to be really upset my baby probably won't be home for Christmas?

[SunOverStars]

DS was born 4 days ago - first baby. He was 8 weeks early, but each day up until today has been doing incredibly well. He is off all his monitors, out of incubator, in an open crib, but not eating well.

He is up to an ounce and a bit every 3 hours but all through NGT - he only had half out of a bottle after sucking for a solid hour.

I had really high hopes that he'd make it home soon, but the doctor came by and very dismissively said 'Nope, he's a boy. They take much longer. 2.5-4 weeks. Probably 4.' And then left

A family member close to me who had twins at 31 weeks (they were in hospital until near due date) said 'Get over yourself. He is doing much better than mine. We won't save a place for you at Christmas.'

AIBU to think she's a right cowbag and should be supporting me at this time?

and if it helps - look at it this way. He wasn't due to be around this christmas so its an extra one you'll have with him!!!

And your family member is being a cowbag, but maybe she's just jealous if her babies had a tough time. But it's not a competition FGS. It's tough for anyone to have a baby in hospital for any amount of time.

Family member could have been much much more supportive. Doctor may be wrong - perhaps he or she was trying not to get your hopes too high so that you might be in for a nice surprise. If you were my my SIL or sis then if that's what you wanted I'd take christmas to you and ds.

You might be pleasantly surprised yet and very often these things have a habit of turning right at the last minute so wrap a few present and get a chicken and some over the counter to go with bits for the freezer - you just never know!

PS - CONGRATULATIONS.

mumbar

I have thought of you often since you posted about the tiny baby. I'm so glad to hear she's doing well. Little miracle!

Sorry for hijack.

Sorry, only just realised he's only 4 days old. He's doing so well.

I'll elaborate then. Mine were born at 32+5 on 15th November. In high dependency for a week, twin 1 had 2 blood transfusions and couldm't tolerate NG feeds so milk had to be on continuous infusion pumps. Both had jaundice.

After a week they were moved to nursery and both out of incubators on day 8. Started trying to feed at about week 2 but neither were interested for another couple of days.

Dishcharged at exactly 3 weeks. Twin 1 re admitted with an infection, all home again 5 days later, 10 days before xmas.

Due date was jan 5th.

Up unitl 2 days before we came home, they would give us no clue other than the due date. They just can't commit themselves. But he sounds like he's doing brilliantly

Oh and YANBU, your 'family member' is a grade A bitch, clearly jealous of just how gorgeous your DS is!

Congratulations - SunoverStars. You're 4 days post prem birth. It's tough.

This was me last year - my DS was born on 1 December, 6.5 weeks early. He wasn't home for Christmas, but came out on the 27th.

It was still special and going in to see him in SCBU on Christmas day was lovely, actually. The nurses made it as special as they could with a stocking and a photo in a card. There is a photo on my profile (captioned 3wks 3 days) which was taken in SCBU on Christmas day.

We also opened an advent calendar for him each day in the run up, which we put above his cot, and have kept.

We are very much looking forward to his first 'proper' Christmas - but honestly have no regrets that he wasn't home in time for the last one. And this year, he actually has some concept of what is going on around him - this time last year he slept and slept some more.

Hi there. Congratulations!

My DTS's were born 6 weeks early 22 years ago, weighing 5lb6oz and 5lb8oz. They spent a week in SCBU and were on the ward with me for a week before being discahrged home. They had dropped a little weight and had jaundice in that 2 week period. I had been in hospital for "bed rest" 2 weeks prior to their induction, so as you can imagine, after 4 weeks, I was going stir crazy and dying to get home!

My sister had a little boy 10 weeks early by emergency C section last January, following a ruptured placenta. He was 4lb 2oz and she was told he would be in hospital for at least 6-8 weeks, but he was discharged after 3.

So take heart. He may well be home in time for Christmas, and if he isn't, you know there will be a sound reason for it, and that he is in the best place. Hopefully, his feeding will pick up.

Best wishes x

SunoverStars Congratulations on the birth of your DS :)

YANBU to be upset, I am sure that you fully appreciate that he is in the best place right now, but it won't make it any easier to accept he won't be with you on Christmas day.

YANBU about family member either, I'd have thought someone with experience of prem birth would have a bit more tact and understanding. Get over yourself? She sounds a real delight.

Fingers crossed that DS surprises the (miserable) doctor and your cowbag relative and is there with you on Christmas Day [hsmile]

Kangaroo care may help speed up the feeding?

Congratulations.

