Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people take the whole boy/girl baby clothes thing much too seriously?

70 replies

MotherofHobbit · 09/12/2010 19:22

I've been thrown into the bizarre world of Babyland after the birth of my first DC six months ago and am constantly Shock at how much babies are stuck in little gender boxes especially with regards clothes.

Such as:
A member of my ante natal group 'had to' give away a whole bag of new clothes and buy new ones because she had a girl and not a boy.

Another was very amused because a family member was silly enought to buy her DD a very expensive designer shirt which was actually a boy's shirt. This was also given away as not suitable.

An woman on the street was horrified when I told her DS was a boy even though his little sun hat had a bow on it (horror!)

And finally (okay, okay this is the DM) but:

really?

Aaarrggh! They're babies! Is it really so horrifying to dress your little girl in blue, or boy in pink?

OP posts:
Tolalola · 09/12/2010 20:49

YANBU

When I came to the UK before my first DC I was quite surprised at how tricky it was to get unisex baby clothes. (I didn't know the sex then and wanted to stock up on basics for the first year, cos it's tricky to buy things where I live).

DC 2 on the way now, and if it's a girl, it's getting dressed in all DS's cast offs anyway. Everyone will have to lump it.

jessiealbright · 09/12/2010 21:35

As far as I can tell, unless a baby is wearing dark blue, or khaki, it is presumed to be a girl. Having discovered this, I dress my baby boys in anything comfortable that will fit them. I'm unwilling to spend money (and place additional pressure on the environment) on buying ugly "boyish" things, just so strangers use the correct pronoun.

I do find it ridiculous how our culture has arbitarily assigned colours and creatures to different genders. For example, I was informed a few months back that butterflies are for girls, and caterpillars are for boys. Caterpillars are baby butterflies and moths!

Diamondback · 09/12/2010 21:50

After I had my 20 week scan and found out I was having a girl, my friend said 'Oh, I was going to give you my baby bath seat, but do you still want it - it's blue.'

I have assured her that I don't think my baby will develop gender issues from having a blue bath seat Hmm

Kaloki · 09/12/2010 22:36

jessie That really is impressively daft!

vess · 09/12/2010 22:51

YANBU
I hate the whole pink-for-girls thing! DD2, 15 months, has lots of boys clothes that just look unisex to me. Why shouldn't a girl have a beige jumper (no flowers on!)or red trousers?

Anyway, girls get obsessed with pink from about the time they are two years old, so I feel I should make the most of the pre-pink period.

Mumbybumby · 09/12/2010 22:55

I remember several people assuming DD was a boy . . . Because she was wearing jeans?! Confused

tryingtoleave · 09/12/2010 22:58

YABU.

I think it is fairly weird and unnecessary to put a boy in a hat with a bow. Why would you do that? Just to make a point? I presume it wasn't a gift.

I have a ds and dd and I saved a lot of ds's clothes for dd but I discovered that putting a boy's shirt on a girl, no matter how nice it might be, looks odd. Shirts and trousers are cut differently for boys and girls and dd looked baggy and wrong if she wore them. Doesn't matter if you don't care what your dc look like - which I know some people don't - but I do.

FWIW, I don't like masses of pink for girls and I try to choose feminine clothes in other colours. I was upset at how difficult it was to find black or white shoes for a girl. And if I can find something masculine in pink for DS I will get it for him because he likes pink too. There is a difference between dressing children only in blue or pink and dressing them in gender-appropriate clothes.

One of your jobs as a parent is to socialise your children and I don't think, for example, it would help ds at all if I encouraged him to go off to preschool dressed in girl's clothes (which he might like as I think that those bright colours appeal to all children).

FunkySnowSkeleton · 09/12/2010 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MulledWineandGingerbread · 09/12/2010 23:22

I'm a bit Confused about some of these posts. I don't understand why people would feel "misled" if they didn't know whether a baby was a boy or a girl. Why? What difference does it make? Will the baby be treated differently if it's a boy? It's a baby FGS!

This is how gender-stereotyping begins and it makes me Angry

So YANBU.

jessiealbright · 09/12/2010 23:23

I used a light purple, flowery sunhat for one year old boy. Found it in a Scope, and realised it was absolutely perfect for son. It fit well, and it had straps. At the time, I had been looking all over for a brimmed hat with straps in the right size.

It suited well, too.

TaperJeanGirl · 09/12/2010 23:26

I hate the pink/blue thing, I have 2 girls and a boy, and try and go for scandinavian kids clothes as they tend to be more unisex, when ds was a few weeks old he was wearing a striped romper suit, purple, blue, red green and yellow, a woman in a shop told me he couldnt possibly be a boy Hmm I offered to take his nappy off Grin

jessiealbright · 09/12/2010 23:35

MulledWine, apparently there was once a study in which volunteers were given care of babies, and told at random whether the baby was male or female. The volunteers tended to feed supposed male infants more quickly, whereas supposedly female infants would have to wait longer.

However, I only know of this study third- or fourth-hand.

