to hate the facebook culture

[aristomache]

I cancelled my facebook account 4 months ago, as I was getting increasingly irked by the culture in which it has became socially accpetable for us all to know what's going on in each other's lives.

I had a few people on my facebook who were wingers/moaners/show-offs/public dirty-laundry airers, which I hated but who I couldn't delete as it would have caused bother.
Anybody who's important to me has made the effort to keep in touch via other means, and I dont miss it at all- it's also really cut down on my internet usage and cut £7.50 a month from my mobile phone bill, as I only ever used mobile internet to facebook.

Today I've been told that a family member of mine had uploaded photographs of me that I wouldn't have wanted the world and his wife to see - when I rang them to ask them to delete the pics, I was treated like the nastiest bitch on the face of the planet and hung up on!

Before anyone jumps any guns, I was as nice as I possibly could be about it, asked nicely and didn't demand that the pics be removed - just said that I'm not on facebook because I don't want everyone knowing everything I get up to and I'd rather that they didn't let everyone know what I was up to either, and please if they didn't mind could they delete any pics of me.

But the general concesus seems to be that I'm a tight bitch/am no fun/have no sense of humour for asking this, none of with is true btw - I just really hate the facebook culture.

I've started this kind of thread before on another forum and was roundly flamed for daring to diss the facebook.

so,AIBU? is it really just a fact of modern life that I have to get on board with or does the facebook culture actually suck?

Me too Janice! But I think the photo thing is tricky. Harmless nostalgic photos from a shared past is one thing, but recent photos, perhpas where you are drunk, or looking awful, or at a party when you told another friend you were unable to get a babysitter that night because you really didn't want to have dinner with her and her new dreadful boyfriend, can all get very very tricky.

Yey i am not the only one to de-activate (or rather my DH as i didn't have my own one - we shared one).

I am not interested in the mundane snippets of info that most people post and it's just inane chatter imo but i am so in the minority i do realise!

However my DH has set up another one purely for invites as we kept mising out on parties and gatherings as everyone presumed everyone was on FB but we don't update profile or show any family photo's of our DC and this now works for us.

We are kinda oldfashioned in the way that if you are a friend then phone me not poke me. However i do love mn but that is so not the same thing as FB

When Facebook first emerged it seemed to be a superior replacement for Friends Reunited - a few years on, I have de-activated my FB and derive a lot of enjoyment from the latter instead. It is a lot less egotistical than FB and v much organized along 'school-y' lines; feels like a v British product as opposed to a US one.

I really worry that such a huge number of people communicate via a single privately owned company. It is never good when such a monopoly exists. I think that FB is too big and too all-encompassing. I will never join FB.

due to it being a new social media -people will adjus and get used to how to handle it. Just like small children learn to paly and shre etc when growing.

use the parts you like and don't use the parts you don't enjoy. Photogrpahs I have had a problem with, I uploaded a lot of family photographs for people over seas to view, one person put horrid remarks on all the photos of ou grandmother - I deleted all the remarks and then stopped her form seeing all those family photogrpahs - job done.

If I put photogrpahs up of my dd's birthday party - then i resrict the people that can see the photogrpahs to about 3-4 people that i want to see the photos - then I don't get compalints form other people wanting me to take the photogrpahs down, as they can't see the photos in the first place

Get nicer friends.

FACEBOOK

IS

EVIL

and people who don't respect a polite request not to splash someone's picture all over an open forum are beyond the pale. Pity it's a family member so never speaking to them again is not a sensible option. The photo issue itself is not a very big deal (unless you have a bit of a phobia about being photographed, as I used to) but their horrible attitude is. A normal person would surely have said "I am sorry you were offended that I put those pictures up, of course I'll remove them", even if they said "humourless cow" to themselves after putting the phone down! I wonder if it's one of those cases of people overreacting aggressively to compensate for the guilt they ought to feel because they should have asked you first. Weird, but depressingly common, to cover up a lapse of manners with even worse manners.

Me again... sorry, I just can't stop posting on this thread...

Some people I know take pics everytime they go out or do anything. It seems that the sole reason for these pics is to put them on FB so other people can see them and comment on them. Not that they want the pics for the sake of memories, no. It's all about who will see them and what they will say.

People seem to live through FB and use pics and comments to validate their relationships, friendships and their parenting.

Btw, I'm not saying anything about any of the the posters here! It just seems that way from some of the people I know.

YANBU.

I am still on facebook because it is the easiest way for me to keep in touch with my siblings who are all away at various times and my friends and I often arrange group activities and it is easier to set up an event through Facebook.

However I have deleted about 100 people from my so called friends list, they weren't friends. It has caused problems with me and someone I know and I didn't like the fact that my DH's cousin had pictures of DS all over her facebook and her privacy settings are non existant. I got DH to message her to take the pictures down or change her privacy settings.

I don't want all sorts of pictures all over facebook, I have no control over who sees them and I no longer do those stupid status updates that let people know I am about to take a dump etc (I never actually put that but I have a friend who does).

TKC I know someone who even takes pictures of what they've made for tea to put on FB and I agree, it does seem to be a form of seeking approval or validation.