(I had a baby earlyish at 34/35 weeks who was 5lb but she fed well and we were home when I went g(planned section) but we didn't have Christmas as we were in Asia. That said we alsodidn't have areshole relatives tocontendwith

Christmas is still 19 days away and anything can happen in that time

At least he is in the safest place and you can still celebrate it with him in there and wherever he is he wont remember it at all anyway so dont worry about it so much just concentrate on him getting home

I just guess you've gotta ask yourself - would you rather have the doctor say to you now, this early in the month that he will definitely be home with you for Christmas, and then let you down nearer the time after you've had weeks to think about how you can make it perfect - or have him be realistic with you from day 1 and not letting you build your hopes up too much.

It may end up that you have a lovely Christmas with just you, your baby and OH and little faff - and it could even end up that he does get to come home afterall.

Chin up hon, either way you've got your baby's first Christmas just around the corner, you can make it special no matter where you have to spend it!

Congratulations on your new baby boy!

Your relative is being a cowbag, no doubt about it. Ignore.

It's very hard to predict when prem babies will come home - many units like them to be around their due date or at least 'term', ie 37+ weeks. But if he starts feeding like a trooper and gaining weight it may be a little earlier.

If it's any consolation he's in the best place, and IME even though Christmas in hospital isn't really where you want to be the staff try and make it as cheerful and Christmassy as possible (I used to like working Christmas!). Decorate his incubator, take in piles of food and celebrate your first - unexpected - Christmas with your lovely baby

Hi sunoverstars. Just wanted to add my congratulations and my story. Though of course all babies are different.
My DD was nine weeks early and 3lb 3. We were told from the start to expect to get her home on her due date. In the end she was 'only' in hospital for a month.
It sounds like your wee one is doing so well.

I think the staff don't want to get anybodys hopes up so err on the side of caution in when that tell you to expect baby home. When we left my DD on the Tuesday evening, she was in a hot cot (don't know if all hospitals use these? Basically the mattress is a heated water bed), had her NGT in and had taken a few odd feeds from bottle but nothing much.
We came in Wednesday morning to find her in a 'normal' cot. She had taken one bottle overnight. Thursday morning her NGT had been removed. Friday they asked me to roomin with her that night. Saturday we were home. It was that quick. On the Tuesday we were hoping we'd have her home in 2-3 weeks.

So although you shouldn't get your hopes up don't be too despondent. A lot can happen in 2 1/2 weeks.

And as others have said, a Christmas in NNU won't be the same as Christmas at home but will be special in it's own way. And I always reminded myself that things could have been so much worse.

Lots of hugs to you and your DS.

Oh, and the relative is being a cow. Take no notice.

Congratulations on the birth of your gorgeous DS!!
My DD was born at 32 weeks on 20th December weighing 3lbs 5oz. I was also told it would be a long haul, but in the end she came home after only 3 weeks.
We spent Christmas with her in the SCBU with her stocking and photo etc.
The funny thing was that there was no warning of her coming home - one morning they said - 'right do you want to go home and get the car seat - she can go home today?'
Luckily for me i had been carrying the car seat around in my car the whole time - so an hour after they said said she could leave, we were in the car with me furiously phoning my DH who was looking after DS.
My point is that you never know - keep positive and your DS will be home before you know it!
Big hugs x

Congratulations!

Your baby is doing well to be on NGT. Much better than TPN. The feeds will get larger as he does. Then the minute you get to go home will be fabulous, whenever it is.

I was in 4 weeks with my twins and it was a surprise when they said you can go now. So you never know!

Your Christmas will be the best one ever, no matter where you and your baby spend it.

Btw, I imagine you and your baby being in SCUBU is bringing all sorts of funny memories for your relative, and she is trying to be positive in a funny kind of way.

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

I feel your pain about not knowing when you will be able to take him home. All 3 of my ds' have spent time in SCBU due to prematurity (27, 34 & 35 weeks).

The hardest part for me was the not knowing when they would be discharged.
Ds3 was born 8 weeks ago at 35 weeks & was originally due to go to the post natal ward with me, but because of his small size (3lb 15oz) he was transferred to SCBU. They told me that he would be allowed home when he was feeding preoperly.
He was fed through an ng tube at first, then bottle fed ebm. We did have arguements about wanting them to remove the ng tube, as he was feeding well from the bottle, but when we went home the night staff could not be bothered to wait for him to finish the bottle feed, so they kept putting the rest down the tube. This is what delayed him coming home.

I hope that you get your little boy home as soon as is possible for him & that you can start to enjoy family life.

How insenstive of your relative! YANBU to want him home and be upset that it is unlikely but try your very best to remember that this is a moment in time - he will grow strong in hospital and you will have many more Christmas' with him at home & many more important days!

YANBU- It will be ok,your bonus Christmas, with your special baby will be special, even if it is in the SCBU.

But you know what, even if he is out by Christmas, do you really want to share that special day with your cow bag relative constantly trying to put down your hopes?

Congratulations!

