to wish dperession would not rear it's ugly head

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i am not sure if it is my fault, as everytime i feel good i come off the tablets, then after a few days i go back to feeling so low.

it takes weeks then to go back to feeling happy again.

will i just spend the rest of my life on anti-d's

Ah that's rough. Depression canbe a bit of a roller coaster. Just not as excitng! Perhaps you're a bit too quick to reduce your dose? Perhaps give yourself a little longer to establish a habit of being emotionally well, before reducing?

Its rubbish isn't it?

I've been on them for around 8 years.
I managed to wean myself off them with the help of my GP when I got pregnant. Was soooooo proud of myself and was feeling okay (being on AD's really f**ks my sleep patterns) but then had to go back on them when DD was 6 wks old.
She's now 23wks and I'd love to come back off them, but know I'll never feel 'right' without them :(

I don't think everyone has to spend the rest of their life on them, so speak to your GP about reducing your dose slowly or swapping onto another type that is easier to withdraw from.
Don't forget the winter is harder for some people too, so it might be easier to 'kick' them in the springtime.

Also, what's to say being on them is such a bad thing if they make things bareable (although prescriptions are bloody expensive!)
Hope you're feeling okay for now. Be kind to yourself.

I know how you feel, best way I've found to deal with it is; there are a lot of illnesses which require lifelong medication, and if it helps your health then you should take it.

How long have you been on them? And do you take yourself off the pills under the supervision of a doctor? Also, do you stop cold turkey or taper off?

my dd is 18 months and been on them since she was 4 months old.

There are some people - myself included - who just think popping 1 small pill makes things better.

Keeps the depression at bay, and why not. For me, without out, it is always a low hum in the back of my head. To be honest, even with the tabs it is a low hum, but a quieter one.

I think it is like having webbed feet - just one of those things and don't worry about it. Take the mental tabs and chill out, I would say.

I changed from prozac to citalopram recently and felt so much better.

I was mental on prozac but feel sooo much better on citalopram. My GP says is often other way around.

I know it's crap taking tablets, but they are the things balancing the chemicals in your brain and making you feel all right again. It is not your fault that you have depression; it's just chemicals. It's all just chemicals.

I'm with JJ17 on this - for the sake of keeping the depression at a murmur rather than a shout, I'm happy taking my two tablets per day and staring at a sunlamp in the depths of winter.

Is it all just chemicals though?I am just curious as struggling myself.I dont use tablets but do try everything else I possibly can to try and keep it at bay, St Johns, exercise, writing etc..Does it not have to do with other things; how we were raised, genes,our lives, relationships..?

Have you tried CBT? It was the one thing that I found that lasted because it changed my though processes. I hated being on AD's because I felt they masked my emotions and feelings rather than change anything. CBT enabled me to really change. Of course I still do relapse but I can drag myself back now rather than completely falling apart.

I take 3 pills a day just to keep myself functioning. And have been doing so for nearly 20 years, except for about 3 years when I was conceiving and having my son. Those were not fun years. And, in fact, was put back on one when pregnant as a non-functioning mummy was weighed to be less of a risk to my son than the pills.

This does not make me weak or a saddo. It makes me strong enough to realize I need some help because my brain is not wired correctly.

People don't question diabetics taking insulin or tablets, so why question treating your very real illness with medicine as well?

Take your pills. You'll feel better.

More of a risk to my son, rather.

I too have been on them since my ds was 4 months old. Now he is 16 and every day I thank God for them. I would not still be here if it wasn't for the ad's.

We're lucky to have been born in an time where they exist.

story It's a mix. It can be reactive depression (after bereavement etc) or chemical, or a mix of both.

I yo-yo'd on and off ADs all through my 20s for the reasons you describe; I hated being on them, so as soon as I felt better I'd start coming off them, crash soon afterwards and have to go back on them.

Now (I'm in my late 30s) I accept that it's better for me to take the tablets and stay on a relatively even keen. I scale my dose down during the summer months when I naturally feel better, and back up in the winter - I've just had to double my dose as I could feel myself sliding down into that familiar dark place over the last month or so.

If you want to come off your ADs, make sure you take them solidly for at least 6 months (and until you're feeling better, obviously), and then reduce your dosage very very gradually, letting your body adapt for a couple of weeks each time you reduce. Take it particularly slowly with the final dose - cutting up tablets for a while. Please don't just stop and start them - this will throw you further out of balance.

Good luck - things can be better, I promise!

storygirl "Is it all just chemicals though?I am just curious as struggling myself.I dont use tablets but do try everything else I possibly can to try and keep it at bay, St Johns, exercise, writing etc..Does it not have to do with other things; how we were raised, genes,our lives, relationships..?"

For me, I know all the things that I need to do to help me feel better, but when I'm really low I just don't have the mental or physical strenth to do any of them. For me, the AD gives me just enough of a leg up for me to be able to do the things I know keep it at bay.

I think most depression is multifactorial, but some people's depression is obviously reactive, or exogenous - in reaction to something external that's happening, like bereavement, relationship problems etc. My depression, and many others' too, is more endogenous - it isn't caused by external events, but is there even if things are going swimmingly in life. Obviously I'm affected by difficult things happening, and they might trigger a deepening depression, but the depression is always lurking there anyway.

