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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove my sons advent calendar over night so he wakes up without a calendar?

69 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2010 20:21

My son is upset about his choice of Advent Calendar....
And I am miffed about that.

I bought him the Lego Knights Kingdom calendar, it was the one he wanted. He had wanted one from the moment it was in the shops.

In addition to this calendar, he has a lovely handmade calendar with pockets. I have filled the pockets with different sweets. Chocolate lollies, lollies, kinder, marzipan, jelly sweets, etc.

He has been moping the whole evening. I ask him what it is, and he tells me he is sad because he made the wrong Calendar choice.

Hmm

Not that he does not like his lego calendar, but he would ALSO want a Haribo jelly sweet calendar he now has seen in the shop....

I am sad. It is soooo spoilt, and greedy, and unappreciative.

Aibu to just remove them both while he is sleeping?

I just listened to him, and told him calmly I found his attitude upsetting and greedy, and unappreciative, and could he please go and get himself ready to bed. Good night.

Should I confiscate his calendars?

OP posts:
charlieandlola · 03/12/2010 20:32

I can understand why you would want to throw them in the bin. I would too
but would it actually be a solution ?
Living with poor choices and not getting everything instantly is something he should be able to cope with at 8.5
I would certainly not go and getthe haribo one as has been suggested. It would just set an awful precedent.

greenbananas · 03/12/2010 20:33

You have to warn him first. Otherwise it's just mean.

It sounds like you have gone to a lot of trouble with the other calendar - but 8 1/2 is still quite young to be thinking about things from mum's point of view.

I think it's okay to tell him that 2 calendars is plenty - and then to let him handle his disappointment with his choice.

Here's a random idea: could he maybe make another calendar and sellotape a haribo sweet behind each day? Might be a compromise?

Ormirian · 03/12/2010 20:35

Oh don't do that Sad. He is just experiencing what we all do. The difficulty of choosing something and being 100% certain we've chosen right. As long as he knows he won't get another one, it's harmless whingeing.

TheChamomileLawn · 03/12/2010 20:40

I understand how you feel, but he's just disappointed and very young, and you've told him he is spoilt and greedy, instead of trying to help him manage his feelings, which is what I would have done because I am perfect Grin

QuickLookBusySanta · 03/12/2010 20:43

I dont think you should remove them.

He is learning a valuable lesson.

Everyone regrets choices and its part of life. There is always something better around the corner but we need to learn to appreciate what we have. So tell him just to enjoy his calendars and stop thinking about the other one.

MammyT · 03/12/2010 20:43

I think you're being very tough on him..

So he wasn't showing sufficient gratitude and articulated his thoughts.. Well, it's not the worst thing in the world. I think you've chastised him enough already.

YABU

Goblinchild · 03/12/2010 20:45

Check OP's post of 20:30:14, she's decided what to do.

PollyPhonny · 03/12/2010 20:53

If my 8.5 year old DS carried on like this, I would be mightily fed up. It smacks to me of 'spoilt child' (does any child really need two advent calendars?) I'd go for the 'like it or lump it' approach: any more moaning, and I eat the chocolates and sweets. Never mind sellotaping Haribo to calendars. Honestly!

Niecie · 03/12/2010 20:53

I don't think he has done anything wrong...yet. At the moment, I would be sympathetic. As others have said he is regretting his choices and we all do that occasionally. I would sympathise, say it is sad when we do that and then tell him that sometimes we can't just change things and have our own way and we have to put up with our choices.

Only if he continues to complain tomorrow would I started to think about any sort of punishment. He needs to be resilient and get over his mistake not wallow and if he can't see that it might then be time to see that the consequence of not chosing the correct advent calendar is not that you whine and get what you want (the Haribo one) but that you have the Lego one taken away. But do warn first.

WomanOfAbjectMystery · 03/12/2010 21:00

God you're mean.

Haven't you ever been upset about having made the wrong choice?

It's a sucky feeling.

Sucky feelings happen.

It's good to practice containing, tolerating and releasing them.

Why not just give him a hug and say, 'It can feel awful when we think we've made the wrong choice. I'm sorry you are feeling awful.'

Then leave it.

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2010 21:45

Thank you guys, sorry for disappearing, my internet played up for a bit, and swallowed my last post.

So, I went down to his room and said to him that I should not really be upset by what he had said, because I asked him what was wrong, and he confessed. I should be more understanding that he was feeling bad for having made the wrong choice, and he could have the Haribo calendar next year. He was happy with that. He said he had not remembered how crap the Lego calendar really was, with teeny weeny silly pieces. So I told him we would buy a bag of Haribos and add to the other calendar, so he was happy.

Thanks for putting me straight. Smile

OP posts:
geordieminx · 03/12/2010 21:51

Awh, I bet it made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Grin
Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2010 21:53

Well, the "you are the best mummy in the world" certainly made me feel all warm and fussy, lol!

OP posts:
DirtyMartini · 03/12/2010 22:11
Xmas Grin
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/12/2010 22:18

Awww that is lovely :) Well done Xmas Grin

Imarriedafrog · 03/12/2010 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarlotti · 03/12/2010 22:24

dementedma I have a spare advent calendar I could send for your DS if you like - it's a postcard size one with the nativity scene on as none of the doors have been opened.
Got sent for my dc's but they have one already.

Happy to post it Grin

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 03/12/2010 22:29

dementedma - I had the same problem, but found some in Oxfam, lovely ones, too.

thisisyesterday · 03/12/2010 22:31

have to admit i wouldn't have said he could have haribo as well.
i'd have just commiserated and pointed out how lovely the other 2 are and how much effort went into them

or else, i'd let him have haribo and eat the rest of the stuff myself :-D

Original poster
QuintessentialShadows · 03/12/2010 22:33

No, I am not letting him have the haribo calendar. He can have that next year. But I will buy a small bag of haribo, for him and his brother. There wont be many each.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 03/12/2010 22:33

My kids when young were sadly the same. Used to really piss off my husband (their stepdad) who complained nothing was ever good enough for them.
I do think they have much more than I did as kids and don't appreciate stuff. It is sad and frustrating.
I've removed stuff from my kids before when they made not good enough noises.

greenbananas · 03/12/2010 22:39

Quintessential, am I allowed to say 'well done!'? I think you have dealt with this brilliantly. You've accepted how your DS felt, you've been big enough to admit that you were overly upset earlier (a great lesson for your DS!!) and you've made a totally reasonable compromise. What a star mummy!

thisisyesterday · 03/12/2010 22:40

no i mean, i wouldn't have got any haribo at all!
while i would have commiserated with him over being upset at choosing the wrong one i still think it's important that they learn to live with their choices. and also to realise that while what he had may not have been his first choice it is still 2 fab calendars and he is very lucky!

Extending · 03/12/2010 22:48

Err, hello?! Those Lego advent calendars are really expensive! Of course there's only a small thing behind each door, what did he expect technical, robotic Lego? I'd be devastated if my child responded in that way - clearly he has not yet really learned the value of money! Next year stick with cheap supermarket tat!

KangarooCaught · 03/12/2010 22:51

This is the 2nd thread that has made me cry tonight [sentimental fool] - well done Quint. And a lesson I could learn too with older dc.

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