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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was nasty

41 replies

dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:09

I went out for dinner with my sister and brother tonight and we ended up talking about my brothers love life. My sister then launched into a long speech why she wouldn't go out with him and why if he doesn't change his ways he'll end up a lonely old man (he's only 23). My brother isn't perfect he has his flaws but it clearly upset him but she carried on regardless. I just texted to say I think she was mean and she said said it was for his own good and its time he heard some cold hard truths.

OP posts:
aleene · 05/12/2010 23:12

Oh dear. Had she had a lot to drink? Maybe she got carried away with too much stuff in her head itching to come out. is she often like this?

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 05/12/2010 23:12

Families somehow seem to think they have carte blanche to ride roughshod over siblings feelings.

She was OTT by the sounds of things. Have you contacted your brother to see how he feels?

Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:14

Shes never been the most sensitive person in the world but even for her this was a bit much.
She hadn't had that much to drink only a couple of glasses of wine

OP posts:
toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 05/12/2010 23:20

I would tell your brother that you think she was OTT and mean, it might help him feel a bit better if he is really upset.

Is your sister so perfect and sorted in her own life then? that she has the right to have a rant at her sibling? wow, can she let the rest of the human race in on the secret then please? (ouch, sorry, think this may have touched a toomuch nerve! Blush )

Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:23

She has done well for herself and she knows it.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 05/12/2010 23:24

What were the reasons she gave for finding him so unatractive?

Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:28

She thinks he is too shy and doesn't emit confidence. He also lacks adventure and is too stuck in his ways.

OP posts:
Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:29

Oh and he's too skinny and scrawny and needs to bulk up

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 05/12/2010 23:32

Did you tell him you thought it was nasty? He will value your support.

Goblinchild · 05/12/2010 23:32

So he's not her kind of man?
Her tastes are obviously limited then. She was opinionated and rude, being related is no excuse.
Older sister?

crystalglasses · 05/12/2010 23:33

Why didn't you stand up for your brother at the time?

Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:35

I've texted him saying I think she was harsh and wrong.
She is the eldest and he's the youngest

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 05/12/2010 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firawla · 05/12/2010 23:36

you should have stood up for him, yanbu to think she was nasty it doesnt sound nice at all. if those are his worst points that you mentioned above (too shy and too skinny etc) then i think there is a lot worse around than just that! also if he has low confidence then does your sister really think such way of speaking 2 him is going to boost it up?!?

pjmama · 05/12/2010 23:41

All she's told him is that he doesn't fit her idea of what consitutes an acceptable boyfriend. There are plenty of other women out there with totally different tastes and opinions. You should make sure your brother knows that her opinion is not fact and next time he should tell her to mind her own bloody business.

Original poster
dertitude · 05/12/2010 23:47

The more I think about it the worse it is, the comments about him being skinny were bullying and he does lack confidence but he has still done pretty well for himself although he did have a setback when he was 19

OP posts:
MeowyChristmasEveryone · 05/12/2010 23:51

Poor bloke. Xmas Shock

bunnymother · 05/12/2010 23:54

Ouch how mean! And such comments are hardly going to build his confidence. Pointless, destructive behaviour from your sister.

pallette · 05/12/2010 23:55

I have a sister who does this, the worst thing is that she thinks she is helping

popelle · 06/12/2010 00:09

YADNBU I want to give him a hug, if the worst thing about him is that he's skinny and lacking in confidence then I think a lot of women will want him. Seriously though if he lacks confidence how did she think this would help?

blackeyedsusan · 06/12/2010 00:10

Your brother sounds lovely, perhaps relabel some of those things as reliable and steady. dh is skinny slim and lean and I think he looks fab.

tecerel · 06/12/2010 00:13

His worst flaws are he is skinny and lacking in confidence, doesn't sound too bad to me. No-one is perfect

What was this setback that you refer to OP

Original poster
dertitude · 06/12/2010 00:16

teceral it was no big deal basically he dropped out of uni and was on the dole for a few months (I also suspect he selfharmed but he won't admit it)

OP posts:
booyhohoho · 06/12/2010 00:16

so basically she laid into someone for being shy and being physiaclly unappealing, in public??? Shock

she sounds vile. your poor brother. why didn't you stop her while she was saying all this??

FooffysFestiveShmooffery · 06/12/2010 00:27

Well if part of her issue was that he is TOO shy what was she trying to acheive? If it was sinking his confidence and/or self esteem to new lows then well done to her cos thats exactly what will happen.

When it comes from strangers or outsiders it hurts but you deal with it. When it comes from your closest and loved ones - jesus - that will hurt,

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