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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my dh to be able to buy me an xmas present?

42 replies

Irishchic · 13/12/2010 11:54

Without me having to write him a list that he can buy off? Would be nice after 11 years of marraige to think that he now knows me well enough to come up with an idea himself, or suprise me with something, you know, just make the effort, as i do for him....

OP posts:
Tortington · 13/12/2010 11:55

yabu

CuppaTeaJanice · 13/12/2010 11:57

Don't give him a list this year, and see what turns up Christmas morning!

I bet you'll be making sure he gets a list next year though!! Xmas Grin

alphamummy · 13/12/2010 11:58

yanbu. I could have written your post word for word!

alphamummy · 13/12/2010 11:58

yanbu. I could have written your post word for word!

shongololo · 13/12/2010 12:02

yanbu. i also could have written the above! However, I accept hat this is the way DH's family works - his folks give us lists for them that include shop and price....eg "M&S brown leather bag - satchel style with large buckles.., £24.99"

They dont like surprises, and if we buy anything different, we accept that they will cash them in.

TrappedinSuburbia · 13/12/2010 12:06

I bought all my own presents last year and it was much better than getting a lot of useless stuff from dp, I did make him wrap them though.
I have picked my own present this year as well, its something I really really want and there's no way he would have got the inspiration to think of it himself.

Yanbu to want him to be able to do it though, i've just kind of accepted that to get what I really want, I need to get it myself (with his money of course).

Yulephemia · 13/12/2010 12:06

Blokes are useless at this, in my experience. DH and I now buy our own presents and wrap each other's to give on Christmas Day. Xmas Grin

Maybe that takes away some of the magic of a surprise, but when the surprise is something you don't like/want/need, then ...

EldritchCleavage · 13/12/2010 12:07

YANBU. We do it for them, after all. And the children. And all the relatives and friends who need buying for. And actually, plenty of men manage it (the men in my family are pretty good). It's a 'making an effort' issue really.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 13/12/2010 12:19

Blokes are not useless at this, how insulting!

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/12/2010 12:31

Well DH and I tell each other what we want for Christmas. A particular book, DVD, piece of kit. I guess we set no store in surprises! He is very good at buying presents for his parents and siblings so I know he can do it (as can I) but we just don't feel the need between ourselves. Perhaps you could look at it that way, that your very closeness means you can ask for exactly what you want most?

BlackBag · 13/12/2010 13:32

YANBU, DH has a track record of can't be arsed to look not managing to find the really special thing that I deserve.

He won't accept suggestions but prides himself on his imagination which has meant over the years:

  • a second hand, heavily worn engagement ring from the local burglery exchange
  • He looked at a string of pearls for when we got married but they were very expensive so did n't buy.
  • nothing, absolutely nothing three xmas ago, in front of my parents
  • made to purchase my own fatface slippers because he thought I'd be a large but did n't want to offend - he said he done extensive internet research on this one looking at over a hundred pairs and the the very best that he could find happened to be in our local tiny high street two days before xmas.
  • present to mark birth of first daughter from shop outside Birmingham Train Station when he was delayed for £4.50 (reciept left on floor)

I'm so tired of the too busy/could n't find anything/ran out of time

The bottom line is he does n't like to inconvience himself to look out for others, he rang from outside Selfridges last week, bored with an hour to kill before his train, I suggested he wondered the Palace of Glittering Delights but no it was too busy, and 'a funny layout' so he just went to a cafe instead.

Sadly if it aint in Toolstation, Screwfix or Ebuyers clearance section I'm probably not getting it this year.

He's a great guy but this time of year rather rubs my nose in a long history of thoughtless birthday,anniversary & xmas presents.

Thankyou, now I've done me rant I might add a little something to the Amazon order all for me!

Gay40 · 13/12/2010 13:35

It's not a man thing, it's an expectation of sub-standard crap thing. Stop running around after them and treating them like children.

Hassledge · 13/12/2010 13:36

I HATE this "well he's a bloke, what do you expect, blokes can't shop/think laterally/have a bloody clue" stuff. FFS - they're mostly intelligent, fully functioning members of society who can walk and talk - they can buy a pissing present and they can use their imaginations as to what to buy. If they don't, it's because they're choosing not, whether consciously or not.

