in thinking that this work trip is like a trip from hell? as others at work think I am

[Ferb123]

every year, our global company host a big get together for senior staff. It's always somewhere abroad and normally fairly hard going (everyone has to do presentations, we do breakfast then straight to work, lunch in the conference hall, straight to dinner, bed, wake up for breakfast). It's v tiring but because of that, has always been held in quite a nice luxurious hotel within say 15-30 mins of an international airport so it's easy for everyone. You don't get much time to yourself but at least you do get your own space in the evening.

I've just received the invitation for this year's one and it's not being held in a hotel this year. They have decided to hold it in (what are supposed to be) luxury cabins (same price as the hotel) in the middle of fucking nowhere - about 2 hours from a regional airport. And I've just looked them up and they are tiny. The bedrooms are v v close together, there are obviously no locks on the door. Some of the bedrooms have bunk beds for children (they are family lodges, designed for family groups or groups of friends). Not all of them have bathrooms.

I am the only woman going. I don't particularly want to share bathrooms with a whole load of blokes I don't even know that well. Nor do I particularly want to hear them snoring through the walls or strolling around in their pyjamas. This isn't a young company, the people coming are v senior (so nost are in their 60s), not that this bothers me, but I'm now going to have to spend every minute with them as all the recreational areas (like the lounge) are open plan and obviously, because it's a lodge there are no TVs or desks in the rooms!

It's for a whole bloody week and I am dreading it. Coupled with the fact that one of the men who came last time spent most of his time knocking on my hotel room door (I could lock it and pretend I wasn't there) saying he wanted 'a coffee' (yes you can imagine his intentions) and he is already looking totally fucking gleeful at the arrangement....no locks on the door, free range to roam around :(. What the fuck am I going to do!

Spoke to my boss who said 'I don't know what's wrong with you, it'll be great, you can have your own room with a bathroom' ARRRGHHH

take a door wedge with you and wedge your door at night

I would also consider "confiding" in leech man that you have terrible thrush/ringworm/scabies/gynae probs at the moment to deter his advances...and maybe wear a onesie that'll stop him!

on the face of it, this guy hasn't actually done anything really wrong - maybe he just really likes coffee and didn't have anyone to go with , cos nobody was 'in'!

but i would consider using computer or phone to record what goes on, at least in the room. as above, unless you have a record, it might look completely harmless to all the other (male) staff when you know it isn't

Sounds dangerously close to sexual harrasment ( from the leech I mean) to me...

dh bought the Sunday Times today and in the holiday section they had top 15 travel gifts and this

www.handpickedcollection.com/ila-door-alarm-wedge.html

(I hope that works) was in there OP I would get one of those this is what it says

Even if you lock a hotel room from the inside, you can?t always control who can access it from the outside. Jam our wedge under the door and it will be harder to open, plus it will emit an ear-splitting alarm. Also useful to make sure children don?t escape. And great for peace of mind for students in communal accommodation. Watch our demonstration video below with Jacqui Hames, Britain's best-known real-life detective.

YANBU about the no door locks and no private toilet, but with the rest of it.. yes I think you are being a bit precious they are wanting to get you all to get to know each other better and a place like this will do that. DOesnt mean you should be unsafe but that can be resolved.

First of all introduce leech to your husband or 'hire a husband' preferably a large menancing looking type (i can lend you one).

Secondly allow leech to corner you at work about sharing car hire and subtly grab him by the goolys and politley tell him to back off.

He is a bully and is using the fact that you think he could damage your professional reputation as a threat to keep you quiet. You could make his and the company's life hell with a sexual harrasment suit. It is in his interests and the companies for him to back off.
In all seriousness if feel you are not safe you should not go.

is there a HR person you can confide in? even the smallest companies can loose a lot in a sexual harassment case. I agree with the suggestion above about recording any conversation he tries to have with you in private. Try not to let him see you are worried. That would only make him feel stronger.

Yes, as people say organise the transport in a way he will not know about; just say you do not want your travel plans disclosed to anyone.

Then make sure you wedge the door and you could always pull the bed right up against it anyway to stop it opened. Also you could stay in your room however small. It's not impossible just to sit on a bed reading peacefully in the evenings or if there is phone/internet signal going on line via your phone etc in the room. And as you say scream if anyone tries to open your door at night. Perhaps take a do not disturb sign as they have in hotels and put on your door at night.

Doesn't sound great, does it :(.

I'd also take a door wedge - my DSis did a lot of travelling as a single young woman and this was the advice the travel company gave as a way to keep unwanted visitors out of rooms.

Hope its not as bad as you fear.

Could you imply to HR that you are worried about 'inappropriate behaviour' and imply you really don't want to sue their ass but you might have no choice?

I really hate to sound alarmist but it's got to be date-rape heaven. The bloke will know you won't want to embarrass yourself and can push it as much as he likes........

sorry but have a worse-case-scenario mind

YANBU. But my company does the same and we have to share rooms

I would definitely tell HR, in writing that you are concerned as you have experienced sexual harassment at one of these functions. Do this before you go. I would also raise the concerns you have here as concerns before you go.

Ring the hotel place directly and ask them how single female travellers are protected by these arrangements, and what others do under the circumstances. It is a fair question. I wouldn't go anywhere where there was no lock on the door. My friend had a drunk wander into her room as he had mistaken it for his own, he wandered straight out when she screamed (he tried to get into the wardrobe as he thought it was the bathroom) but it scared the hell out of her, and he had no bad intentions!

