well back!

Morloth · 17/12/2010 10:04

hmmmm I can kind of see your DH's point.

If I was alone I would have helped her, but not with my baby strapped to my chest no.

Totally selfish but I am far more concerned with my kid's safety than some random stranger's.

foxinsocks · 17/12/2010 10:08

how sad redflag

I think you were right to help. You can only do what you think is right at the time. You are being v hard on yourself analysing this afterwards.

I stopped someone from stepping in front of a bus in central london yesterday. It was an American tourist who looked the wrong way. I physically dragged him back.

He completely verbally abused me and at one stage, I was worried he was going to hit me. I assume it was the shock of me physically grabbing him Grin but it was either me doing that or him not being here anymore! Cheeky git!

allnightlong · 17/12/2010 10:11

You did the right thing but I can also understand where your DH is coming from. In doing the right thing you also put your baby at risk. It's his baby too therefore he has the right to voice his concern when he feels the right thing concerning his baby wasn't done.

sfxmum · 17/12/2010 10:13

redflag that is so sad

and in a way illustrates the OP's dh attitude it seems a lot harder/ more dangerous for men to help, sad as it is

I can understand his anxiety but I think you did the right thing

DylthanThroughTheSnow · 17/12/2010 10:17

Of course you did the right thing (I can understand your dh's worry) too many people stand by and don't help others nowadays. Just another point to think about the girl was most likely drunk due to drinking to much however low blood sugar in diabetics can cause them to appear drunk. I think you should always not assume the worst of someone and try and get them any help they need. What if it was a medical condition causing her behaviour?

MeMudmagnet · 17/12/2010 10:19

You absolutely did the right thing. I'm sure in the unlikely event of her trying to drag you over the platform you'd have stepped away as she went to grab you. She was drunk after all, so your reactions would have been quicker.
You probably saved her life. I'm sure your dh would be grateful if somebody were to do the same for your dc if they were to find themselves in a similar situation in the future.

He's just being protective.

GrimmaTheNome · 17/12/2010 10:21

fox - well done you too and I hope the idiot feels ashamed of himself when he calms down and realises what actually happened!

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/12/2010 10:24

Of course you did the right thing. Tell your DH the world is full of what if's.
Redflag, that is awful for you.

FellatioNelson · 17/12/2010 10:24

YANBU but if it were me I might have asked DH to do it - bigger, stronger, and not carrying a baby!