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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being upset with MIL & SIL

54 replies

puglet123 · 11/12/2010 20:33

Ok - so it is my son's 7th Birthday on New Year's Eve and I had organised a meal at a restaurant owned by a friend for his Birthay. My DH, DS, DD, and MIL & SIL were booked to come but now my SIL's new partner's sister is having a party my husband's family have cancelled us and opted for the sister's party. AIBU for thinking they could come to their nephew/Grandson's Birthday meal first ( it is at 6.30 - so not late) and go to the party late? One of the reason's I thought it would be nice is that they aren't seeing us over Christmas either so won't see the children until the New Year and considering both children have Birthday's and Christmas in December I would have thought they would try and make the effort to see them.
AIBU or should I except they don't see it as a priority?

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 11/12/2010 20:34

yanbu!

raspberrytipple · 11/12/2010 20:35

yanbu. i would be miffed. Tell them how you feel, they may not have realised?

onepieceoflollipop · 11/12/2010 20:36

YANBU but my gut feeling is that if they are not interested in you/your ds then perhaps you are better off enjoying the celebrations by yourselves. It is disappointing, but if this is typical behaviour from them then you will have to accept that.

Hope you and your dh and ds have a lovely meal and really enjoy his special birthday. :)

MumInBeds · 11/12/2010 20:36

If they accepted the invite but have now pulled out they are behaving badly and I don't blame you for being upset.

That said, planning a child-related event on New Years Eve is a risky business.

c0rnsillky · 11/12/2010 20:37

how rude of them! No reason why they can't do both. Are they a bit tight with their cash so would rather go to the party? I hope your dh tells them how disappointed he is.

thenightsky · 11/12/2010 20:40

They should show their faces at your DS's party given its 6.30pm. Then could then go on to the proper adult New Year's Eve party after surely? Unless its a big distance between the two of course.

Original poster
puglet123 · 11/12/2010 20:40

Thank you onepieceoflollipop, I'm sure we will have a fab celebration, but I am just upset that they have accepted the invitation then have pulled out!
My DS is 7 - not exactly old - and it wasn't his fault he was born on the 31st - he was due in Feb - pre-eclampsia but that's a different thread!!
My MIL cancelled Christmas Eve last night and today has cancelled New Year!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
puglet123 · 11/12/2010 20:41

Thenightsky - it is about a 20 mins drive between parties - I don't think that is unreasonable - do you??

OP posts:
thenightsky · 11/12/2010 20:43

20 mins drive is nothing. They should go to both.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 11/12/2010 20:46

I would be telling MIL that in light of her cancelling both Christmas eve and NYE/DS birthday with you, you will no longer be offering any more invites to have them thrown back in your face. Rude old hag springs to mind!

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 11/12/2010 20:47

They've shown you who matters more to them. You now have to decide what to do with that information.

Original poster
puglet123 · 11/12/2010 20:49

On th one hand I think if they don't want to that's fine - but who is going to tell my soon to be 7year old - are they - don't think so!!
I feel sorry for DS - he is expecting both his Grandma's and his Auntie and is now going to get just one Grandma at his meal which has been arranged since August!!
Sorry for the rant but this is the last straw - I am fuming!!! Angry

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 11/12/2010 20:51

I don't blame you.

Their actions indicate how little they care.

You can't change that.

You can choose what you do from this point on.

Dylthan · 11/12/2010 20:51

My db and sil did this to me last year i'm still fuming about it. They chose to go to and take my 2yr niece to sil's teenage cousins party instead of coming to my 3 yr old ds's party Angry

They also could of done both Angry Have just told them when ds party will be next weekend lets see if they'll bother coming this year.

YANBU by the way.

maryz · 11/12/2010 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
puglet123 · 11/12/2010 20:57

Thanks everyone - thought I was going mad!!! I agree HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly that it is what I chose to do with the information!! me think's no more invites!!!
Have told DH he need's to tell MIL how we are feeling - I actually feel more hurt than I thought I would!
I can handle things directed toward me but no my kids - they have done nothing wrong!

OP posts:
anonymosity · 11/12/2010 21:00

YANBU

DasherandSmugly · 11/12/2010 21:14

Gosh I actually think this is awful. She has cancelled on her grandson when she had already accepted the invite? Mind bogglingly selfish and hurtful.

RevoltingPeasant · 11/12/2010 21:28

maryz is right, it is not even about who they care about more -- it is just simply shockingly bad manners to cancel on one party because someone else invites you.

Plus, letting down a 7yo boy... how mean!

Angry for you!

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 11/12/2010 21:32

As i said previously, no more invites to someone so rude and selfish. Is your DH going to tell her how upsetting her actions are? It's something my DH would like to shy away from but I would insist on under the circumstances.
Mean mean lady!

cat64 · 11/12/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 11/12/2010 22:05

Agree they sound rude and if they had done that to me I would have said something like "in future if you say you're coming I'll presume you mean you're only coming if nothing better turns up"
They could easily have come to both. I would as your husband to tell them you feel they are snubbing your son and would rather they'd refused at the start.

Original poster
puglet123 · 11/12/2010 22:25

DS is going over to MIL's tomorrow to ' have a word'!
He want's to forget it now and change the subject - don't think he realises how fuming I am!! - poor man - it's not his fault and he is kind of stuck in the middle!!
x

OP posts:
maryz · 11/12/2010 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saffy85 · 11/12/2010 22:29

YANBU. They've let down a little boy coz they got a better offer- really mean and unfair, especially if they have also cancelled christmas plans. I'd stop inviting them to things tbh. Your DH might just be a bit embarrassed by his family's behaviour and that's why he wants to drop the subject.