to over-think DH going up for interview just before I give birth?

[ReshapeWhileDamp]

I really want to know - AIBU? (Or is DH?) Because I can't really get a sense of proportion on this. I am 36+4 wks pregnant and DH has an important job interview in Scotland on the 15th and 16th Dec. I am due 26th Dec (!) and since the baby is resolutely still breech, there is a good chance we will have to opt for a planned c-section. (Have an ECV appt next tuesday and am really hoping it will work.)

So when this interview takes place, I will be between 38 and 39 weeks. That's the optimum time for a planned section. In fact, we did think that if we had to have one, we might as well make it work for us and try for the 15th, 16th or 17th, which fits in well with DH's end of term and therefore maximises the time he can work from home (he's a lecturer). I mean, if you're going to be all godlike and plan the date of your child's birth (which I am not keen on) you may as well do it so it works for you, right?

Anyway, now we have this interview to contend with. (Which I am already very ambivalent about because we literally just moved house a month ago and I do NOT want to face moving again, so soon, with a toddler and new baby, to the other end of the UK.) I am not at all comfortable with having a section the day after DH is due back from two nights away, for emotional, as well as practical reasons (what if he's delayed or snowed up there?). If we leave it until the start of the next week, we risk buggering up Christmas too (not that this is a major priority and I'd try to be grown-up about it, but DS would definitely be upset if I and the new baby were still in hospital). Would also bugger up Christmas for whichever family members were helping with DS.

The interview means a lot to DH and it was a good ego-boost just to be shortlisted. He is having a miserable time at his current place of work and is trying either to get a better work deal there if he gets a job offer elsewhere, or to accept a job offer elsewhere. Nowhere is hiring at the moment, so it makes this even more of a chance to be grabbed. I'm just terrified I'll go into labour while he's not there (whether or not the baby turns round!), or that we're not going to be able to opt for a c-section when recommended. I know women in labour tend to hang on until everything is fine and safe, but not sure I could hang on that long!

Plus, though I know this is important to DH, I'm finding it very hard not to resent him for throwing this spanner in the works. I mean, he'd support me if I were in that position. So I'm really trying hard to support him, but all I can think is that I want to nest and prepare for our baby, however he comes to us, not fret about DH being stuck in Scotland or have to angst about what to do if he does get the job. (I know, he probably won't. There is quite a long shortlist, apparently.)

Sorry, I've sort of posted about this before, a different aspect. I'm finding it all v hard to get my head around.

"In fact, we did think that if we had to have one, we might as well make it work for us and try for the 15th, 16th or 17th, which fits in well with DH's end of term and therefore maximises the time he can work from home (he's a lecturer). I mean, if you're going to be all godlike and plan the date of your child's birth (which I am not keen on) you may as well do it so it works for you, right?"

Right.

So now those dates are far from optimum, time rethink them and arrange ELCS for another time.

YABU. Sorry, but if he's miserable in his job and has been shortlisted for a very good job in his field that he'd like to do he should go for it.

I had an ELCS in January at 42+2 (don't even ask), but obviously in your case they won't let you go that late because they want to avoid you going into labour (which apparently is not a problem for me )

What about the 20th? You'd be 39 weeks and DH would be well back from the interview at that stage.

You do know that you won't get much choice in the date, don't you? And I doubt very much they'll induce you 10 days early is baby is fine.
My last baby was transverse...dangerously so, with feet presenting. I hadn't gone past 38 weeks before, so was convinced they'd agree to do my ELCS early as I was on total bedrest. My consultant was adamant that as baby was medically fine, she would not do ELCS before 39 weeks. So I think you are really stressing over things you have no control over, in a way.

I agree with Dansmommy. You definitely need to stop stressing over things you have no real control over. I have no experience with an EVP but i imagine you being stressed and tense won't help. I know it's easy for me to say (I was a mental case throughout both pregnancies!) but try and relax and concentrate on that before you worry about all this other stuff.

BTW have you been given prospective dates for the ELCS if you need it? DS2's due date was Christmas Eve and despite both DH and I attempting to negotiate the date of my ELCS the consultants wouldn't budge and he was born bang on 39 weeks (5 days before DS1's 3rd birthday!)

shame about the timing but unless you will say you do not want to move if he gets the job it is a buyers market and he really will have to go. See if you can get the CS scheduled late on in the day so you have a little more time to get things sorted.

It will all work out one way or another and good luck with your new little one.