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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be hurt by midwife...

50 replies

ClarasMummy · 01/12/2010 19:20

At antenatal appointment, I lift up my top for midwife to check DS' heartbeat when she exclaims "well those are some nice stretchmarks"
I just smiled but felt really hurt she'd brought attention to them like that as they are pretty bad and I'm feeling a little sensitive about them. I also feel pretty hormonal at 34 weeks pregnant.
I don't like her really and just thought it was a tactless uneccesary thing to say and upset me a fair bit.

OP posts:

littleshinyone · 01/12/2010 19:22

I agree, totally tactless and unnecessary.

How rediculous, and how unprofessional....

If you'd bought it up as a joke, I can see how this could be banter, but as you say, you don't get on like a house on fire...

thats an awful thing to say to a woman at this time in a pregnancy!!

YANBU

TattyDevine · 01/12/2010 19:23

Cow. I hope you had the air of the deeply wronged

The face followed by an indignant sniff.

anonacfr · 01/12/2010 19:24

What a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WriterofDreams · 01/12/2010 19:25

YA totally NBU

Wow I'm 36 weeks and if the midwife said that to me I'd burst out crying! I am so so sensitive about anything to do with my appearance at the moment, even though I don't normally give a toss. In fact recently DH commented that the wife of a work colleague had a smaller bump than I did, and I bawled my eyes out and shouted at him for saying something so nasty!

misdee · 01/12/2010 19:26

least she didnt say 'those are some nasty stretchmarks'

onceamai · 01/12/2010 19:27

IME the ratio was something like one rude and insensitive midwife to one pleasant and kindly one. Ghastly thing to say - mouth before brain. Suggest a mild letter to the head of the midwifery service along the lines of ... at my antenatal appointment today the midwife, insert name, exclaimed "well those are some nice stretchmarks". Had I not been so shocked at the time I would have asked for some advice about how to deal with the stretchmarks so they become less obvious. I would be grateful if you would be kind enough to contact me to suggest what I might do to minimise the stretchmark because naturally I find their presence very upsetting.
I look forward to hearing from you.

I think that will hit the spot, you have not moaned the cow midwife will get some guidance about how to behave.

theevildead2 · 01/12/2010 19:28

I'd have said something! Mine is a tit as well.. I don't go as often as I should because I can't stand her :(

You shoudln't say horrible things to anyone but sure as hell not to self consious hormonal pregnant woman.

HelenLG · 01/12/2010 19:30

That's horrible, the worst I got when I was preg was 'What a lovely pair of kankles you've got there'

TotorosOcarnina · 01/12/2010 19:30

YANBU!!

I'm on my 4th pregnancy and my atretch marks are awful.

Seriously they are everywhere, red, purple and some are 3 inches long!

They are on my belly, boobs, legs, arms everywhere.

I must have tactful midwives as they have never been mentiooned, thank f*ck - I would cry!

classydiva · 01/12/2010 19:32

Sounds like an insensitve witch. Might I suggest you use Bio Oil, it works really, start using it now and continue after and before you know it they be barely visible.

frgr · 01/12/2010 19:33

She sounds a bit unprofessional, i would have felt upset too

Unless she really actually meant it? "nice stretchmarks" as in "wow you have so few of them" - long shot I know. Annnyway I wouldn't have thought it tactful to point them out either way, if they are bad or good, just in case this situation pops up and it's misinterpreted!

Ignore her! :)

frgr · 01/12/2010 19:34

p.s. agree with classydiva - bio oil is your friend! DH bought some for me when i was feeling glum about a burn scar on my arm, it faded it quite a bit over a few months :) try a tiny bottle (it will last for ages) if you're really paranoid!

pink4ever · 01/12/2010 19:38

I have been very lucky as have had mostly lovely midwives.However with my last pregnancy was v pissed off when the midwife doing my 12 week book in asked me "why have you had so many pregnancies?(have 3 dcs but also lost 7 babies)-like I was a complete chav or something! I just laughed it off but was actually really upset by it.
My sis had a right go a young doc once(was in emergency situation when I was losing one of my babies) cos he wanted my full medical history(which would take forever).She told him to bugger off and get someone more senior . After that they took the sensible precaution of having a summary of my history attached to front of my notes(all 4 volumes .
She was a cow but dont fret about it.Your stretchmarks will fade,I promise!

OTTMummA · 01/12/2010 19:46

YADNBU, complain.
When i went to see the consultant to book my section, i first had an appointment with the midwife, i talked about the section etc, and asked a few questions.
She then remarked " we don't usually like doing sections on larger ladies, because of this ( she grabs my lower belly with both hands! and giggles it! ) getting in the way."
I actually kicked her away from me and started howling, i was 34 wks and so hormonal my reaction was to cry,,, any other time i would of probably nutted her.

Dreya · 01/12/2010 19:54

How very insensitive of her. I have had some witchy midwifes too. In fact only one out of the three I have seen has been lovely. The last one asked me how I was and when I replied that I was feeling really well she said 'You don't look it.' wtf? It was one of my better days too. I also agree that bio oil is fab. A little goes a long way. They'll fade in time too. :)

onceamai · 01/12/2010 19:54

Pink 4 ever - I had one (3rd pg) and at that point 1 dc, who said "do you want it?" and in my drawing room the audacity then to say "is the father the same as for your ds?" The saddest thing was - I miscarried that baby at 16 weeks. I still recall her as an ill bred, ignorant BITCH. If I dared I would write her name in the hope that she is reading this thread.

Now that I am measured and it was 13 years ago, I can suggest a softly softly approach as above.

cazzybabs · 01/12/2010 19:57

Hey why not give her the benifit of the doubt = maybe she had seen someone with horrendous ones before you

Hawkmoth · 01/12/2010 19:57

MW: When did you have your appendix out?
Me: It's a stretchmark :(

cazzybabs · 01/12/2010 19:57

(BTW my midwife told me my scan photo of my baby looked a bit freaky)

Ray81 · 01/12/2010 19:58

YADNBU what a cow.

When i had DD1 i had some realy bad ones and i used something called Perfect slim on them, they are still there of course but the redness went down within a week or 2 so they were just silver.
realy would recommend it it is great, not specificaly for stretch marks but brilliant anyways.

Rowan49 · 01/12/2010 19:58

I don't normally post on here, just read, but that's terrible, I'd have been so upset! xxx

onceamai · 01/12/2010 20:00

Why should she be given the benefit of the doubt - she's supposed to be a trained professional and in a caring profession. Surely a midwife should understand how sensitive a pg woman is. Perhaps if they had to present their bill in order to receive their pay directly from the customer they would learn some manners.

whiteliesaregoodlies · 01/12/2010 20:02

I would just have said "yes they are nice, I'm VERY proud of them." Mine were pretty horrific - but at the end of the day they're battle scars from four pregnancies. My youngest is now 2 and tbh they've really faded.

MumNWLondon · 01/12/2010 20:03

Well an obsetrician told my sister right after she gave birth that her stretchmarks where the worst he'd ever seen.

Original poster

ClarasMummy · 01/12/2010 20:05

Thanks for all your replies, I'm glad to see I'm not being irrational and hormonal. I really want to change midwives but feel a bit silly causing a huge fuss when there isn't that long to go.
I've got zero self-esteem at the moment so probably have taken it harder than I normally would have.
I'm going to bed to have a good cry/self pity session.

OP posts:

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