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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really annoyed at this suggestion?

67 replies

SuiGeneris · 15/12/2010 13:33

PILs have just visited. All went well and they took baby DS out to a cafe, because that's what they like to do. Apparently DS made faces at other children and generally enjoyed himself.

DH comes home late, after bath time, on a day where I have worked and looked after DS and says DS has enjoyed going to the cafe so much, why don't I take him too. I am fuming: does he think I have nothing to do in my life and have spare hours to waste in a cafe???

I work from home about 10 hours a week but have only 4-5 hours childcare, so of necessity the rest of the work gets done during DS's precious nap times, after he has gone to bed or after DH has come home. So I get no free time whatsoever and when DS is awake I look after him and run the house. I see a friend with a similar age baby once a week and have recently started going to a playgroup.

So really annoyed at the suggestion that [as I have nothing to do] I could waste inexistent spare time doing something I hate. The coffee place in question is very average and has absolutely no attraction to me: if I want tea and cake I make the cake.

Am probably over-reacting, but humour me. DH said this last night and I am still annoyed today at lunch. Would you be?

OP posts:

MarianneM · 15/12/2010 14:16

mumbar

Oh dear, get ready for a shock! The forecast is -20 in Lapland at the weekend. It's currently -13 but I am in the South.

Loie159 · 15/12/2010 14:19

I think YABU becduase as others have said it was only a suggestion..... I have found since having children, becuase Im more tired and have more to do sometimes I do take things that DH and PIL say out of context and think they are critising me in some way (normally after a night with 4 bours sleep!!). Its only now that mine are a bit older - 2 and 3 that I think sometime DH just says things off the cuff and it really doesnt have a hidden meaning !!! I take mine to the cafe in the park after we have run around as a treat / change of scene. Maybe DH just meant us as something different to do as PIL mentioned he liked it. I dont see the harm in just doing something different with DS. To be honest sometimes going to the same park/ playground/ soft play / playgroup etc gets really dull so I dont see why you couldnt do that instead of one of the other things you regularly do. If you know DS likes that why not take him with your friends and their DC to a cafe that meets your standards so you can ALL enjoy it!

gysela · 15/12/2010 14:20

Suggestions made when you are tired on a long day may actually sound like a criticism and although you sound a bit unreasonable I think there is more to it than just being asked to go to the cafe with your DS. Do you get on with your PIL? If this suggestion was made without PIL taking him to the cafe AND on a day when you were relaxed would you feel the same way?

sadiesadiemarriedlady · 15/12/2010 14:21

YABVU and your reaction is very over the top. He only made a suggestion, I bet he feels like he is walking on eggshells all the time with you if this is how you react to a suggestion that you have a trip out to a cafe. Cripes.

BlueFergie · 15/12/2010 14:23

'Am probably over-reacting' - You think?
Wow surely there must be more to this than your DH suggesting maybe you take DS to cafe becuase he enjoyed it? Seems like a fine suggestion to me. My DH will often suggest I do things the kids might like. If I fancy it/ have time I do it, if not I don't. I certainly don't get pissed off with him for taking an interst. Jeez poor bloke.

Seriously though how can 10 hours work take two and a half days? You have a child minder for 5 so just an hour an evening after that surely?

cestlavielife · 15/12/2010 14:26

taking your baby out regularly to cafes is good training for later life eg so you can easily take him out with your H to a restaurant etc. or for when you go on holiday. it is important for your baby that he gets taken out to all sorts of environments. simialrly it is ok not to like group things but maybe you should not dismiss them all? for your baby's sake? chance to socialise?

i have to say tho it was one of my exP's anoying traits that he would always prefer the "better" food at home to going out. whereas having chance to sit and be served is for me a treat!

willingness to go out and enjoy cafes/restaurants/pubs could become a deal breaker...

do you like going out to eat / have a coffee/ etc with your H?

ConnorTraceptive · 15/12/2010 14:28

I love cafes I really do

StrikeUpTheBand · 15/12/2010 14:29

I think YAB a little U .

I have a 3.5 yr old and a 1 yr old. I am supposed to have been back at work 3 days a week from September, but work has been scarce so I am still effectively being a SAHM for the first time ever. I did a couple of days of work a few weeks back (before all the snow) and found that I missed my life at home dreadfully. DP would never suggest I go take them for coffee (although I used to take DS lots when he was little). He would say it costs too much. In a way, it is nice that your DH has suggested it?

Lonnie · 15/12/2010 14:33

YABU Completely did it occur to you perhaps your dh thought it would be nice for YOU as well to do?

YOU dont want to do so so be open about it and say " that really isnt something I would enjoy to do I will take him to the park in stead" (or somewhere elseyou will enjoy) and that can be his special treat with grandma and grandad. Will be a nice memory for him as he grows older..

I have 4 kids work part time and I ahve ALWAYS ALWAYS had time to go to cafe's because that is something "I" find enjoyable and fun to do. your problem is you dont wish to do so. Soe dont simple as that dont go into a tiffy because your dh might find it a fun idea.

toddlerama · 15/12/2010 14:33

Your "D"H suggested that you might enjoy a morning out in a cafe???!! The bastard!

MrsGravy · 15/12/2010 14:38

Blimey, what do they serve at this cafe to make you so vehement about it, poached puppy?! I actually made the very same suggestion to my dh on the day I work and he's at home. There was no hidden agenda or sly dig intended, I was just surprised how much my baby had enjoyed going to a cafe with me and thought he might like to take her. If he'd reacted like you just have i'd be wondering what on earth was wrong with him! All you need to say is 'i dont really fancy that'. End of surely?

littlesez · 15/12/2010 14:40

Would i be annoyed? no but i like to go to mediocre cafe's now and again. Why because its something that myself and my daughter both enjoy. We go out once a day either cafe, park, library, childrens centre or swimming. I still get my work done and have time for mumsnet. Although I am not one for housework life is too short for cleaning It would drive me mad to stay in for a full day.

point is if you don't want to go to a cafe don't but its not an offensive suggestion is it?

Ormirian · 15/12/2010 14:44

Goodness!

I can see its upset you a great deal so I shall not offer my opinion.....

GiraffeYoga · 15/12/2010 15:15

Wow - You need to calm down.

You sound annoyed because its something your mil said that was reinforced by your H

Take a look at your life- I know looking after kids is hard, but your life sounds like a dream to me! I'd kill to work 10hrs, with only 5.5hrs of work to do at other times like nap times and evenings.

Seriouly get a grip.

woolymindy · 15/12/2010 16:41

You miserable moo and your poor husband - you have one child and work 10 hours a week ( with 5 hours childcare). In the scheme of things you are not rushed off your feet and I really think his comment was well intended. Perhaps because you sound so sulky he thought it might cheer you up a bit!

Personally I think you sound a bit spoiled, you need to take your head out of your backside and get some perspective sweetheart.

monkeyflippers · 15/12/2010 16:51

I think you are being really over the top. He probably thought it would be good for you to have a change of scene.

Also you sound really snobby about the quality of the cafe food!

My DH often suggests I go to new places as he knows I need to get out and about and go new places. It's not because he thinks I have nothing better to do.

I also work from home (usually at nighttime and do more hours then you might I add) and I have NO childcare help whatsoever and I have more children then you. Not that it's a competition but really you DO have time to go to a cafe. Or do you spend all your time at home polishing your throne?

Aims80 · 15/12/2010 17:23

Haha, some right self righteous types in this thread!

I'd probably have been a bit annoyed too Sui, but I'd have said to him straight away "bugger off, I already do lots with him and I don't like cafés" and then I'd have gotten over it.

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