I have a friend called Sally who lives about 15 miles away who has an au pair, called Lyndsey.
Lyndsey has another au pair friend who lives in our town, called Alicia.
Sally emailed me and my best friend Jocelyn (all of us - Sally, Jocelyn and I - have 2 small DCs) and says:
"My au pair (Lyndsey) has a friend called Alicia who is looking for extra baby sitting work at the weekend. Please contact her if you need babysitting"
Both my friend jocelyn and i subsequently (but separately)contacted the Alicia direct and asked to meet her, interviewed her, did trial days with her (at the weekend, for which she was paid) and then subsequently engaged her for ad hoc weekend evening babysitting.
My friend Jocelyn has now received a note from Alicia's employer saying that she is very surprised and disappointed that we both contacted Alicia direct, that it would have been more "elegant" to contact her and check it was OK with her. And telling us that she takes precedence over Alicia's time.
I am ultra surprised because I never for one moment thought of checking with the employer - whom I have never met - if it was OK. I felt like it was a win-win situation; we need a local babysitter and pay good money for babysitting AND the au pair wants to earn more cash.
She would earn in an evening of babysitting what she earns in cash in a week in her au pair job (because of course she gets room and full board with her au pair employer).
Was i unreasonable?
Or is she being unreasonable in sending a note ticking us off and making a kind of droit de signeur claim on her au pair's spare time, even though of course we would respect that she gets first dibs?
I am feeling like Jocelyne and I have been ticked off by the school headteacher, but I am really not sure if I am the one in the wrong.