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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding parties with kids or without?

66 replies

Colourworld · 06/12/2010 18:30

Have been invited to the wedding. The kids have not so we are thinkin gof the baby sitter. The organisers say only the kids of close relatives could come and join the wedding. In the summer we were invited to the wedding and although we could not come the kids were welcome. So what do you think of this? Is there a place for the kids at the big parties such as wedding? It used to be.

OP posts:

SauvignonBlanche · 06/12/2010 20:19

You don't often hear of children being excluded from other special occasions do you?

Niceguy2 · 06/12/2010 20:21

Agree it's personal choice but to me a wedding is a family celebration and therefore kids should be allowed.

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 20:21

I exclude children from as many occasions as possible. That includes DD

Myleetlepony · 06/12/2010 20:22

Well, I excluded them from my 40th birthday party as well. Hired a great venue, sorted out my own specific playlist, and all of us ageing headbangers leapt and jumped around all evening having a great time. That wouldn't have happened if they'd been encumbered with their small ones, and some tiny people could have got squashed.

I didn't have any pressure to allow children at that one, but many of the same people were there. So I'd say the opposite to you - You don't get so much fuss made about children being excluded from other events do you?

DandyLioness · 06/12/2010 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 20:27

Actually, thinking about it, I have had a housewarming party that no children were invited to, landmark birthdays and Christmas coctail parties. I have also been to loads of parties like these where there were no children, even when the hosts had DCs themselves! My friends and I hate children spoiling our fun must try harder to include little darlings.

doublechocchip · 06/12/2010 20:37

Up to the bride and groom.

We are getting married next year and the adults we are inviting to the day have 18 children between the ages of 1 and 5 which do not equal a fun wedding for all! We have no neices or nephews yet just our 2 and we are only inviting my cousins (9 and 12) and oh's dads partners grandkids- also 9 and 12.
We;ve tried taking ours to a wedding (dd was flowergirl, ds 6months) and it was a nightmare not through anyones fault just long times where you are wating (or should be drinking!) Trying to entertain them while you wait 3 hours to be fed- not taking them to another (apart from our own) for a good few years!

My sis works in a popular wedding hotel and the amount of toddlers she has rescued from carparks/kitchens/lifts because of drunk parents who are relaxing...anyway Im rambling

At least its only children Ive been to a wedding this year of one of my really good friends and it was no kids OR partners and Ive just been invited to another one with no partners next year!

SauvignonBlanche · 06/12/2010 20:53

Each to their own!
Can't decide if you're meanies or just have hideous children!

mamut · 06/12/2010 21:02

I have to say it does rankle me. Weddings are family occasions. One of my friends told me they were having a no children policy for their wedding (although they had three young bridesmaids - daughters of another friend). I was breastfeeding my 4 month old at the time and had to arrange to fit feeds between the ceremony/meal/evening do. So when we arrived and saw that others obviously hadn't been informed of policy I was livid!

frgr · 06/12/2010 21:03

SauvignonBlanche, I think the issue here is other people's hideous children.

In my family we have little angels sitting alongside little devils at family gathering (although much of the blame lies at parents feet, e.g. letting a toddler cry the whole way through a 30 minute church service to the point where even the most child-friendly nannas were whispering that the poor thing should be taken outside to calm down).

You can't issue invites in Template A and Template B (A going to the little angels, B going to the parents of the ones you know will affect the happy couple's day in a big way).

I'm a meanie I think

curlymama · 06/12/2010 21:43

We had children at our wedding, but including our own, there were only 10 in the daytime. If either of us had a family with loads of children, it just wouldn't have been practicle. I went to a wedding once where there were as many, if not more, children than adults. That's not what a wedding is about imho, it may as well have been a childrens birthday party.

