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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this an inappropriate gift for a 4 year old?

57 replies

TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 15:22

OK, My family and myself went to Thursford Magical Santa Journey today (in Norfolk).

As part of the tour the children met Father Christmas and got a gift. My 4 year old son was given a toy set with an army jeep, complete with a machine gun and ammo on the roof, a look out hut with plastic barbed wire and mounted machine guns and a whole array of seperate guns in the box.

I was a bit shocked that these toys are still deemed as appropriate for small children (I felt like I had stepped into the 1970s!). I have written to the Thursford management about my concerns but I don't hold out much hope of getting a polite reply as I have learned that my friend went last year and raised similar concerns and got a curt reply stating that this is what 4 year old boys want for Christmas.

I am genuinely interested to know what people think. My son thinks the jeep is a new fire engine with a hose on the top Grinso I don't have any personal concerns about the toy but still... AIBU?

OP posts:
TheMonster · 12/12/2010 16:46

YABU. It's the sort of cheap toy that you'd expect in such a situation.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 16:47

no, but my point is you can't say it's an appropriate toy just because it's our "reality" can you?

the fact is a LOT of people don't like their children playing with guns/war toys

so why not choose soemthing else. paints, toy cars, dominos, books... there are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of things they could have chosen to give as gifts

jabberwocky · 12/12/2010 16:59

Of course there are hundreds of other choices. You seem to be offended by my choice of words but children DO mimic real life situations i.e. toy kitchens, playing "school", a doctor's kit, etc.

I'm off to finish ripping CD's to upload to ds2's iPod Touch when it arrives this week so he has music as soon as he unwraps it. He is 4. I'm sure people will have plenty of comments about my gift choice but it is appropriate for him and I know he will love it. Every child is different and if I took ds2 to something where he got an anonymous type of gift I would expect that it may or may not be something that either he or I would like. But an army toy is not the same as giving a child giftwrapped heroin.

GraceAwayInAManger · 12/12/2010 17:17

The bigger question is unanswerable, I think. I was living in a small village recently, where the kids have no organised play facilities and very little money for toys. They play out in the woods - where they organise battlefields & use branches as guns!

I've always been against toys that 'promote violence' but these kids prove the point that violence is an innate instinct, which children will explore through play regardless of other influences.

From a marketing point of view, it seems a bit daft to give children war toys when it's such a controversial topic. Four-year-olds would be just as happy with a farm or a space station, wouldn't they?

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 17:22

I think that's hit the nail on the head Grace. I am not here to argue about children playing war games as they always have, always will and I would not try to stop any of my sons doing so. But I am not sure of the appropriateness (not sure if this is a word! Grin ) in the situation of visiting Father Christmas.

I accept that this is maybe to be expected in such a situation and will decide what to do next year with the kids.

Oh, and yes to the poster about £££. We were very lucky and my FIL paid as a birthday gift to my younger son (2). And I am gratreful. We had a good time, not sure it was really our "thing" but it was nice. And I won't be mentioning this to FIL!

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 12/12/2010 17:29

GraceAwayInAManger's post reminded me of when I was a child and playing "desert islands" on the sand dunes. I had made a pretend camp and twisted twigs together to be my cooking spit over the camp fire. While my back was turned a passing little boy saw it, said "Great - a machine gun!", picked it up and ran off with it playing soldiers!

I think most little boys just do like that sort of toy - regardless of what the grown ups think. I only have a DD but I have several nephews and they would all have loved the sort of toy the OP described at that age.

Fair enough if you don't like them YANBU to not buy them. But I am a little surprised that you are surprised that they were given as a gift IYSWIM.

Also agree with UnpureAsTheDrivenShow. We went to the Thursford show in its first week this year and it was completely full. I know people who start booking on January 1st for the following year's show!

GraceAwayInAManger · 12/12/2010 17:30

Heh, very diplomatic LimeFairy Xmas Smile
It does sound like quite a sophisticated toy so at least FIL got his money's worth! Let's hope for a less belligerent gift next time you go.

Laquitar · 12/12/2010 17:37

YANBU.

One could argue that chidren can always play prostitutes, they can borrow your high heels and bra. This doesn't mean you provide them such toy.

LaWeaselMys · 12/12/2010 17:38

Without getting into it all.

Some parents don't like toy guns for small children, so surely it doesn't make much business sense to give out toys which will offend some people?

YANBU to suggest they use other toys.

I think YABU to say it is inappropriate full stop.

UnpureAsTheDrivenSHOW · 12/12/2010 17:47

5Foot5, did you enjoy it? It's not my sort of thing at all but my Grandma wanted to go and wanted to take her grandchildren with her so I went along. I loved the actual venue.

