to be really upset my baby probably won't be home for Christmas?

[SunOverStars]

DS was born 4 days ago - first baby. He was 8 weeks early, but each day up until today has been doing incredibly well. He is off all his monitors, out of incubator, in an open crib, but not eating well.

He is up to an ounce and a bit every 3 hours but all through NGT - he only had half out of a bottle after sucking for a solid hour.

I had really high hopes that he'd make it home soon, but the doctor came by and very dismissively said 'Nope, he's a boy. They take much longer. 2.5-4 weeks. Probably 4.' And then left

A family member close to me who had twins at 31 weeks (they were in hospital until near due date) said 'Get over yourself. He is doing much better than mine. We won't save a place for you at Christmas.'

AIBU to think she's a right cowbag and should be supporting me at this time?

Oh and he weighed nearly 5 lbs at birth - all signs were pointing to him coming home within 2 weeks until today.

So sorry. But I guess he's in the right place, and will eventually come home fully fit and healthy. I hope that is soon. Take care.

I can understand why you might feel that way, but he's far better where he is until he's ready to leave. You'll have lots more Christmases with him and lots of lovely memories to make, just enjoy the fact that he's here and he's doing well - the rest doesn't really matter.

Oh, you poor thing. The doctor could have spoken to you in a bit more depth about it, really. And your relative was very insensitive.

I know it is hard at this time of year, but he really is in the best place and just think - he will be fighting fit ready for 2011. It'll be a great year for you

I think positive thinking is key, I know what the doctor said points to your baby staying in there longer but as you have said all the signs are saying he is doing really well, I think sometimes doctors get things wrong and if you keep thinking he will be home for christmas then it will make you feel better and that is what you need right now. Can you go back tomorrow and ask for a second opinion?
Yes your family member is a right cowbag (very polite words considering!)
It doesn't cost you anything to keep praying and hoping your baby will be home for christmas.

Ahhh so sorry to hear he is having to go through this. Christmas doesnt have to mean presents and fuss - go to the hospital, hold your baby and be a family and enjoy him there, looking forwards to more traditional christmases in the future. It wont be like at home, but it will be christmas and you will love it just the way it is.

congrats!

If he needs to be in hospital over christmas, then that is where he needs to be. Sorry.

So sorry for you and your little boy. That said for a baby who was born 8 weeks early he really doesn sound to be doing very, very well and everything will undoubtedly be fine, thank God.

Of course your not being unreasonable, she should not have said that to and you've just given birth. I know its very disappointing he wont be home but try keep in mind that its only one day and he'll have loads and loads of fabulous Chrismases with you.

Hope your ok.

he may surprise you.

All he needs to do is show the nursing staff he can eat properly for a few days and that he's putting on weight. I belive that babies don't tend to develop the suckling reflex until around 35 weeks, so that is about 3 weeks away.

Your family member is looking at it from the other side, having come through that very trying time herself. Maybe she feels that you can respond to the sentiment in a positive way?

Congratulations on the arrival of your little boy, by the way.[amile]

YANNNNNBU she is a cow - frankly I'd have said thoughtless, inconsiderate, self centered bitch myself though.

You had a baby 4 days ago, 8 weeks early - your hormones are all over the show - she's bloody lucky you didn't flatten her!

Of course you want him home, but for now you are going to have to be patient, hope for the best and wait it out :(

He is here, he is doing well and he yours - it could be a lot lot worse x

Oooh oooh ooooh Im almost a god damn expert on this!

My son was born 8 weeks early two years ago. I had him on 25th November, weighing just over 4lb. They told me constantly that expect him to come out on his due date (Jan) blah blah blah.

Anywayyyyyy, he was v.slow to start with, had to have lumbar puncture, billy blanket, had NGT for ages, then suddenly, literally overnight, he took 3 bottles (cant really remember- was it 60ml ish?), in a row, 4 hours apart. When I called the hosp in the morning I was gobsmacked, and he never looked back
They kept him in for 4 more days (they wanted to make sure it was estalishe feeding), then they 'released' us 2 days before xmas eve!!!

Totally, seriously, ignore the silly drs. They HAVE to keep to the book, and expect any earlier to be a bonus. Id bet my christmas tree on your baby boy being home soon.

In fact, Im betting on 7pm, 19th December

YANBU to be disappointed and upset but think of the amazing christmas you will hae with your baby next year- all the rolling around in tinsel, sampling his first brussel sprouts (and farting everyone into oblivion ), buying loads of fun presents.... while he stays totally transfixed by the wrapping paper....

Have a lovely christmas, however you spend it and congratulations

Poor you. Our twins were born 8 weeks early in the november, their due date was early jan. We were told they would be in until their due date - they came home after 3 weeks.

Your little boy sounds like he's doing very well. I found the staff very non-commital about when the boys would come home and some quite flippant about it, which may have been like your doctor.

Our boys only started feeding independently at all 3 days before coming home and their NG tunes were only removed as they were disharged. Once he gets the hang of feeding he may surprise you.