The picture issue was just an aside really, it's the whole culture of everybody knowing what everybody's doing. And that because of facebook - that's now socially acceptable, you seem "odd" somehow if you don't join in.

the coalition I've also had an incident where somebody who is definitely not a friend used their open facebook profile to write some disgusting things about my SN son - including the charming phrase "I hope god shits all over your mother's face"

so it's really not just about facebook "friends" it's the whole arena of facebook itself and what it's become in today's society.

a friend of mine photographs everything, and posts all of her bloody photos on facebook. she is very intrusive with her camera.

i have had to be really firm with her about not taking pictures of my son, and have insisted that she removes all pictures of him from fb as his father is on her friends list. if DS' father wants to see pics of our son, he can get off his sorry backside and be a father to him, and take the pics himself

rant over!

aside from that, i enjoy fb. as a single parent i'm on my own as soon as DS had gone to bed, so enjoy catching up with people in the evenings, without racking up a huge phone bill. :)

Some of you really do know some weird people.

Aye Fellatio - almost all of peoples Facebook problems could be solved by getting nicer friends.

Aristomache - The problem there is not facebook. It's that that particular person is a cunt. If they weren't using facebook they would find some other way to be unpleasant. Not very clever of them to do so on a forum that makes it easy to trace them, as if they are guilty of harrasment you can argue that this is aggravated by disability hate speech.

Facebook is for show offs and busybodies IMO.

My SIL is a facebook addict. When we were on a family holiday she kept taking very contrived photos of herself posing and pouting - we later understood that they were the ones she wanted to put on facebook. DS and I thought it was hilarious that she was so serious about it all.

Hate Facebook. Hate the fact that every relationship breakdown I've heard about recently has had FB involved.Hate the moronic txtspk and pointless status updates. Hate the showing off, the look-at-me culture and the bitching.
Hate how excluding it can be to refuse to join - I've had issues at work where people suggest setting up a FB group to keep on top of something. As if we didn't all have email accounts and telephones.
Hate the new belief that something hasn't really happened until it's uploaded onto Facebook. Hate the intrusive cameras.

Not a fan

I really agree Sue with what you said:

"Hate the new belief that something hasn't really happened until it's uploaded onto Facebook"

That seems to be apparent for many people.

I think there is a link to the current craze for TV shows to have everyone and their dog be able to phone in to give their 2p worth opinion on contestants and shows. It's as if things aren't real until someone can pass comment on it....

MN is totally different though

YANBU, i de activated my account over a year ago now, i thought i might miss some aspects of it (as i have family that live hundreds of miles away and it was nice sharing pics etc) but i really don't miss it one bit.
I met my husband through myspace though (yeah a good while ago now) so you'd have thought i'd be all for social networking but i just found with me it was a fad that was mildly interesting for a time and then i grew bored of it.
If i had a penny for everytime i've been asked if i'm on facebook though lol and then the look and why ??? when i say no.
I can never be bothered to explain as i doubt the other person has all day haha.

Also as the camera has never been my friend people rarely get a picture of me so thankfully the chances of me appearing on anyone else's fb is pretty slim.

RE the OP, it's a shame the person who put the pics up didn't just say 'yeah sure' when you asked for the pics to be deleted, i can't see why they'd be offended at you asking they be deleted...but thats one of the many reasons i got rid of my account long ago YANBU

I think FB is fine in moderation.

I have a friend (obviously, a mutual friend with many others) who posts obsessively. He posts photos of himself at least 5 times a week -normally at the F1 somewhere with some celebrity. It's outrageous how often he posts. In the airport; at departures; about to board the plane .etc,, you get my drift.

Anyway, last Christmas, he was invited to one of my mutual friend's house for Christmas lunch. My friend noticed him missing from the table half-way through lunch after a few minute and went to find him.

And guess what? she found him crouched over his laptop, uploading a photo of his Christmas lunch with his status update: "having Christmas lunch in Dubai".

THAT is what is wrong with FB. It creates addicts!

YANBU. I hate it too, although I can see the point for keeping in touch with far-flung friends and family. I deleted my account a year or so ago after they changed everybody's privacy settings without warning.

There is a way to totally delete your account on there, not just deactivate it, but it's well-hidden. Can't remember how you find it now - try searching 'delete account' on the site. I remember it doesn't get deleted immediately - you have to wait 14 days - during which time, if you click on anything FB related (such as the numerous spammy emails they will send you) it reactivates your account for you.

I hate FB too, I also hate the sighs of frustration i get from people when they talk about me not being on FB, coz, y'know they have to communicate with me personally

I do dislike the opportunity it gives people to act thoughtlessly and inconsiderately. I put some pictures up, that were restricted to family members only. A family member copied the picture, and put it on his photos. And then strange people I'd never met (his friends) commented on photos of MY children. So now nothing goes up. I was going to approach him over it all, but I knew there was no way that would end well.

That should read: "the NEW opportunity".

YANBU

There's also people who steal other people's news to put on FB. For example, women who post about the arrival of their new nephew, while the new mother is still in hospital. It's up to the parents to announce the birth, surely! But nooooo. So when the parents did get round to FB, it had been done for them, and proud auntie had muscled in on all the congratulations.