Ordinarily I wouldn't lend money to people, from the point of view that I don't have much and you should only borrow what you can afford to not get back.
But I have a good, good friend, who lives in. lets say, South Africa (not the real country) and he is in need. I've known him a couple of years; I met him on holiday - he was a tour guide who was just so ultra lovely and friendly and we have kept in touch since then. I went back to the same place twice so got to know him a bit better then too. Nothing romantic, he has a lovely wife and a new child. Just a good friend.
Over the last year I knew things were tough (we're facebook friends) but it has only recently come to light how bad things are. His son died a year ago (his wife has only just given birth again a month ago). Then his Dad died and a month later, his Mum. Then a car ploughed into him in the street and he broke his leg, I think another month after his Mum died. Then it turns out that he lost his home. He works, and has worked all the way through everything that has happened, so I have huge respect for him. He still has his job and is now living with his brother but it has all come out that his brother is very resentful of him living there and doesn't help him financially, and he is really struggling to make ends meet.
This lovely, generous, kind guy is struggling so much and I am finding it very hard to know that and not just walk away without helping financially. I know his story is genuine as far as anyone can know about anything like this.
Would I be unreasonable to help him? My friends and family would most likely be appalled because they would doubt his sincerity or think lending money is wrong. I really wouldn't be able to afford very much. I know he has to pay £1300 on a hospital bill for his late son. (I had to drag that out of him, he doesn't want money from me. He is ashamed that I know that he owes that) He is getting harrassed a lot about it, and I keep thinking if I could clear that for him it would make such a difference to him. But it is so much money. My gut instinct tells me I shouldn't lend him anything; lots of people are in his situation. But my heart breaks for him. He can't take any more. He has lost so much. His son was so beautiful.
What I want to do in all honesty is make a post here saying please if you read this can you give a pound each, we could make that money in no time, but I am not doing that because I am aware that a lot of people troll at this time of year and ask for money, and it's just not anyone elses responsibility. That's just where my thoughts lie when I lie awake at night when I'm desperate for a solution for him.
So what do I do? Would IBU to say to him I can't lend it? Would IBU to lend it? How do I walk away if I don't help him, knowing this lovely, good person is in deep trouble and can't earn the sort of money to clear his debt and keep his family afloat.
Eurgh, hope this post doesn't seem like money grabbing. That's not my intention, truly. I just needed to write this all down somewhere. I'm so worried about my friend and I keep imagining how I would feel if I was in his position.
Life is fucking cruel at times.