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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by midwife...

50 replies

ClarasMummy · 01/12/2010 19:20

At antenatal appointment, I lift up my top for midwife to check DS' heartbeat when she exclaims "well those are some nice stretchmarks" Confused
I just smiled but felt really hurt she'd brought attention to them like that as they are pretty bad and I'm feeling a little sensitive about them. I also feel pretty hormonal at 34 weeks pregnant.
I don't like her really and just thought it was a tactless uneccesary thing to say and upset me a fair bit.

OP posts:
Feelingsensitive · 01/12/2010 20:07

SeNding you a very un-MN hug [SMILE]

Mowiol · 01/12/2010 20:08

That's just utter, utter ignorance and plain bad manners!!
YANBU - agree about Bio-Oil by the way.
And they will fade Smile
Can't believe some of the things some of you have experienced! Sad
I had (luckily) very nice midwives.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2010 20:10

You would have thought that being a MW they'd know not to comment on anything cosmetic to do with the very hormonal woman.

I found the same as onceamai with about half saying something that would make me not want to go back again.

I just tried to shut myself off from it and because I didn't really get the same one twice, I didn't see them again.

Stretch marks are great, they're a permanent reminder of the fantastic things your body is capable of...as if you're ever going to forget - cue 25+ years of worrying about what they're up to Hmm Grin

ClenchedBottom · 01/12/2010 20:11

Ooooh I had awful stretch marks - by the time I was expecting DS my stretch marks had stretch marks..... anyway, I felt a very self-conscious about them. At about my 38 week appointment, it was an unfamiliar MW (the usual one was off delivering a baby or some such nonsense) and I felt horrible as I pulled my top up. I tried to make light of them by joking, "There you go, possibly the worst stretch marks you've ever seen...?" and without a pause she replied, "They're not stretch marks my lovely they're a badge of honour that you're wearing!"
I thought that was quite nice, cheered me up a bit, and used the same "possibly the worst....." etc line with the next (also unfamiliar) MW I saw a couple of weeks later (DS was v late) = backfired horribly that time, though, as she peered at them and said, "Ooooh yes, I see exactly what you mean there!" Had I not been the size of a flotilla of warships, I wouldh ave wilted.....

MadamDeathstare · 01/12/2010 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyDevine · 01/12/2010 20:22

Hawkmouth, you win.

Oh, and if an obstetrician says someone's strechmarks are the "worst he's ever seen", that means her belly would have been the "flattest and tightest he's ever seen" if he'd met her 9 months earlier Grin

Chica31 · 01/12/2010 20:24

This has made me feel so much better! Thank you.

I have just got back from my midwife appointment, I am 31 weeks. My midwife has just said the same to me. I didn't even realise they are that bad. She then went on and on about the 3 kilos I have put on this month. But I have only put on 4 kilos in total!

I cried on the way home.

Mean, mean woman!

whatagradeA · 01/12/2010 21:19

MadameDeathStare I love that line Grin

otchayaniye · 01/12/2010 21:32

I saw my ob/gyn every week more or less throughout my pregnancy and every time he saw my weight creep up he'd tut and warn me I was getting too fat (started off 9 stone, went up to just under 13)

And when I went in for my section at 35 weeks the nurse prepping me told me they might have to up my epidural/spinal dose as "I was on the big side"

Took two years to get back to 9 stone so I guess they had a point!

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 01/12/2010 23:07

my MW congratulated me on the impressive piles i ended up with , thanks to delivering a 10 lb baby.

"OOO they are rather big arent they, just like a bunch of grapes"

ChippingIn · 01/12/2010 23:15

Bloody hell - these people need shooting!!

Complain complain complain.... let them make vacancies for the currently unemployed midwives!!

MerrilyDefective · 01/12/2010 23:21

Nasty old bag.

When i was in labour with DD,(23 fucking hours)DP put on a CD.
Quietly i might add.
Midwife stated that it was the 'awful music that was keeping DD in'!

In throes of labour i had to stop DP telling her to fuck off out if she didn't like it.

JoBettany · 02/12/2010 00:36

I had horrendous stretch marks when pregnant with DS. And yes, according to the MW, the worst she'd ever seen. I have to say I did agree with her but could have done with a bit of sugar coating at the time!

GothAnneGeddes · 02/12/2010 00:54

YANBU, not nice of her to point it out.

But, tbh - beauty is just what society deems as attractive and I wish stretch marks were viewed as beautiful and a badge of honour.

Wouldn't that be a much nicer world to live in? .

aurynne · 02/12/2010 03:02

For goodness sake, why do all these horrible, sad, pathetic women train for midwifery??? I agree with one poster who suggested for them to resign and leave way for caring, considerate ones who take pride in one of the most important jobs in the World: making sure new human beings arrive safely to this world, as well as the people who will be their main carers. I don't even have children myself, but I can think of very few more rewarding jobs than being a midwife. It must be such a joy most of the time to deliver healthy babies and see the joy in the parents' faces! I truly believed that a bit of tact and humanity during the process was a given.

For those of you with stretch marks, please don't feel down. They are not horrible. They are something to be proud of. Think of them as marks that signal the arrival of your baby :)

altinkum · 02/12/2010 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moogster1a · 02/12/2010 08:07

I had the opposite. Whilst having a good rummage down there my MW told me I had a lovely cervix. Not a compliment I'd ever received before but | take a secret pride in knowing I have such a lovely piece of anatomy.

CerealOffender · 02/12/2010 08:18

it wasn't the most tactful comment i suppose but i think you are being a tad sensitive.

as for all the freaks who say you should complain....

mamasmissionimpossible · 02/12/2010 08:21

Very insensitive comment. Even though they are a common part of pregnancy, there is no need to comment on them.

Somedaysoon · 02/12/2010 08:39

When I was pregnant with ds2 I was having a gentetic scan too check wether the baby had a condition both me and ds1 have the sonographer said too me you have either lost about 15 stone or this isnt your first baby your stretch marks are huge nice eh Hmm

Thewhingingdefective · 24/01/2013 14:11

Wow, lots of people overreacting here.

OP, YANBU to be a little hurt by the comment - somethings do come across the wrong way and this is clearly one of those things. You are being a little over sensitive however. Do you really think the midwife meant to upset you? It sounds to me like she was admiring your stretch-marks like they're a badge of honour.

I am sure she would be unhappy with herself if she thought she had hurt your feelings.

Thewhingingdefective · 24/01/2013 14:14

Judging the poor woman as a 'vile' and 'nasty' midwife, on the back of one line taken totally out of context too... Ridiculous.

BabsAndTheRu · 24/01/2013 14:42

Totally agree, bio-oil morning and night. Three pregnancies and no stretch marks due to the oil. What a cow saying that. When I had DS1 I commented on how much he looked like his dad to one of the midwives on the ward, she answered by saying you must be relieved about that, as if I didn't know who the dad was, DP was sat next to me, together for about 8 yrs then and all over my notes that we had fertility medication. WTF. think she thought she was being funny.

phantomnamechanger · 24/01/2013 14:50

this thread is 2 years old folks!!!!!

I just read a post and thought " I could have written that!" and there was my previous name staring back at me

how/why do these ancient threads resurface !!

BabsAndTheRu · 24/01/2013 14:53

Just noticed that as well, how does that happen, hopefully op is feeling less upset now and stretch marks have faded. Lol

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