I think that your relative could have been nicer, yes. It sounds like your baby is doing wonderfully well. Perhaps seeing you worrying about whether your baby will be home for Christmas has brought back bad memories for her, which make Christmas seem like a trivial worry. Or perhaps she's nasty all the time. Only you know.

Like someone else said, having a hospitalised baby is always hard. No-one should resent others for having it easy, comparatively speaking. But people do.

sunoverstars

My ds was born 8 weeks prem, although not until after Christmas, so I didnt have the Christmas in hospital issue. But your ds sounds like he is doing so much better than mine. In brief, we were told to expect ds home on his due date, DS spent his first week on CPAP (partial ventilation) and was then on oxygen until the end of his 4th week in SCBU via a nasal cannula. He was fed by ng tube until the end of his 3rd week, then went onto bottles. At one point they weren't even feeding him by ng tube (approx 24hrs), then it was 1oz every 12 hours, slowly upped to 1 oz every hour, then back down to 4 oz every 4 hours. And yet, even with all this he came home at exactly 5 weeks old (so the end of his fifth week in SCBU).
Now? Now he is 8, almost 9 (28th Jan), and you would never tell he had been a premmie. Have put a recent pic up on my profile for you, along with one a couple of weeks after he was born, if you want a nosey.

But I also remember how daunting it was, being there, not knowing what was happening with my ds (and also coping with a emergency c-section and several weeks in hospital due to pre-eclampsia, in my case). Yes, your relative should be supporting you, but as others have said she may be finding the memories hard. She may also be extremely jealous that your ds is doing so well when hers had a harder start. I wouldn't like to guess which, as I havent had to deal with the situation.

Take care of yourself SOS, feel free to talk on here, no matter how you feel someone will have been through it. And try, if you can, to think of it as mumbar suggested, and see it as a gift of an extra Christmas with your son, rather than a Christmas in hospital, if you can. I look forward to seeing a post the day your ds comes home, and hope it is soon.

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) to you all.

Glass I tried to nosey at your DS's pic but couldn't click on your profile?

Thank you all ever so much for your premmie stories, it seems like a common theme for doctors to err on side of caution and then surprising you with taking them home early.

We are also having the problem of the nurses not being bothered to fanny about with bottle and putting the rest of his feed through tube after 15 mins

Congratulations on the birth of your DS - enjoy every snuggly moment.

Take what the Dr said with a pinch of salt, they have to be realistic as to not build up false hope and expectations. You may be home, you may not, but at least your precious bundle is on the right road to recovery ( plus I've been in hospital with DS at Xmas before - it was still great and I wasn't required to cook!).

If I'm being honest (and I really don't want to sound mean) I think the family member who commented on the situation was actually trying to let you know that you should be thankful for what do you have - a prem baby who is doing well. I know a few women who would trade in a few Christmases for such a gift.

That said you are only four days post delivery and probably still getting used to being a mum! Good luck to both you and baby ( and I hope you get home before Xmas).

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

I agree with a lot of previous posts - DD1 was born at 32 weeks and we were told to expect to bring her home around her due date. She had a Grade 3 brain bleed and all sorts of other issues... including jaundice, NG tube only for first 9 days...

On day 23 they told me that the parents' room was available that night and, if I stayed in, then she could come home the following day.

There had been absolutely NO warning - we were still only in the 'second nursery' and had been told that she would basically work her way towards the door before coming home! She was still wired up to the monitors until 3 hours prior to us bringing her home!

DD1 is now a fabulously wonderful 4 year old and you would never know she had such a hard start in life.

On the other hand, DD2 was born (almost) 2 years ago at 35 weeks - on Christmas Eve. Obviously she was in NICU for Christmas - and the following 10 days as she struggled to gain weight. However, the staff were fabulous, Santa still found her (which means she had some gifts as we had bought her nothing as she was not sue until the end of January!) There were some lovely gifts from the staff and we have donated gifts this year for the babies in NICU over Christmas.

Again, she is a fabulously wonderful little rascal now and we are looking forward to what is her 3rd Christmas - even though she will be exactly 2 years old!

Hopefully, your DS will come home, and the doctors do err on the side of caution. But, if he needs to still be in hospital then that really is the best place for him.

Also, with regards to the nurses persevering with the bottles and just putting the feed down the NG tube; we had issues with DD1 where we would often turn up to do cares to find they had been done (to group her tests and disturbances). Either get your DP or a MW to speak to them - I found that they are very focussed on getting your baby medically sound and this can mean that they focus less on the parents.

Also do not be afraid of practically moving in so that you are there and can do as much for him yourself. I discharged myself after 2 days with DD1 but was still at the hospital for 12 hours each day if I wanted to be - I became a fixture and no one ever had a problem with that. I second Kangaroo care to speed things up, and also because it is lovely! DD1 could hardly come out of her incubator for the first 9 days but we still managed several 10 minute slots each day.

Good luck