MulledWineandGingerbread · 09/12/2010 23:55

On the other hand, this approach might be a little extreme...

jessiealbright · 10/12/2010 00:28

Yeah, not willing to go that far in my quest to be gender-neutral.

nooka · 10/12/2010 00:58

There is research that shows people treat babies differently if they are male or female, some of which may explain why even very small children show stereotypical behaviour (baby boys are bounced around more whilst baby girls are more cosseted for example) they showed one on one of those Child of Our Time shows.

I don't understand why people are so obsessed with making it obvious that a baby is male or female by their dress. I really fail to see why it matters that total strangers aren't confused (and really why should they care that much if they accidentally say "he" or "she" to someone they likely will never meet again). Babies are babies surely?

My two had unisex babygrows for most of the first year, and then after that I dressed them according to their colouring. It was harder with ds I think, difficult to avoid sludge colours and aggressive motifs. I'd exchange clothes I didn't like though (especially anything designer for a baby as I think that babies should be dressed in simple comfortable clothes).

TeddyBare · 10/12/2010 01:14

I don't understand this either. I think it's to encourage parents to buy 2 lots of everything if they have a ds and a dd. Unfortunately it also results in dc being trained to be mini consumers from birth and an excessive amount of gender stereotyping which can have really unhealthy consequences and isn't conducive to breaking down negative teenage and adult gender stereotypes. There are loads of really beautiful brightly coloured androgynous baby clothes and I just don't believe that it is necessary to dress babies in pink or blue. I didn't find out the gender of either of my dc until the birth to try to avoid getting gender stereotyped toys and clothes as gifts, and I think I would have swapped anything to pink and fluffy if we had received it.

Isserley · 10/12/2010 06:21

YA definitely NBU
Totally agree with mulledwine - does gender stereotyping really have to begin at birth?

onceamai · 10/12/2010 06:45

Rather like us I think they should wear the colours that suit them best. Not a terribly important issue. DD wore lots of DS's clothes until she was about one (with pink socks) because I'm basically mean.

But as she got bigger I had no problem buying her pink and pretty things so that she would feel girly and feminine, especially as I wasn't allowed to wear pink as a child because it was stereotypical and in my mother's eyes I was too plain for it.

When I grew up (and was single and successful) I had a whole pink house, including a pink kitchen and it's still my favourite colour. Beware all you who are anti stereotyping - your daughters might end up like me - how the worm turned.

RunningWithScissors · 10/12/2010 06:45

Went for practical unisex clothes with DD, as she was our first, and we were hoping to have a second. Now that that's not looking likely, I am buying more pinks and purples, plus pretty stuff.

Not because I like it, but because they are DD's favourite colours (aged 2); presumably because she's seen that that's what all the big girls wear. So I'm going with her personal likes and dislikes, rather than a gender agenda.

Original poster
MotherofHobbit · 10/12/2010 07:43

Er..to respond to a few posters, the hat in question was bought simply because DS needed one and when I went to buy one, it was the only one with a brim all the way round. I wasn't trying to make a point, it was simply the most practical for keeping the sun off his neck.

It's white, the bow is about three centimetres long (so not very girly) and it really didn't occur to me at the time that anyone would care that much that my 3 month old was wearing a 'girl's' hat.

I got a very negative reaction from someone which is why I mentioned it. ('Why did you put your boy in a bow? Do you want him to grow up queer?') I still can't believe someone actually said that Hmm

OP posts:
Ephiny · 10/12/2010 08:50

Why is a bow automatically 'for girls' anyway? What about bow ties? Really silly of people to be negative about it, as long as the baby's happy and comfortable why does it matter?

I had a colleague who had to get rid of or try to sell and replace absolutely everything when she was expecting her second child (a boy), as she'd had a dd the first time round and the boy couldn't possibly be sullied by contact with girl stuff. Not just clothes, but pram and carry cot and car seat and cot and blankets, every last thing. She really felt she had to buy all new stuff, though she said she would have kept it if she'd had another dd.

So there might be something in the idea that it's all about getting parents to buy everything twice. If she hadn't bought everything in super-girly pink to start with, she might have been happier to use it for her son!

Porcelain · 10/12/2010 08:53

At a friend's place the other day ds was sat on her pink baby seat, several people commented but I explained that he's very comfortable with his gender identity.Hmm

EauRudolph · 10/12/2010 08:58

I agree with TeddyBare, this is clothing and toy manufacturers trying to get parents to buy 2 of everything. My DD is 2.2 and has a mixture of 'girls' and 'boys' stuff. I find a lot of the girls clothes very impractical for active toddlers, especially the dresses.

As for the shoes thing, I've never heard about boys' and girls' feet being different Hmm I bought DD a pair of boys' boots from Clarks because that was the only practical thing they had in her size and I was assured they fitted perfectly.

HerculesPoiroastinOnAnOpenFire · 10/12/2010 13:14

Yes, I am not convinced about the difference in feet at one year old especially, but she was the baby shoe expert and I wasn't... I am however going to do some more research and find a better shoe shop next time with a wider choice!

narkypuffin · 10/12/2010 14:01

We have a seriously fucked up attitude to clothing babies in this country. The pink/blue thing has expanded to suggest that bright colourful clothing is 'girly' and if it's not blue boys' clothes should be greens, greys, browns etc.

I love this place and this is in the boys section!