HTH

I go through the same thing AuntiePickleBottom. I've been on the ADs for about 2 years on and off. Every time I feel better and stop taking the tablets, I start to get sucked back down. In fact just had a bad episode and decided to start taking the ADs again. It's a bit of a rollercoaster, and part of me feels a bit sad that I'm facing a lifetime of pills. However, if I had something else wrong, I wouldn't hesitate to take something to help, so why should ADs be different?

I think there are varied reasons for depression- I do think part of it is in your nature, and environmental factors can then exacerbate it. Apparently I always had a worried look, even as a newborn!

I looked into taking supplements instead of ADs (it was in an American book I was reading) at a cost of over £200 dollars for a months supply of vitamins, minerals etc the ADs are great value in comparison to that!

peering you describe my depression very well, something that is there all the time no matter how well things are going.

I get depressed never been to a doctor about it because I don't want no pills or anything.

I play guitar and write songs, and shoot people in the face on the 360 which all ways makes me feel better about stuff, I don't think pills would be a good idea for me, sometimes I'm proper low, don't see the point in anything, other times I don't give a fuck about anything and who the hell do you think you are to talk to me like that, I'm a million times better then you and one day I'm gonna be rich and you're be the first against the wall.

When you are like that I just think popping pills every so often when the mood changes isn't a good idea.

Phish I think that supplements will help resolve depression only when the depression is caused by a vitamin or mineral imbalance, which is quite rare. I wasted a lot of money on them in the past.

One of the things that I found hard to accept with my depression, was that I was a complementary therapist in my 20s, and tried all the natural cures, none of which worked. Taking ADs felt like a failure. Now though, I still take herbs, and they help me keep my AD dose as low as possible, to minimise side effects. But I've accepted that I need the ADs to keep me basically stable, so I can work on the rest of it, IYSWIM.

Storygirl, St Johns IS a tablet, it's been trialled a lot and is prescribed in European countries for mild or moderate depression. So, you can't really say you don't take tablets if you take St John's wort, although I do agree with you that there's a whole package of things that might help and it's not just necessarily about one pill.

Its not your fault you find it difficult to come off the tabs. I have been on them for 8 years and made several attempts to come off but I cannot seem to give up the last 10mg of citalopram.

The thing is with it I can function well on this low dose but without i very soon can't work and can't even get up in the morning. As i don't seem to have side effects I have accepted its best to carry on.

Don't beat yourself up just accept that you need a little health supplement to correct an imbalence :)

peering I see what you mean. Which herbs do you take if you don't mind me asking? I wasn't sure you could take anything alongside ADs.

I felt really hopeful when reading the book, [depression free naturally] that there was a 'natural' cure, but now I'm quite resigned to taking the ADs. I think I'll keep on with B vitamins and multivitamins but I'd be bankrupt buying everything they suggested!

You only feel good because the tablets are working.

When you stop taking them you take away what they are doing to help you.

YOu should never just come off anti-depressants the process has to be gradual so your body does not totally withdraw.

If you had a headache you would not even consider not taking pain killers, so if something makes you feel better take it.

Phish I trained as a herbalist, so I take quite a complex prescription. I use herbal tinctures (alcoholic extracts of herbs), which I take diluted in water twice daily. The thing with herbal medicine is that as a holistic form of medicine, it takes account of all the health problems you have. So you look at all the problems someone has, and then you choose the herbs that have actions relevant to as many of the issues as possible. Ideally you shouldn't self-prescribe, as you're not impartial, but I do.

My most recent prescription included these:

Panax ginseng - an amazing (and bloody expensive) herb. It's an adaptogen, which means that it enables the body to better cope with stress, whether that be physical, mental or emotional. It's been the subject of lots of research.
Carduus marianus - liver tonic and healer; essential if you drink too much wine like me...
Schisandra chinensis - another liver healer and general tonic (can't be too careful.. ). Very versatile herb.
Hypericum perforatum - St. John's Wort. TBH it's never worked very well for me, but I've been trying it here in high doses as an adjunctive therapy.
Astragalus membranaceous - a long term immune system stimulant and overall tonic.
Crateagus oxycantha - lowers blood pressure (hypotensive), tonic for the circulatory system.
Angelica sinensis
Paeonia lactiflora
Anenome pulsatilla - these all work to balance and nourish the reproductive system, and all also have a general tonic effect of the body/mind. I also have endometriosis and cyclical breast tenderness, so I chose herbs that help that and also are 'nervines' - working to balance and boost the nervous system.
Vitex agnus castus - the primary herb for any hormonal imbalance; works on the pituitary-adrenal-hypothalmic axis.

That's probably no help at all - sorry!

Some of the classic 'nervine' antidepressant herbs are St John's Wort, Skullcap, Passiflora and Valerian. They work for some people but they don't do enough for me - I need the pharmaceuticals, and then I use the herbs to boost my energy and smooth out my hormonal stuff. I definitely use it as 'complementary' rather than 'alternative' medicine. If you're interested in this, I'd recommend you see a medical herbalist for a proper holistic consultation. If you want to self-medicate, David Hoffmann's "The Complete Illustrated Holistic Herbal" is a really good place to start.

thanks for all the replys, i guess i do need them.

i have got to stop thinking taking them, i am a faliure.

i want my kids to see a happy mum, who is full of life.

not someone who i am now.