Stepdaughter calling me mummy

[sparklymacaroons]

This is my first post so please don't flame me!

Am just looking for opinions.

DSD aged 8 lives with me and DH at the weekends, we also have 2 sons. She lives with her mum and her partner during the week. I have heard her referring to her SD as dad, and more so have seen emails from him to her where he calls himself dad. I feel this is quite disrespectful to my DH - I would never, ever call myself DSD's mummy though I love her very much, as she already has a mummy.

Anyway I had a big chat with her tonight and she said she would like to call me mummy and her DSD daddy.

I just said we would have a proper chat about it and that of course she could call me what she wanted but that she does only have one mummy and that that is very special. Basically a part of me just feels that calling two people mummy and two people daddy is not healthy and ultimately confusing...also, I know this is going to break my DH's heart, hearing her ask if she can call someone else daddy. I feel so upset for DSD as I know she finds the whole situation (even though her parents split when she was a baby and both couples have been together since she was about 2)very confusing and difficult. I don't want to tell her she can't call me mummy but feel that it is not right somehow as she has a mummy, and same for her stepdad.

I also feel annoyed at her SD for calling himself dad without consulting my DH and asking if he minds - he is already quite disrespectful of my DH and regularly disciplines DSD in front of DH, in our home, telling her to LISTEN and BEHAVE HERSELF - we haven't said anything about it to them (yet).

I know DSD comes first and we all have to put our feelings aside, but isn't it better that she calls us some other special name?

There are plenty of words used for mum and dad. We have different words for different sets of grandparents. Perhaps you could go down this line so everyone has their 'set name'?

Darling bonus daughter - DBD. Many prefer it to step.

Londonartemis - good post.

i always called my stepmum by her first name even though i loved her like a parent we had a talk about it when things got serious between herself and my dad , it is very flattering to yourself that this little girl wants to call you mum , you are obviously doing a fantastic job . I think she will understand if you sit with her and tell her you love her very much but mummy is mummys special name and you could come up with your own special name together .

like adrenalines idea of coming up with a name together.

Bonus is much nicer than step, like it the more I hear it.

My DD was 3 when her dad and I split and 4 when my DH and I met. She used to call him by his name but after a year or so of us all living together she asked if she could call him Daddy. She has always,called her biological father dad. We spoke to ex and he was fine with it. My DH does everything for DD that a "real"dad would/should do. She's almost 11 now and still refers to them as Daddy and Dad. Her dad has had a couple of long term gf's in this time but she has never asked to call them anything other than their names. I think this is mainly down to 2 things, 1 being that she is that much older now and very aware of other's feelings, and 2, she only sees these women every other weekend, they do literally nothing for her (ex's mum does all her laundry/drives her around/cooks/cleans etc) so she has no real bond with them.

I think OP should let the little girl call you what she is happy to call you. Had my ex been with someone as long as my DH and I ahve been together then I would be happy for DD to call them mum if it was what she really wanted. As long as the DC are happy and cared for I don't really mind what they call us.