It is ridiculously popular. I think it's supposed to be the biggest Christmas show in the UK.

I liked the ventriloquist though.

BodyOfEeyore, actually knowing Thursford, I wouldn't expect a cheap toy at all. It's not that sort of place. And you pay enough for the privelege.

ShoppingDays · 12/12/2010 17:52

YANBU. I'd let the local paper know...

5Foot5 · 12/12/2010 17:53

UnpureAsTheDrivenSHOOW - thanks yes I loved it! I wouldn't have thought of going but my Mum had heard of it and wanted to treat us all so she paid for us to go. The venue is terrific and actually I enjoyed the show alot. Agree the ventriloquist was good - I don't normally like them but he was very funny I thought.

NoahAndTheWhale · 12/12/2010 17:55

I wouldn't be happy with getting that sort of present. And I have a DS who doesn't do things with guns. He isn't interested - maybe my beliefs have influenced him.

As a generic gift I think they could easily have provided something else.

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 18:05

Thanks for all the responses. I guess it's 50:50 then really. Interesting to hear everyone's opinions.

Anyway, I must go and facebook put the kids to bed.

Hope everyone has a great Christmas! Xmas Smile

OP posts:
UnpureAsTheDrivenSHOW · 12/12/2010 18:24

I don't like ventriloquists either and when he schlepped out with his box of puppets I thought oh good god here we go. But he was surprisingly good. I keep saying 'I'm Elmo' to my cousin in a silly Elmo voice. He actually made me laugh.

The acts are superb at what they do aren't they? They practise for months and months. I couldn't cope with the speed of it all though. The change from the beauty of the choral bits when they're out in the audience to sudden burlesque high kicking and leg flashing was like an assault on the senses. But yes, v professional. The organist had magic legs too. I just couldn't quite shake the feeling that Val Doonican was about to descend from on high in a knitted jumper and croon.

merryxmaswidow · 12/12/2010 18:29

Think yourself lucky, they get real guns in some parts of middle east at that age

Original poster
TheLimeFairy · 12/12/2010 18:31

I count my blessings everyday that my DCs have such a lovely life (and a much much more stable upbringing than my own) and I know that this is a minor issue compared to some issues children deal with Sad.

OP posts:
zapostrophe · 12/12/2010 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onimolap · 18/12/2010 23:25

I thought of this thread when I saw on tonight's news that the first official engagement to which Prince William has taken Kate was Thursford's charity night.

MsKLo · 18/12/2010 23:31

maybe turn the present 'on its head' and talk about the brave soldiers who are working hard abroad? I don't know - maybe???????????????

KnowNothing · 18/12/2010 23:39

My 4 and 5 year olds like playing with guns (to shoot the bad guys) - I don't have an issue with it personally but would never give someone elses DC a toy gun. Seems silly of Thursford to do that.

twinklingfairy · 18/12/2010 23:55

I think YANBU, I would not be happy with my DS being given this as a gift.
As has been said, there are so many more options out there?Hmm
DD was recently given some cheap tat at a local party. It didn't last the week in the house. It had teeny tiny little parts and, with a 2yr old in the house, I had to phase it out pretty fast.
I did wonder that they could have realised that the gift would be inappropriate for my DD given that her brother is only small. But then they put a lot of work and effort into getting a range of gifts and DD got the luck of the draw.

Don't think I would have written a letter, but I would not have been happy all the same.

whethergirl · 18/12/2010 23:57

I've always been anti guns and never thought I'd see the day when my ds would be playing with one. But by the age of 4, (he is 5 now) it was apparent he seemed to have this natural tendancy to want one, and would either make them, use other items (my hairbrush) or beg me for one whenever he'd see one in a toy store.

God knows where he gets it from - no older brothers, never watched adult tv etc. I was never completely comfortable with it but didn't want to turn it into an issue either - after all kids are innocent, they don't really understand what murder is all about.

So I let him have water pistols to play in the bath and let him have a gun set which came with a target. (He also has the Toy Story army soilders). He loved his gun and wanted to take it everywhere with him but would then start shooting at people in the street Blush so the rule is, they stay at home and they are ONLY ever to point at the targets, not at people. When he has asked why, I've told him because guns are not for shooting at people.

Tricky one though, don't understand this fascination boys have with guns but it's there. However, would never buy another child a gun as a present!

NormalityBites · 19/12/2010 00:03

I wouldn't be happy with this either. How would a 4 yo even know how to play with such a toy?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 19/12/2010 00:11

I wonder what young boys played with before we invented guns? Bow and arrow?

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