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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my dh to be able to buy me an xmas present?

42 replies

Irishchic · 13/12/2010 11:54

Without me having to write him a list that he can buy off? Would be nice after 11 years of marraige to think that he now knows me well enough to come up with an idea himself, or suprise me with something, you know, just make the effort, as i do for him....

OP posts:

DilysPrice · 13/12/2010 15:25

Also in this situation. DH's family just don't do presents, they never exchange birthday presents at all for example.

My father OTOH is obsessive about showering my mother with gifts, which means I have to choke back my entirely unrealistic expectations.

But I refuse to buy and wrap my own presents, I think it's demeaning.

Hulababy · 13/12/2010 15:28

I would have to say that you may be being unreasonable, but I know where you are coming from.

I love that DH always buys me fantastic gifts and almost always of his own doing. No liss or anything rquired.

However I find DH increasingly difficult to buy for these days. We avoid buying clothes as it is annoying when the same outfit is int he sale the week after. But after 20 years of present buying the ideas are running low and he never subly drops hints in the run up. So this year I have actually asked him direct - still not been given any ideas though. Argh!

Jux · 13/12/2010 15:29

DH is also crap at this. If I gave him a list it would have to be absolutely specific; for instance, if I said chocolates, he'd buy me Fererro Rocher, even though he knows I hate them - because he likes them

Hulababy · 13/12/2010 15:29

There is no way either of us would buy our own presents though - surely that just takes any element of niceness out of the whole procss?!

clairefromsteps · 13/12/2010 15:31

I'd much rather let people know what I'm after for Christmas, than have them spend their hard-earned readies on tat gifts that I'll never use. I'm not grasping - I never expect big presents - and I'd rather work from a list when buying for others.

DH is EXCELLENT at buying off-piste gifts for me, which means that over the years I have amassed a fine collection of jewellery, clothes, a Nintendo DS and various unusual books I wouldn't have picked out for myself. Although, having said this, this year I found out that he's bought me a netbook - loads of money and it's not really what I want. Currently worrking up the courage to tell him, but that's a whole other thread....

Shodan · 13/12/2010 15:31

YANBU and YABU, in a way!

Yes, it would be lovely to think he would know what you like after 11 years together but... well if he's just not a good present buyer wouldn't it be better to do a list to choose from?

My DH is a wonderful, thoughtful man but has no imagination when it comes to presents. I daresay I could force him to think about it but it doesn't matter that much to me. He now gets a list and we're both happy with that.

Having said that, he is very excited this year because he has chosen something all by himself (in addition to the list) which I will love, apparently. It's book shaped so he can't have gone too far wrong.

mogwhistle · 13/12/2010 15:44

YANBU

My DH asked me what I want for Christmas and I told him (it's what I've been wanting for ever) Christian Louboutin shoes - the ones I'm after are £375.00 which I know is a lot of money but he can afford it.

Instead he has bought me a car that I didn't want or need so now I have two cars. The bloody shoes would have been a) cheaper and b) what I actually wanted!

hormonalmum · 13/12/2010 15:47

If you would be happy with whatever he buys you and can accept any gift with good grace - do not do him a list and see what he gets you.
If however, you are like me and have experienced some terrible gifts in your time - do him a list.
I have some pj's, slippers and a lipstick en route off my list and I could not be happier - no money wasted, getting what I want and he has enough left in the budget to buy me a little surprise that although may not be what I wanted, he will have tried. Cant ask more than that.

glitzy · 13/12/2010 16:29

Mogwhistle... two cars? Really? But...why?

mogwhistle · 13/12/2010 16:50

glitzy my DH is car mad so he seems to think that I should be too. I now have 2 cars, he has a van and a car. I can only drive one at once but you can never have enough shoes can you?

nickeldonkeycarrymary · 13/12/2010 16:51

Shodan i very rarely get books from people :( . fair point though, cos I can buy my own (at trade price), but i love beiong surprised - and i don't have time to look through the adults' new titles lists to find something i'd like.
DH bought me a gorgeous old book from his fishing trip to Norfolk in October - from 1881, all about science and inventions. I love that kind of thing, cos it's science history without the rose tinted spectacles.

OP, YANBU - it's ridiculous that a grown man can't think for himself what to buy you - I'm pretty sure you'll have dropped hints to him, but he hasn't picked up on it. He must know you well enough after 11 years to know what you'd like without having to be given a list.

5Foot5 · 13/12/2010 17:01

A bit of both YANBU and YABU

DH and I give each other suggestions of things we would like (I hjave asked for Big Trak this year!!) but we still get each other some surprises too. We have been married nearly 24 years and he has always managed to find me something interesting and unexpected, even in years when he has been snowed under with work.

OTOH it might depend on how difficult you are to choose presents for! Some people just are hard to suit. My BIL for instance seems almost impossible to choose for sometimes. When I ask my sister for ideas she will often say she has no idea because she finds him hard to buy for too. And she is generally very good and thoughtful about presents for other people.

overmydeadbody · 13/12/2010 17:07

YABU

I tohught lists where normal?

My whole family do it for birthdays, it is usual to get a list of possible presents a few weeks before each person's birthday, sometimes they're specifit (name of shop and exact item) and sometimes they are vague.

Lists mean people get what they actually want or need. People don't need to stick to the lists but at least it gives them an idea.

overmydeadbody · 13/12/2010 17:16

mog you should seel the car, but a few pairs of those fancy shoes, give the difference from the sale of the car to charity, and teach your DH a lesson.

I bet he'll never deviate fro your requests gain

TorcherQueenie · 13/12/2010 17:21

YABU at least you'll be getting a gift from your DH this year. He's trying to make it perfect for you cut him some slack.

borderslass · 13/12/2010 17:28

DH used to always buy me jewellery that I never had the chance to wear or clothes but now he asks DD1 who then asks me, he doesn't know and at least I get something that is useful.3 Years ago he bought me a kenwood chef because my mixer had given up I was made up with his choice.
On the other hand he is awful to buy for always tells me not to bother but this year I got him his present whilst we where away for my birthday I wouldn't take no for an answer.

diddl · 13/12/2010 18:09

Well quite often neither or us know either what we would like or what to buy each other, so we don´t!

I´d rather have nothing than something for the sake of it-and that includes jewellry/perfume/make up.

I just have enough of it.

What I´d really like this year is some nice soap!

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