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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should've been invited to my DP's Xmas Meal?

28 replies

DizzyBrunette · 16/12/2010 20:22

He is a Dirctor of the company and the other 2 Directors are married, I normally get on very well with them (or so i thought) and we often go out for a meal the four of us. The company has recently expanded and they have taken on 3 extra staff. 4 days ago my DP mentioned that the works Xmas meal was tonight and they were going straight from work but partners were not invited.
AIBU to be really peeed off with not being invited seeing as 1. He is a Director and 2. I thought the other 2 directors were my friends? Confused

OP posts:
moondog · 16/12/2010 20:23

It often ruins dynamics if non work folk come.

gerontius · 16/12/2010 20:23

If everyone else's partner has been invited YANBU.

Otherwise YABU.

rainbowinthesky · 16/12/2010 20:25

I agree with what moondog says. Very different if partners come.

ShoppingDays · 16/12/2010 20:25

YANBU. Work is for employers/employees. But this is a social event, albeit work-related, so it should include partners.

Feelingsensitive · 16/12/2010 20:25

Partners not invited so YABU.

Galena · 16/12/2010 20:26

So the other 2 directors are married to each other? Hmm, tricky. But I guess if you get to go along, but the 3 new staff members have been told 'no partners' it becomes very 'us and them' as it's one rule for the director and another for the plebs.

MerrilyDefective · 16/12/2010 20:26

YABU.
None of the partners have been invited.

Catnao · 16/12/2010 20:27

Never been to each other's...THANK GOD!!

FiveFeetTwo · 16/12/2010 20:27

I'm afraid that YABU. It's a work Christmas party not a social event amongst friends. Dh is at his party tonight (he's the chief exec and we are good friends with the other directors) and I wouldn't expect to be invited.

Also, you get tax breaks for a proper work party but not for a social event amongst the bosses.

LadyBiscuit · 16/12/2010 20:27

Why can't you go out for a directors' meal at another time? If they have taken on more staff for the first time ever, making them feel comfortable is more important than you being peeved I'm afraid. It's a work Xmas meal.

Ormirian · 16/12/2010 20:27

YABU. It's much more fun without partners - otherwise people pair up and don't socialise. I have never been invited to one of DH's dos and vice versa.

PheasantPlucker · 16/12/2010 20:28

I think YABU

ClaireDeLoon · 16/12/2010 20:30

YABU

I'm a partner in an accountancy practice and would never expect DP to come to social events (unless he was invited), and would never expect privileges that we don't extend to all our staff in that respect.

Bramshott · 16/12/2010 20:31

I'd thank my lucky stars if I were you - work Christmas meals which are not your own are always hideous!

Squitten · 16/12/2010 20:32

My DH is a company director and they always invite partners to the Xmas and mid-summer dos that they have. However, we have all been in the same relationships for years and all know each other really well by now so it's more of a big social gathering than a "work" do.

If they have just taken on new staff, they may well want to use this as a relaxed social outing for them to get to know each other and the dynamic is always different when partners are there so I'm afraid YABU

Original poster
DizzyBrunette · 16/12/2010 20:33

Thanks for your comments I thought maybe I was over-reacting but hormonal so difficult to tell the difference sometimes.
Galena - thanks for your comment, I think I knew the 'them and us' situation but felt a bit left out IYSWIM?

OP posts:
londonmackem · 16/12/2010 20:33

You said yourself it is the work Christmas meal - you don't work there so why would you be invited? YABU

My husband is very friendly with my previous work colleagues but never came to the work Christmas party.

xstitchsnowscene · 16/12/2010 20:33

I'm sorry but YABU unless other partners are invited. I do think it would have been nice of your DP to tell you when it was a little earlier though.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 16/12/2010 20:35

partners are not invited.

you are a partner

YABU

AMumInScotland · 16/12/2010 20:40

The situation has changed a lot - before, the team would have been just 3 of them, two of whom were married to each other - so of course it made sense to invite you and go out for a meal as a foursome, it would have been odd to go out as a threesome. But its different if they've added new staff and are now having a works party.

Why not say you missed going for a meal with them and suggest you get together as a foursome in the new year some time?

Darnthetum · 16/12/2010 20:40

I can kind of understand the peeving a little bit. My dp has been to 5 (yes count them, 5!) xmas dinners. He has another one coming up this weekend (the same day dd and I fly home for xmas) and we have to get a train home, followed by 2 buses, and wait for him there for three hours as he is too busy at his sixth xmas fecking dinner, despite him not seeing dd since October. I get one, on xmas day, that I'm cooking myself. (Sorry, rant over Blush).

So if you are a SAHM that gets no chance at a sociable xmas dinner I can see why you were peeved, even if there was no chance of being invited.

Original poster
DizzyBrunette · 16/12/2010 20:42

:) thanks everyone, he won't be receiving an ear-bashing now when he gets in...poor bloke Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
DizzyBrunette · 16/12/2010 20:49

darnthetum I think that is probably what was playing a big part of it, we moved 400 miles from my friends and family a year ago and I am a SAHM so I'm finding it difficult at the moment :(

OP posts:
Darnthetum · 16/12/2010 21:01

If it's any conciliation, these things are really dull. If I go along as the other half I always end up feeling even lonelier, as no one knows who I am or cares what I do, so I'd rather stay at home and stuff my face with Maoam while dp eats his xmas dinner and then make him feel welcomed and well loved when he gets home. I do get very jealous of his invites though Blush, as I am far more outgoing than him, but haven't been invited to anything this year except as a mum helper at dd's stuff. Dp is a scientist, so couldn't care less who he was with, he just enjoys a free meal!

It gets much easier to socialise once the dc's are at a nursery/toddlers/school. And you can usually organise meals etc with other mums and get a nice circle going. It will get better, I promise

Original poster
DizzyBrunette · 16/12/2010 21:08

:) darnthetum
I've just started DD in nursery 2 mornings a week. I get so mad at myself sometimes as I realise how privileged a position I'm in being a SAHM but I soooo miss the social side of working. Maybe it's time for a change in the new year Wink

OP posts: