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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you say to this 'friend'?

65 replies

MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 17:08

I have name changed.
Have a 'friend' who I fell out with in the summer.To cut a long story short I was 2 weeks away from having ds2 and had a 2 yr old.I went to visit her and she thought it was 'funny' after a stressful tube journey not to tell me her new address.So she wanted me to wait at a tube station and in her own time she would tell me her address as I was visiting her and her new baby(I had lovely gifts etc).
I waited with a bored 2 year old and she never got back to me so I went straight home and took him to the park.She sent her a message saying how rude she was to make a heavily pregnant person wait for her etc.
She then gave me weeks of abuse-swearing/nasty nasty things that I won't repeat(because I dared tell her she was rude).
Since then I have had ds2 and she told me she was missing me and sorry for how things went etc.
I had had a large glass of wine and stupid soft me responded.Although I have kept her at 'arms length'.My OH was LIVID that I got back in touch with her.
I decided to give her another chance.So she came round my house and her ds1 was calling me and me ds1 awful names and hit my ds1 in the face(she pretended it didn't happen).
He also jumped on my furniture etc.
I have been around hers and it was awful.
Anyway the other day she told me that I am always 'too busy' for her so(walkover)me asked her around for lunch.
Last night OH went to the shops to buy lovely food.Today she didn't bother to turn up.No text.Nothing.
I know nothings wrong as she has been on facebook all day.
Anyway what my point is is I feel I should tell her she's rude but she made the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy hell.All day she would send me abuse and I even threatened to report her to the police(I didn't).
People at my old job warned me of her and I never listened.
It makes me feel sick as we live so close and therefor go to the same shops and when I fell out with her in the summer she would shout abuse in the street infront of her dc and mine and I just wanted to die.
She reported my hairdresser to the SS because she used her binoculars to see that she had let her dc sleep for 2 hours in a car seat rather than a cot.(After a long car journey).
That's the kind of person she is.Oh and I'm awful because my child doesn't wear Ralph Lauren clothes.
I must me crazy to let her in my life and I think I must be unreasonable for doing so.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2010 22:46

How come you needed to go on a long tube journey to visit somebody who lives so close to you that you go to the same shops and see eachother in the street?

ginnny · 10/12/2010 22:49

Why did you have to get a long tube journey to see her when you both live so close and use the same shops?
Don't bother to tell her how rude she is - look what happened last time you tried that.
Just cut her off, end the friendship and move on.

ginnny · 10/12/2010 22:49

QS - great minds eh??

QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2010 22:50

indeed! Grin

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 22:50

Because I live far away from x tube station and she lives far away from z tube station iykwim.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 10/12/2010 22:53

I still dont get it.

You both live midway between station Z and X, but one of you closer to one of the stations, but not the same one?

But I guess it is besides the point.

Unless she DELIBERATELY made you come to station Z, involving you walk to station Y, wait at the station, for you to eventually walk back to where you both live?

That is bonkers.

Just ignore her.

(I think this is the kind of thread where A live 5 minutes walk from Z, and B lives 10 minutes away from Y, and how far do you have to cycle to C when she lives 20 minutes away from D)

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 22:56

I'm glad you picked up on that.We lived for 2/3 years on the same road and now different areas.Still 5 mins aways but different boroughs.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/12/2010 22:57

I wouldn't bother with the home truths, tbh- she doesn't sound like the kind of person who would consider your POv and apologise. You'd probably just be setting yourself up for more abusive texts Sad

You gave her a chance, then another, and she blew it. I would let her go, quietly. If she comes to your house, politely explain that you are busy/ have something else planned.

It sounds like she made things difficult for you after your last falling out, and I know what you mean- I too hate awkward situations, and I would have hated her shouting things in the street. So maybe you could act friendly-ish, but then just not get round to meeting up, or have to cancel? I know that's a bit sly, but you'd want to avoid the whole showdown scenario, would you not? because she doesn't, unfortunately, sound like the kind of person who would let it lie

MadamDeathstare · 10/12/2010 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 23:00

Joolyjooyjoo-I think you hit the nail on the head.Thaknkyou for that commentSmile

OP posts:
kalo12 · 10/12/2010 23:02

you need to drop her. don't inflame her though as she seems unstable to me. just tell her you have been busy/ill etc if you see her till she finds someone else. steer well clear

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 23:05

MadamDetheStare-Thankyou so much.You make this site so worthwhile.

OP posts:
MsKalo · 10/12/2010 23:06

Stop seeing her for your kids sake if nothing else. Think about your children, they need to have a mum who won't put up with that kind of crap.

Why are you even asking? You know you should delete her from your life. Do it for your children if nothin else

Piggles · 10/12/2010 23:11

I think she probably senses that you are a kind person who generally likes to be nice to people and is doing her best to take advantage of that. By making you feel bad she is in some strange way making herself feel better. Anyway, she sounds like a throughly weird and crappy excuse for a friend and you would be best off to get well shot of her.

Its nice to be nice to people, but some of them just do not deserve your consideration. Its a sad waste of valuable time to voluntarily spend it with someone who doesn't make you feel good/happy/content.

On a different note, DH had a slightly loony ex-girlfriend who couldn't bear to lose him, and (among other weirdnesses) used to come and yell through our letter box when we first moved in together... a good sneaky blast through said letterbox with my nephew's waterpistol wasn't very mature, but it did amuse me greatly Grin

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 10/12/2010 23:15

This woman is causing you stress, by being in your life. Stress is not good for anyone and if you let this continue it will affect your family life too. Do not let her do this.

Dont contact her. Block her and delete her from FB. Have nothing to do with her from now on. Ignore everything. She is not a friend. Concentrate on the friends that do treat you well! They are the important ones

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 23:18

Quinreason-the reason we live tube journeys away yet go to local shops is because she moved away and still has to shop in this area.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 23:23

Thankyou to everyone who has posted to me.I thought I was awful to block her from my life and you've made me feel normal!!Since asking for your advice I've blocked her from phone/facebook etc.I expect a volcano to erupt tomorrow morningSmile

OP posts:
LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 10/12/2010 23:31

Switch your phone off, let OH deal with it.

Enough is enough.

cumfy · 10/12/2010 23:36

Agree she's a nightmare.

But I'm intrigued, did she ever give a reason about not giving her address ?

If you live so close, why did it matter so much if you stayed at the tube or went home ?

Jajas · 10/12/2010 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MsNameChange · 10/12/2010 23:46

I don't drive so what could/should be a 5 min journey takes me and dc near enough 1 hour.(Walk to bus stop/waiting/45 min journey around the houses/then the walk fron bus stop to her house!!)And I'm trying to pass my test but lots of things holding me back(money/flakey instructor etc)

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/12/2010 23:49

Glad you've cut her off- here's hoping the volcanic eruption isn't too fierce!! Smile

onmyfeet · 11/12/2010 08:30

I think I would politely ease her out of my life if it were me. If she tries to argue or guilt trip you, or cause a ruckus, stay firm but reasonable and just say you are sorry, but that is how it is, and it is up to her if she can accept you have a very busy life. Eventually she will fade away, but it may take a while, she sounds very needy.

beijingaling · 11/12/2010 08:37

print this thread out. Next time she gives you a sob story read it again and remind yourself that she is a bitch and a loon and should not be in your life!

gorionine · 11/12/2010 08:42

"(I think this is the kind of thread where A live 5 minutes walk from Z, and B lives 10 minutes away from Y, and how far do you have to cycle to C when she lives 20 minutes away from D)"

That just gave me a headache!

I agree with everyone obviously, let her go! totally!