to be fed up with my mum

[HelenLG]

All she does is talk about herself, actually all she thinks about is herself...

I know being a mum is hard, I really do appreciate that now that I'm a mum but all through my childhood I've always felt like my mum didn't really care, I just put it down to her not being 'mumsy' but now I'm beginning to think she's just selfish.

To name just a few things: -

• she said she couldn't afford to come to my wedding in edinburgh, me and DH offer to pay, she cant't come because she can't find anyone to dog sit and can't possibly put him in a kennel. I had to force her into asking her sister in the end...

• her dog died a month or so before DS was born (a year and a half after the wedding). I felt really bad for her and she was devasted. We talked about it a lot and about how maybe having some space and time before getting a new dog would be good and it meant she'd be able to visit more and help with DS when he came along

• she insisted that she would buy a moses basket for DS when he was born, but she left it until the month before he was due, then her dog died, she went out and bought a new dog and so couldn't afford a moses basket. This doesn't piss me off as much as it pissed off the other grandparents (my dad and IL's) who had been really great and bought us a lot of baby stuff

• she didn't come to the hospital when I had DS, she lives an hour and a half away and we were there for a week, because she had too much overtime to do and couldn't leave the dog alone. She didn't even fricking call me...after 3 days I called her

• she has only been here once in the last 5 months since DS was born because she can't leave her dog alone

The thing that really pisses me off is that the last 2 times I've spoke to her on the phone, I've said, Oh DH has a new job... but not once has she bothered to ask about it, in fact she just goes, oh yeah, and then continues talking about herself...

Literally my phone calls with her are her talking and me saying Yes, No and Uh huh.

It's one thing to ignore me and not really give a crap and make excuses, but I guess I just expected more for her grandson and my DH by proxy I suppose.

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed at her?

Borderline personality disorder is not narcistic and the traits are totally different.

BPD sufferers show no empathy, they are not all necessarily selfish bastards.

Being a suffererer and diagnosed myself really grates being put into a box with the selfish assholes.

fucking hell - what is going on around here lately? everyones entitled to their own opinion, just because MrManager's differs doesnt mean hes a troll.

I was referring to Animation as a troll not MrManager.

My Mum is very much like this, although her converstaion also strtches to her friends and their families most of whom I dont know. So while she brushes over any converstaion I try to intiate about me she will waffle on about her best friends, daughters boyfriend and his friends... and what everyone had for dinner. I have now plucked up the courage to tell her I dont want to know what she/next door neighbour/the physios boyfriend had to eat

She also had the dog obsession that all life had to revolve around

I gave her 8 months advnace warning of DS being born but just before he wa sdue she declared thta she wouldn't be able to come and see me as he had no holiday left... yes becaused she booked 5 weeks holiday with friends

Elektra totally agree trend at the moment to scream, NPD!!! On here is v annoying. I work with young women who have emergent BPD it's a horrible way to live and it's NOT like NPD. I have met BPD people who are able to show empathy.

i used to work on a secure unit and several of the patients had NPD, it's serious stuff and it's not a label that should be thrown around lightly, I think sometimes it's trivialised on here.

OP YANBU, my Mum can be a bit weird at times but no where near as a bad as your mum and I get frustrated, you have my sympathies.

TyraG - Good Grief - how have you come to that conclusion - that I'm stalker and a troll? [hmmm]

Well you've followed me from one thread to another and commented on what I've posted both times without being bothered to read the entire thread. Hmm what does that mean?

Minxofmancunia

Yes, I also agree that Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are not NOT the same thing.

The self-absorbed behaviours that the OP has been dealing are narcissistic in nature - that's not to say the mum has full blown NPD, but she definately has traits - would you agree?

The mum seems incapable of showing the remotest interest in the OP, even in the key moments of her life. It's very demoralising.

Tyra - I've spoken to you on two threads

• so calm down and have a cup of tea.[fbear]

I think you have to get your head around that you can't make her something she is not. I also think that the reason it's hit you so hard is you have a child of your own and realise what a mothers love should be. YANBU