But, if he doesn't come home for Xmas, whilst it's sad for you all, he will have no idea. We told our other DS that if the boys weren't home we would delay it until they were. In reality I don't think we would have done as he needed his xmas after seeing his brothers in scbu. But just imagine how fab next year will be. PLus you've had a rather fab present, just a little earlier than expected.

I hope he comes home soon xx

Oh love, you're only three days from having a prem birth - you're hormones are going to be all over the place.

It's still very early days just, and it's great that things are looking so positive, but these things take time, and that includes Christmas.

TBH Christmas is just another day, and the important thing is that your little boy continues to improve and he will come home - eventually, and i promise you, the day he does, it will feel like Christmas

It's hard in NICU (I spent 13 weeks there with DS2) but he really is in the best place.

Monkeyface I soooo hope you are right. If you are I may give you a medal. Or at least a biscuit

Thank you everyone else - of course I know I am so lucky to have him and that he is doing so well, I am never for one second anything but extremely grateful.

Christmas has always been a special time for me, ever since I was a child - and I always pictured my first Christmas with my baby as something amazing. I suppose it will be - just in a different way, but will really miss not being around all the family and the cozy fire and Christmas carols.

Oh Im so excited for you! It takes me right back. I regret not taking more photos-take loads and loads and pocket important items. I still have my sons little teeny blood pressure cuff and arm splint [gooey emoticon]

Seriously, please please enjoy these first few days/weeks!

My baby was 6 weeks prem 10 years ago - he did not make it home for Christmas but ten years on is a happy, healthy, contented year 6 child - hang on in there - if he is home fab! If not - you have many more happy Christmases to look forward to - and a coming home party is always fun in Jan!. congratulations on your lovely baby. CXXX

He has his own blog and I am a photographer so no danger of too few photos

Inundating everyone with them too much.

Also meant to say my nephew was born at 32 weeks and was out just over 3 weeks after his birth. He was a slow feeder too but out of nowhere started taking more and more and was discharged 2 weeks ahead of schedule.

I do understand your sadness, dd2 ended up in hospital at 6 months old (not a newborn tho') we were told that we would be there for christmas, made plans for our 2 yera old daughter to be with family in Scotland (we live in Devon!) etc etc prepared ourselves for the duration... and then day before chritmas eve "oh you can go tomorrow if she carries on as she is, TO GET HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!" we got home at 5pm christmas eve having been in for 2 weeks with no food etc (hospital 2 hours away from home) dh ran out for beans on toast for christmas tea... he flew to scotland and back on boxing day to collect dd1, and we had christmas a couple of days late as a whole family.

Oh and becuase we hadn't had time to do our shopping (and MN is so fab) the secret santa gifts we recieved whilst we were away, we wrapped for the girls under the tree (nothing made me cry harder than the generosity shown by mn!)

So aftr all this epic, small babies do have good days and bad days (dd2 was in for surgery when a newborn), you've had good days so far, so two steps forward, one step back. Nothing in medicine is straightforward for every doc who offers one opionion there will be another two with (two) different opinions, oh and those opinions will change from the same doc "no! I'm sure we said blah blah blah!"

Go easy on youself christmas can always be a couple of days late and will be so much sweeter for you all being together.

Oh and above all CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

And sun, Im always right
Yey, I will have a box of biscuits please!

YANBU but he still might be home, he's a good weight and once he can feed they'll let you home. I suspect the dr was just trying to manage your expectations that he might not be.

And if he's not, he won't remember this year anyway and you'll have lots more years ahead.

Hi. You are so NBU to be upset. I have posted on your other thread.

I hope your DS gets the hang of feeding soon. But if he doesn't it's not the end of the world. We had a SCBU Christmas last year and it was special in its own way. This year will be even more special as it's my son's first Christmas at home. I know it's tough but you will make the best of it if he's still in, and you will look back on it with happiness.

Congratulations. I know DR's don't like to give false hope. It is better they say no and then monitor him daily and see how well he does. It is 'normal' for premmies to stay until their due date or til the due for birth period (38-42 wks) iyswim.

Weight is very good and its great he is doing so well.

My cousins DC was born at 23+5 and 15oz. They were told basically if she made it she would be in for a very long time. She is nearly 3 1/2 lb now, and due in 2 days!! They are talking about her maybe being home for xmas.

YADNBU ti be feeling sad his 1st Xmas may be apent in hospital but concentrate on all the winderful christmasses you'll have at home together in the future, ones he'll remember!

Ignore you relative, its not a competition and don't allow her to make it one and drag you into it. All babaies are different and what happened for her won't be the same as for you - as having been there she should have more empathy.

Sunoverstars, our neighbour had her ds at 24 weeks last sept so she spent his first Xmas with him in hospital. She says she treasured it cos a few weeks earlier they thought he wouldn't even make it til Xmas.

Have a wonderful xmas with him, in whatever form it takes. Then have a proper xmas day when he gets home, even if that's in January. Turkey, crackers, presents, the lot. Congratulations, sons are just wonderful - although I am biased, I have two :)