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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an inappropriate gift for a 4 year old?

57 replies

TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:22

OK, My family and myself went to Thursford Magical Santa Journey today (in Norfolk).

As part of the tour the children met Father Christmas and got a gift. My 4 year old son was given a toy set with an army jeep, complete with a machine gun and ammo on the roof, a look out hut with plastic barbed wire and mounted machine guns and a whole array of seperate guns in the box.

I was a bit shocked that these toys are still deemed as appropriate for small children (I felt like I had stepped into the 1970s!). I have written to the Thursford management about my concerns but I don't hold out much hope of getting a polite reply as I have learned that my friend went last year and raised similar concerns and got a curt reply stating that this is what 4 year old boys want for Christmas.

I am genuinely interested to know what people think. My son thinks the jeep is a new fire engine with a hose on the top Grinso I don't have any personal concerns about the toy but still... AIBU?

OP posts:
Vallhala · 12/12/2010 15:27

I have girls but lets just say that the toy would have gone in the nearest bin had it been given to either of my children.

YANBU and I hope that Thursford sees sense especially as they will lose custom with negative publicity. Wink

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/12/2010 15:27

I think you're being unreasonable. I'm very surprised that you're written them a letter tbh, because in my opinion, that is what a lot of 4 year old boys want for Christmas. You can't please everyone, can you?

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:28

Well I will not be going again and will find a new Father Christmas to visit!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:29

I agree you can't please everyone but I don't want my 4 year old being exposed to warfare at such a young age.

OP posts:
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 12/12/2010 15:30

I agree my 4 year old would love it and most 4 year old boys I know would too - this might be due to being part of a military community.

I think you're silly writing to them tbh.

booyhohoho · 12/12/2010 15:31

i think YABU and YANBU.

i dislike the normalisation in young children's toys.

but i think it is soooo normal in society that the company will not understand the issue and won't do anything about it.

i think society is split on thsi one. there are two camps.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 15:33

no yanbu, i wouldn't be particularly happy if my son had received that either

there are tons of toys a 4yr old boy would be happy with that aren't guns etc

jollyoldstnickschick · 12/12/2010 15:34

I think you are being a bit OTT.

In my experience as a mum (with a dh with military background) and a nursery nurse whereby guns were BANNED!!!,children will make guns from toilet tubes lego anything its part of childhood wether we encourage it or not ....in fact one of my charges her mother was really into peace keeping etc made a gun that she said very sweetly shot hugs and kisses Hmm....its not the best of gifts I agree but you have gone a bit over board.

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/12/2010 15:35

I am the most anti-war person you're ever likely to meet, TheLimeFairy - but I also have a 5 year old ds that likes playing with soldiers.

He'll either join up, or he won't - and I don't see what he plays with having any bearing on that.

ChippingIn · 12/12/2010 15:35

So, why post in AIBU?

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:37

I guess I just feel that there are so many toys out there that would have been suitable that it seems silly for them to get ones that may not be seen as suitable by some people (this was the gist of the e-mail I sent). I appreciate that some people will think it's ok and some not but why do something that may upset a proportion of customers when there is no need?

OP posts:
Firawla · 12/12/2010 15:40

I think you are overreacting tbh so yabu

Unrulysun · 12/12/2010 15:41

No YANBU - it's wildly inappropriate and I'm really :( that anyone thinks otherwise. For a 4 yo?

granted · 12/12/2010 15:44

No, YANBU.

Though my 4 year old would probably love it.

But it's not unreasonable to assume that plenty of parents of 4 year olds - if not the 4 year olds themselves -don't want their kids exposed to this stuff at this age.

What do they give the girls?

Prostitute Barbie? Shock

onimolap · 12/12/2010 15:45

My then 3yr old DD got a non-brand Barbie-type doll when we went to Thursford. Not what I would have chosen for her, but she liked it TheLimeFairy - your DS seems to like the toy, so I'd let it be.

Depending on where you are, you might like to try the Poppy Line's Santa Express (from Sheringham) - lovely trip and Santa there has age-banded boy/girl presents.

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:49

Thanks for the tip onimolap. We are quite near there and as it is my younger son's birthday today we thought we would do something similar each year Smile.

Thanks for all the responses. I am genuinely interested to get opinions. I know I can't shelter my son from guns etc (especially as that is what they play at school!). I just, personally, don't want to encourage it with realistic war toys but I can see that the opinion is divided.

OP posts:
UnpureAsTheDrivenSHOW · 12/12/2010 15:51

Roffle at Thursford losing custom. Its show sells out every year, I've seen 4 coaches today with 'Thursford Christmas Spectacular' written on them. I know people who will be climbing out of their graves to visit Thursford at Christmas. Two weeks ago I met some Australians who had planned a world trip around visiting Thursford at Christmas.

Anyway, YANBU. A letter is a good idea too. I think it's a bit ill judged. A generic gift should be something 'safe'. I think the army stuff isn't appreciated by every parent, not even the majority.

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:52

Ok, I've got to go and sort tea so not ignoring posts but will try and get back on this evening and will read any posts. Thanks in advance for all your opinions.

OP posts:
UnpureAsTheDrivenSHOW · 12/12/2010 15:53

Wasn't it expensive? We looked at Thursford and the Poppy Line but I seem to remember it being ££.

We took dd to the local Christmas fayre. They had a grotto, £1 to see FC and a lovely age appropriate toy.

Highways Garden Centre is brilliant. Their grotto is lovely.

jabberwocky · 12/12/2010 16:01

My 4 year old would have loved it. I have always been a bit Shock at how much he loves guns and will make one out of anything. Ds1 is not like that at all and would have just ignored the toy.

And, unfortunately, war is a bigger part of our reality today than when I was a child - and when I was 4 the Vietnam Conflict was still going on! But we didn't have the television coverage of it like we do today of every attack etc.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 16:11

i don't think it matters that war is a big part of our "reality" now though does it?

so is prostitution, drug taking, suicide bombers.....

I am totally with the OP. there are hundreds and hundreds of totally inoffensive toys that a 4 yr old boy would love. there is no need to give something that could potentially cause huge offence to some peopole

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/12/2010 16:13

It's not about risking offence to some people though, is it? It's about giving the child something that they would like to play with.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 16:15

yes, and as i say... there are plenty of non gun-related toys that a 4 yr old would love to play with

jabberwocky · 12/12/2010 16:20

AFAIK there are no toys related to "prostitution, drug taking, suicide bombers....." and no typically developing child has ever spontaneously created this type of play. So, I think that is taking a pretty big leap.

bethelbeth · 12/12/2010 16:38

Toy soldiers are a classic toy... so children have clearly always wanted to play with these sort of themes, it clearly hasn't done any harm to anyone I can think of in the last 25 years.

Fair enough it might not be 'nice' but neither is barbie and her vapidness.

They're just toys.