Tell the organiser that your travel plans are completely private as in the past there has been inappropriate behaviour. You do not have to name names or even confirm it is someone who is going on the trip this time.

Take one of those door wedges as recommended by other posters.

If anything inappropriate happens tell your boss immediately, do not name names, you can then also say you raised the issue with HR before you left.

Don't let creepy bloke get away with anything, in fact, if possible front him up very strongly and tell him he is being a creep and go away, to his face. Point out his behaviour is unacceptable, he is counting on you doing and saying nothing, also tell him you have raised the issue with HR.

Then you have a documented trail if he tries to blacken your name. If you have a phone with a recording function, then use it.

It sounds terrible.

I am finding it hard to imagine as I have never had and will never have a job where I would be expected to go on a week long trip like this. You are obviously made of stronger stuff than I since you've coped with the hotel ones, which sound bad enough!

I would absolutely hate being stuck in a cabin with men I was not related to, even if they were the nicest blokes around. We girls need our privacy! Would be bad enough if it was women or at least a mixed group but as a lone woman - I couldn't do it. I also don't think it's appropriate, otherwise why don't all offices, shops etc have unisex toilet facilities?!

It sounds like you'd hate it but just get on with it were it not for the leech though. I am worried for you.

Are the cabins in the grounds of a hotel? If so, could you insist on having a room in the hotel itself?

I really hope you can tell somone that you just don't feel safe with the arrangements as they are and get it changed.

hmm. if the leech knows the area do you think he has suggested this place to the organisers as a great place to hold this sort of event?

Think the fact that the leech has spoken to hr about wanting to go in a car with you before you have spoken to them should be a big red flag to hr to keep a watch out on him. If you ask them to keep your travel plans distinct from his and to ensure that you are booked on a different plane and different car from him, would they do that (given he has already requested the opposite - ie in giving you what you want, they will be not giving him what he wants - is he more senior than you?). Can you get something specific in writing that (based on his previous behaviour if you feel brave enough) you do not want to be sharing anything with this man - certainly not in the same cabin, plane, car, bathroom and if the situation does arise then you will make separate arrangements to avoid him and they will be billed for the costs (ie taxi, plane ticket, separate hotel bedroom - is there another hotel nearby you could escape to?)

Would definitely speak to hr about it and get something in writing about being uncomfortable aabout the set up - would be fine if it is a more evenly mixed group or just men or women but I think when you are the only one in a group (or if a man was in the vice-versa situation) you are always going to feel a bit wary, particularly when it is so remote and unlike usual way of doing things.

Can you get a tv reception thing for your laptop so at least you can get tv to watch when you are in your room?

Seems unusual to book something that you are so key to that they will cancel it all if you pull out that they did not run it past you beforehand to check that you are happy with it.

Could you use your dh/dp/mother/etc as a way of discussing it with HR - as in, he was very unhappy to hear what is being provided by way of accomodation and when talking it through with him, you realised how unprofessional and inappropriate it was to put you into this situation and put your dh/etc into this situation of knowing where you are but not able to help you etc.

Make sure you get it in writing about it being unprofessional and inappropriate to organise a senior work event (ie not a team building/jolly from the sound of your description of previous events) at such a location; guessing that global companies usually hate being called that on record.

Do you think the person that set it up chose it because they (he?) liked that sort of thing but didn't think through the wider implications of the choice? Will it have suitable conference facilities for the work side of things - any way you could get them to change the location now - even if it was to a conference hotel near the same airport that you are all flying in to.

Any chance of getting a taxi to the place or are you expected to drive yourself / share as directed.

Do you think allocating the rooms is going to be one of the bonding exercises for the week?

Sorry, just realised this has turned into a big dump of random thoughts - do feel you are definitely NBU!

Sounds like a nightmare. I agree speak to HR and organiser and say that you would be very uncomfortable unless you have a female only lockable cabin etc. I think also you can say to boss that you are worried about your safety.

I once refused to visit an oil rig (as an auditor) - my manager wanted me to do overnight stay, said it would be fun and I'd get to go in helicopter, I said no thanks, I'd leave the fun for a male colleague.

Been thinking about this overnight. Is it a Center Parcs that you're going to? I know at least one of them has a hotel on site as well so you might be able to get a room in that.

Also you should have WI-FI in the cabin so make sure you take your laptop so you can surf/watch TV in your room.

If the leech really wanted to help you in sharing a car etc, surely the normal thing would be to approach you first & ask about your arrangements and if you wanted to share.

Going behind your back via the travel organisers, without raising it with you is definitely suspicious - he obviously feels you'd refuse if you had the choice.

Definitely flag up with HR/organiser.

What is the atmosphere like in your company re this sort of behaviour? If you went round telling everyone in a joking way about his behaviour last time and his tricks with the travel arrangements, would your colleagues take the mickey out of him or sympathise with him?

sounds dreadful. Any chance of getting your own cabin? Also don't hesitate to raise the issue of the leech with HR as it's clearly causing you distress.

door stops are fab in situations like this. Get a rubber one from a pound shop - there'll be no shifting it!

I'd sooner cut my arm off than go on a trip like this, even without a personal stalker to fend off,

It sounds horrid - no lock on your door?

Most people in a senior position probably have valuables worth a grand (ipod, iphone, and so on).

Events like this freak me out - I mean who wants to spend a week with their work colleagues - day and night.