To Disown My Borther and Not Care Less He's Just Had Another Baby?

[midori1999]

My Mother rang me last night to tell me my brother's girlfriend has just had her baby. My Mother knows I won'tnbe interested and I know no details other than it's a girl, which I knew anyway.

My brother works in a shop for 16 hours a week, they apparently don't give people more hours than that. He has two DC from a previous relationship (both 'accidental', as was this one apparently... ) and although does see them refuses to get a proper job to pay their Mum proper maintenance as he 'wants to see his girlfriend as much as possible'. He left the mother of his two children for his current girlfriens after having an affair with her, which he constantly denied to my Mother and made his ex out to be a mentalist who ws trying to stop him seing his DC.

Brother and current girlfriend smoke pot, she smoked it whilst pregnant, which he agreed with as apparently it helped with her morning sickness....

They were living with her Dad until late in the pregnancy, the Dad is on benefits too. Brother and his GF were gobsmacked a baby wouldn't get them a council house/flat and so are renting privately, paid for by housing benefit.

I feel sorry for his DC, but feel no emotional connection at all to my brother. He is quite a bit younger than me, so we didn't really grow up together. I wouldn't choose to be friends with someone like that, so why stay on touch purely because he is my brother? (well, half brother actually) I really want nothing more to do with him.

Am I just a heartless bitch?!

It would be a shame if you prevented your children from having a relationship with their cousins.
Your brother does sound like an irresponsible child and there's obviously not a strong bond between you. But I would have thought it better to distance yourself, rather than disown him completely. You never know when that little niece of yours might need you.

If that is your attitude towards him then he is better off without you in his life and vice versa.

YANBU. He sounds like a prize knob. I wouldn't want to be friends with him either.

He does sound he needs to grow up and quick. I wouldn't disown him but I'd keep him at an arms length, he may mature and become someone you do want to be around.

Sounds like a prize candidate for Jeremy Vile. What kind of lives do people live on here that think his behaviour in general is acceptable. But, I'm just being a judgmental, snooty cow obviously.

YANBU.
I can't be doing with this "blood is thicker than water" crap either.
Both DH and I have crap brothers, for different reasons, both of us would be happy enough if we never saw them again (and in my brother's case, the feeling is completely mutual).
My brother has 2 DC with his now-ex (thank God) gf, and DH's bro has no DC and is unlikely to ever have any now - can't see any sane woman touching him with a 10ft bargepole. I have no feeling for my bro's children - have only seen them a handful of times and they are nearly 7 - because my brother chose to move away just prior to their birth (devastating my mother, btw).

My DS can choose whether or not he contacts those cousins in England when he's older. He's 4 years younger than them anyway, and he has 3 other cousins who he does see whenever we are in England, and second cousins here who he sees. So he's not missing out on extended family.

I haven't read all the responses but however hard it is please don't disown your brother or your DN/s.

It is sad to have family who are their own worst enemy and who make bad choices and it is very frustrating to see them make choices that could harm their kids. (Trust me I understand and have experience on this point .)

But it is better for him to have good family support and good role models around him to give him advice (if solicited) and to just be there in his life. He may not ever appreciate this but the benefits will be there.

You are not a heartless bitch. Just a human being who needs to have priorities and nice things in her life but really, please stay in touch. Your DNs will really benefit at the very least.

I have read a few of these responses and my only question is do you feel guilty about your lack of feeling towards him and his?

I ask because I feel very similarly towards my dad. Though I often have wondered ifs my would feeling change if/when he dies and sometimes feel he is my dad I should feel something. The truth is I don't. I don't really know him and don't really like him and that's it. I do find that when the conversation of crazy family members comes up and I relate to friends about our non relationship, thats when the guilt comes in. Its almost like I have to explain my non-feeling.

I have step sisters too with whom I am very close. They are 15 and 13 years younger than me respectively. I left the family home about the same age with them being about the same age. Just because they are blood related doesn't mean you get on. Maybe the base of it is you don't like him and his actions and you don't want you and yours to be around it. I can understand that. I wouldn't feel bad about it.

Sounds like you two don't have much of a relationship anyhow. I'd just keep doing things as you always have rather than cutting him off - you never see him.

He sounds like a loser.