Zer tolerance rules. There are very few excuses - I'll allow phobias regarding shops, for example Wink.

Hassledge · 13/12/2010 13:36

Zero tolerance, not zer tolerance

Gay40 · 13/12/2010 13:38

I bet they were better at present buying when they were trying to get into your knickers.

It's called effort.

waitwhat · 13/12/2010 13:38

YANBU i refused to write a list last year despite the "i dont know what to get you" whine i got a diamond ring. Didn't do one this year and eagerly anticipating Christmas morning

Xmas Smile
Parsgirl · 13/12/2010 13:39

I have ordered my Kindle and sent DH an email with what I would like. There is no way I am going shopping on Boxing Day again and returning presents like last year. Have to say he was returning stuff from me at the same time I was returning stuff from him.

moogalicious · 13/12/2010 13:41

yanbu. Surely it's the thought that counts?

We don't buy each other christmas presents, but my birthday is the week before. 2 years ago I bought myself a scarf ("you're in the shop, you might as well buy it yourself"). Last year he was too busy at work. Ffs, it's the same date every year! This year, he's in bed with flu, so unlikely that he's planned ahead and thought of something.

I also have the same thing from MIL for the dc's. "what would they like": I feel like saying, go into a toy shop, look around, have a think and find something you think they'd like.

The thing is, he never used to be like this...

clam · 13/12/2010 13:44

My SIL is an absolute cow to my DB. You should see what she receives from him! Thousands of pounds worth of designer/top-of-the-range/you name it. Apparently, "she deserves it."

As I've said before on here, people treat you how you teach them to treat you. So, SIL has been very snippy about some perceived inferior gifts in the past,

Baileysandice · 13/12/2010 13:47

Oh god im dreading Christmas Day for the simple reason I have a feeling I may have to put on an oscar winning performance when I open what he has got me!!! Its not too late for you tho, you could leave a magazine pic or something to give him big clue out on table so he cant fail to miss it. Sadly my DH isn't that good at picking up signals this year, he also did shopping for family members and oh dear oh dear. Why did I let him let loose in shops you should have seen what he came back with!!!!!!!!!

BlackBag · 13/12/2010 13:53

Have just checked the History for a work website from yesterday and stumbled across what everyone wants for xmas, imagine my xmas joy when I unwrap a 'chrome tax disc holder'...

What a lucky girl I am Hmm

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 13/12/2010 13:57

YABabitU.

DH and I are both rubbish buying each other presents. DH buys his own pressies and so do I.

Neither of us care though, we would much rather have what we want

He surprised me last year with a digital photo keyringXmas Hmm which has sat in it's box ever since. No idea what he was thinking off, I am not a gadgety person at allXmas Grin

Original poster
Irishchic · 13/12/2010 14:39

Well I am a bit pissed off about this because he USED to be really good at pressies, up to a few years ago. In fact, is MUCH better at finding great presents for me than I am for him, which means I sweat about what to buy him for month, whereas he will just swan in and get me something fabulous, (and thoughtful) or at least thats what he USED to do.

I have decdided to give him no list this year and take a chance. I would rather he got it wrong, but made the effort, than got it right, because I basically told him what to buy!

OP posts:
saffy85 · 13/12/2010 15:18

I'd rather write a list of things I actually want than open a load of shite unwanted presents on christmas day and have to fake enthusiasm.

I can buy for pretty much anyone in my family and pick out something they'd like, but can I buy for DP without a few hints? can I bollocks. I never tell him, "oh you're definately getting that" or whatever as it cancels out the point of wrapping the damn present.

DP likes to get a list from me and has been known to take me with him when he buys it. I draw the line at carrying it myself though. And I once chased him round the house whacking him round the head with a roll of wrapping paper when he asked me to wrap the presents he'd just got me. Grrrrrrrrr!

MumNWLondon · 13/12/2010 15:21

YANBU but get over it.

DH has no idea what to buy me unless I drop heavy hints, several times. Same on birthday, which every year "creeps up on him"