Not really AIBU, but more a "how do you cope" - with a proper skint Christmas?

[justmeandmyselfandthechild]

It's really doing my head in, this is set to be a really skint Christmas, though I've spent my "spare" money making sure that DS has got good presents thanks to half price offers at ELC...

Though I've got no money that I can spend on ANYONE else and am just sick to death of the whole thing.

I have no kitchen table as I freecycled it to make me more inclined to get a new one in time for Christmas and have not bought my tree yet (I thought I'd be able to get one cut price from the supermarket again but they haven't got any this year)

Best thing is that my mum's family are "taking care of her", making sure that she isn't on her own at Chirstmas/Boxing day and are having her round for dinner on Boxing day and for wine and frivolities Christmas Day daytime before dinner and in doing so are making it so that I have to spend the majority of both days on my own.

I just don't know what to do or how other people cope with it

Also wondered if anyone is going away for Christmas and would like to let their house to me for a couple of days so that I can just hide and not have to face it. Every time I get a Christmas card I just shove it in a drawer and do not want to write my own, though I've had them since September.

Just a bit too much for me this year and locking the doors and keeping the curtains closed from Christmas Eve till New Year is starting to sound like the best course of action!

Why is your child going to your mum's family and not you?

I think its the mother being taken care of, she has a son? Or have I read wrong?

sorry, confused. is your mum being looked after by her family? where is your DS going to be?

Hi Scurryfunge, he'll be with me - but we'll be on our own till mum comes round for dinner and will also be spending Boxing Day on our own too.

We've always been together as a family for all of Christmas, but this year everyone is moving away from us. I'm just wondering what on earth I've done wrong to not be invited/be excluded like this

Ah, sorry. Can you invite yourselves to where your mum will be too?

I'm not sure I can be much help, but I'll try ...

How old is your DS? What is his favourite food? Get it for lunch - forget turkey and stuff - concentrate on having a good time with your DS. He probably isn't interested in a tree etc. just wants fun and time with YOU.

Have a picnic in front of the TV. Play with the presents you've bought him.

And forget Xmas cards. Try not to stress - it's only one day and your DS just wants to be with YOU, I bet.

DS will be with me

Mum will be with family

Me and DS will be on our own other than on Christmas day when mum and siblings will come round after visiting other family who live nearby for dinner

Mum can't cook as cooker is broken you see

Well your mums family is your family, why dont you ask them?

op how come you can't go to your family with your mum?

can't get why they would want you to be on your own?

Scurry - I thought about that, but mum says that it's not her fault that I've not been invited and so I don't think I really want a pity invite.

From her POV, it's starting to sound like it's my own fault for not having done things properly and not having an OH to spend Christmas with and being on my own is my problem, not hers

sounds really hard and as if there is probably more background to this than is easy for you to put on a quick post here...

It's great that your family are coming round on Christmas Day - hope that goes really well.

You know your DS best and how to make Christmas special for him with the limited budget and family support that you have.

Good luck!!

Queribus - sounds like a really good idea to me!

DS is 4, so we may well end up with beans on toast!!

It wouldn't be much of an issue if we didn't all live so close, it's really sad that I've got family round the corner that we were so close to when I was younger and now I have nothing in common with - so much so that when they invite my mum and siblings round on Christmas day, I don't get an invite.

Right, am onto it - looking at things we can do, but difficult as I don't drive. Will find something though as I've got a few days off over Christmas :)

Thanks for the kick that I needed to look for things to do rather than ways to wallow in self pity....

This might be slightly mad but could you not look at freecycle for a 'new' table? Not get your old one back but mabe another that better suits your needs? If not, go to the pound shop and buy a huge christmas tablecloth for a picnic blanket.

Also, if there are any local christmas tree sellers set up in car parks etc near you, ask them if they have any discount trees? I bet there are a few with a broken brach or whatnot that they will give you for next to nothing. Again poundshop for decorations and homemade too.

And just do a few things you wouldn't normally like fill a bowl with cadbury roses and leave it out, stick a christmas cd on etc

I am not even going to get into the family issue - it is obviously complicated. I would only say that if your family realised how lonely you felt they would invite you - not out of pity, but because they would not want you to be lonely - it's different. Maybe you should say something....

Good luck

I have done skint Christmases both as a child and with one.
Tree: Go to the local shops and ask if they have any card broad sheets or big box that you could lay out flat (free). Cover the floor in newspaper, pore out paint on to 2 plates, if it a big bit of card use hand and foot prints (smaller use hands and fingers). Both have great fun getting messy painting is all over and when it has dried draw out 2 tree shapes, cut them out one with a slot from the top to middle the other with a slot from bottom to middle. Place them one slot onto the other so it stands up.