SalFresco · 06/12/2010 21:48

I had children at my wedding because I wanted a wedding like those I remembered attending in the 80's as a child - kids staying up late, dancing, etc. I'm not a massive fan of childfree weddings, but it is up to the bride and groom - it only really becomes an issue when they then get irate if you can't go because of childcare probs.

rubyrubyruby · 06/12/2010 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moulesvinrouge · 06/12/2010 22:15

Well said Giddypickle it seems ridiculous that people get their noses out of joint because their precious little darling isn't allowed to someone else's party. That said, we're having kids at our wedding - not ours because sadly we don't have any - but your party, your choice I think

Original poster

Colourworld · 06/12/2010 22:36

The couple have invited to the register only their families. Then everyone goes to have a meal and then dancing. I am not particular interested in this wedding but my DH wants me to go there because of some respect. He actually thought that children have been invited as well. And today, he has found out that only children of their relatives have been invited. I can see that there might be a possibility that I stay at home! Then we do not have to hire a baby sitter. Our other friends got married a few month ago. They invited families with kids as they wanted to see everyone knowing there could be problems with baby sitting. They asked managers to think of some "baby" entertainment.
I would not say the latter family earns a lot more that this one. May be the same. I also know that the new bride used to moan a lot about children (she used to get irritated by the couples with children; I think this is because she has been going out with her future husband for over 5 years already and only recently got engaged; may be she wanted to have children but could not think of starting a family being unmarried but I might be wrong). Anyway, I think that it is better to invite all children and organise a play corner for them. They are not going to sit at the table anyway. Also, not everyone is going to bring a child. But it is nice when everyone is getting invited. But the party is all about the groom and bride and not other people, is it not? Well, my DH can go there but I do not want really.
There was time when we were children as well. I remember when I was a child and when my family was invited to weddings. We did not go to many. But there was joy when we did. There were other children. Often children would have a separate table and then we would just have fun.

One thing to add that while I think that children should be invited to the weddings not every wedding is for children. I would not have liked my children to come to a wedding where there are guests exposing themselves, vomit, swear etc.

OP posts:

dingdongDandyLioness · 06/12/2010 22:40

Guests exposing themselves?

Are these Ann Summers wedding parties or something?

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 22:42

Nice name change dingdong swiftly done!

I want to go to that wedding, sounds brilliant!

sausagelover · 06/12/2010 22:45

I don't think that weddings are the best place for children. depends on the kind of wedding I suppose, but mainly it's a formal dinner which goes on for ages cos of the speeches, then a disco full of steaming drunk people.

We've been to 3 weddings since having DS and he's not been invited to any of them and frankly I was glad that 1) I didn't have to worry about him making a noise during ceremony/speeches 2) I didn't have to run around after him all the time and therefore not really get to speak to anyone and 3) get to spend some decent time out with DH.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 06/12/2010 22:45

Up to Bride and Groom. Personally, when I went to weddings I did NOT want to take kids and we didn't most of time, because you spend the whole time just looking after them rather than having fun and adult conversations.

dingdongDandyLioness · 06/12/2010 22:49

Serendippy - the wedding favours at the Ann Summers-themed wedding would be quite something [hwink]

dingdongDandyLioness · 06/12/2010 22:50

doh - I was trying to do a Halloween wink when of course we're onto the Christmas ones. I am an idiot.

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 22:50

Not a hallowe'en wink, surely? You are WELL behind.

Serendippy · 06/12/2010 22:51

x-post. You are still dippy though, want to borrow my name

dingdongDandyLioness · 06/12/2010 22:57

dingdongdippydandy does have quite a nice ring to it

sorry for thread hi-jack OP

theITgirl · 06/12/2010 23:13

We did have children at our wedding, or at least didn't ban them. But we knew very few people with children (and as we were both the oldest child, not many relatives with children either).

Move on 10 years when DD's godfather got married, they did ban children. The children would have been nearly half the guests - and that is only inviting neices, nephews, godchildren & siblings of godchildren (ie ds would have got an invite as dd was godchild).

So who was the Bridezilla - if I was in my friends shoes, I would have banned children because where would I have stopped, half-SIL(9) & half-BIL(11) who were bridesmaid & usher, nephew(4) & neice(2), godson(5). OK that was all the children at our wedding and they were all fantastic, but 30 or 40 of them and the whole dynamic would have changed.

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