Decorations: Paper chains made from old magazines cut into 1in wide strips look cool on our card tree last year and we had great fun making them (they were every were).
Use white sheets to look like snow on the window-ledge and cut out snow flakes together. Decorate tin foil stars and make home made ginger bread house or biscuits all make it look and a feel like Christmas with out costing much.

Food: don't bother with the norm its boring choose some thing simple and fun have it on a blanket or make a sheet tent to eat in. (sheet tents make beans on toast or spag-bol so much more fun).

Don't forget farther Christmas: my best Christmas as a kid was the year that i spent a hour in the garden looking for the reindeer carrot. Put out a carrot, cake and drink with your little one on x-mas eve. Then after putting the little one to bed get to work (pour your self a drink) break the carrot and hind half of it in the garden (so you can go look for it and play in the garden first thing). Eat a bit of the cake and drink the drink. Take the biggest boots you have and out them in a plate of flour them put 2 big (farther Christmas) foot prints on the door mat.

And: If you fancy it you could always try wrapping the front room door so its a bit tricky and use very cheap paper. But such fun to see run though in the morning (great fun start to the day)

Borrow a few DVDs to watch on the day and dont forget to have a treat for yourself for after little ones bed time biscuits, bottle of wine....

The most important thing is that Christmas is about making memories and fun for you and your little one. Its not about presents, keeping up appearances and being normal.

Sorry this is very long but I hope some of this gives you some ideas.

AnnieApple - That is possibly the best post I have ever read on MN! I really hope that OP reads it as I am sure that it will inspire her. Very kind of you to put so much effort and thought into helping her with some fab ideas

i am now wishing that we had a door to the living room (it's kidn of open plan) so we could do the wrapping paper thing.

I have had skint CHristmasses. AM I wrong in inferring it's not just that you are skint, but feeling a bit down , and as well as having NO money you can not be arsed?

Follow Annie's tips for inexpensive fun and BOLLOCKS to all the rest. Don't send cards, don't worry about gifts for everyone else. I promise you, no one who matter will notice and / or mind.

Christmas is overhyped.
chill x

How are you at baking and cooking? I'm totally rubbish! But have been learning how to do it with DS, and he loves it.

You could make some stuff on in the run up to Christmas and then eat it together on Christmas day (if you can wait that long!).

Do you have any bargain / discount stores near you? I found a pack of about 30 plastic cookie cutter shapes in our local discount store for about £3 and we're going to make biscuits and peppermint creams. Even if you don't find such a bargain, any single Christmas shape would do.

here are some gingerbread recipes This page has a few to choose from and a video of how to do it. I'd recommend choosing a recipe with no egg so that DD can lick the bowl / spoons without you having to worry about raw egg.

My beginner tip would be to take them out of the oven when the recipe says or before even if your oven is screwy like mine!). They won't look like they're done but they harden while cooling. I burnt a few, be prepared to make a few mistakes if you're new to it like me! But even with mistakes, DS enjoyed the whole process.

If you don't have the seasonings etc to make this and can't justify buying more, let us know what you do have and I'll see if I can come up with something suitable if you like.

Peppermint creams are even simpler, and for me were a real Christmassy thing when I was little. Egg free recipe here

Put the Christmas cards up, make it an activity with DD. What's the problem with writing back, is it the cost of sending them? Can you prioritise a few essential ones and hand deliver what else you can?

You can have a lovely Christmas, it's your day for you and DD to celebrate together. Sod the scrooges round the corner! What do you and DD like doing together? This is your chance to spend some time indulging yourselves.

I think you should call your family and ask to come to their Christmas Lunch, assuming that it is just a 'moving apart' sort of situation rather than a 'fallen out' one.

Why be alone? Give them a call, if they are worth having in your life they will be happy to include you and DS if they are not then you know you don't need them around anyway.

xmas is so over rated, do your son favorite tea and make the day about him.

i have no table, i moved in the house less than a year agon, skint is not the word....if i means pizza and chips on xmas day as long as my kids are happy thats all that count.

in my family the saying is xmas day is for the kid nye is for the adults

kids dont care about tables. a picnic blanket (towel) on the living room floor is alway preferable

Hi guys - thank you ever so much for all of the thoughtful responces!

I'm making mental notes and am starting to make some progress :)

AnnieApple - do you really say "ah, ah, ahhh"? my DS says that that's what Annie Apple says so had to ask! hehe Thank you for your lovely reply, there are some super ideas and I'm going to do the door thing as I'm sure that my son will love it on Christmas morning! We've got till 2 together, so you've given me some good ideas of what to do until my mum comes round to keep us entertained.

Jasper - I really am skint, though you're right - I can't be bothered, I don't want to write Christmas cards because I have no Christmas cheer to pass on this year and every card that I receive just remindds me that I'm not going to be able to escape its coming.

And to everyone else - again, many thanks for your fab posts, I've had a read through them and will be coming back at the weekend when I've got more time to start putting some of them into practice!

Laura :) x