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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that DH has just decided he can't even be arsed to try to come home in the snow tonight

112 replies

margaretluna · 30/11/2010 21:55

DH works in central London. We live out about an hour's commute from Victoria. Getting from train station to our house is absolutely fine as only an inch of snow here and we are on a main road only 5 mins from station. So no problems really at this end.

DH was meant to be going to a champagne tasting after work tonight - some kind of Christmas do with other companies that do work for him. Sort of a show your face thing rather than compulsory, but nice to do of course.

I texted snow updates a few times today so he knew what was happening here. He phoned at 6pm to say the trains out of Victoria are currently cancelled so there is no point bothering yet and he might as well go to the champagne tasting thing. Then if there are still no trains then he will give one of our friends a call and see if he can stay there. Makes sense I guess, rather than hang around Victoria for a few hours.

I have since texted twice - no answer - and called - phone switched off/no reception. So I don't know if he is coming home but am suspecting he has just decided to get drunk on champagne and hotfoot it to a friend's rather than attempt a cold journey home and then will call me when asking him to come home is moot.

Ordinarily I'd be fine with this - he works hard, he is really not an unreasonable bloke, champagne is nice, what is the point of battling through snow if there is another option but
a) I have a 9 week old baby and a toddler
b) baby has had first set of jabs today so not herself
c) toddler is going through a really bad patch behaviour wise
d) toddler is going through a really bad patch behaviour wise partly due to the baby but mainly because he is missing his dad who has had two business trips in the last two weeks so hasn't been around much and instead he has only had screaming harpy of a mother to look after him and then full on attention of grandparents when it was too much for me, so he is all over the place at the moment
e) screaming harpy of a mother had her first postnatal meltdown yesterday because i'm exhausted, we have the builders in so the house is a noisy tip, our boiler keeps breaking and nobody will come out to fix it in a hurry so i am worried about it being too cold for children, DH has been away so I have been shouldering the burden of childcare and toddler is being very very difficult so I am shattered and emotionally drained.

I don't know whether I should be furious that he made no effort to come home to see/help me and just hold my hand as I am feeling a bit down at the moment. He could have left work early to come home - he is senior enough that he could do that - but instead he stayed at work until ythe train situation became impossible and he now seems to have resigned himself to just being in London, and hell he might as well therefore go for champagne.

Or has he actually made a sensible call, it is just one of those things, bad luck that the snow has come immeditaley on the back of his business trips yadder yadder and I should just be grateful I am in a reasonably warm house and not having to either try and get a very delayed train home or sleep on a friend's sofa which he will be doing.

I genuinely don't know if IABU so don't know whether to let rip when he eventually calls or whether to sympathise with his plight.

Any thoughts?

(Regular but name changed as DH knows my posting name and I'd be mortified if he found this when it could just me being completely unreasonable)

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 15:30

I haven't either GW, I was suggesting that as a way for you to see that you are defending someone who doesn't merit it

I don't need to do an advanced search to see a pattern behind CD's posts, nor am I the only one

I have challenged her/him on every one incidentally (so not just tattling here) but she/he never replies. Only posts (something nasty) and runs.

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 20:10

Very true, DM

spidookly · 01/12/2010 20:27

"My last message got deleted because I called classydiva a bitch, so I won't say that again. "

:o

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 20:28

lovin' it Grin

DM...you may get deleted again if CD objects the soft arse

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:32
Xmas Grin

Oh, I know. It annoys me that if you call someone a name it gets deleted,(what are we, 5?) but tear someone's life choices to shreds and it's fair game!

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 20:35

Are we talking about Classy..she's a bit of a cock...not even a full length one Grin

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 20:36

I've never had a post deleted before.. Grin

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:43

Xmas Grin do you want me to report you, mumcentreplus?

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:44

Oh my God that takes the piss!!!!!! Another one deleted!!!! I quite pointedly did not call her a bitch!!!!!

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:47

Welshbyrd called her an idiot, mumcentreplus called her a cock, chippingin called her a troublemaker...is bitch a banned word?

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 20:49

Grin do you want to report me Dansmommy?

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 20:50

hahaha...she just dislikes the word perhaps?..too close to the bone Grin

HerBeatitude · 01/12/2010 20:52

That's the only reason I didn't call Classydiva a cunt last night.

Because I knew the rest of the post, which was broadly supportive, would be deleted.

spidookly · 01/12/2010 20:54

Dansmom - it's OK - I preserved your bitch in my quote!

FOR NOW...

maryz · 01/12/2010 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:55

Yes, I did think that herbeatitude...I knew it was a waste of time typing it out. When did MN get so petty? We're adults, surely? I really don't get how my post was worse than hers.

Really, really sorry for hijack OP.

margaretluna · 01/12/2010 22:13

no no please go ahead. i am rather pleased my thread has descended into name calling and i hope the attempts to get deleted escalate further :o

OP posts:
gingerwig · 01/12/2010 23:54

AF, I'm not defending CD at all,( I made it clear i don't share her view on this thread) I am defending everyone's right to express an opinion (including CD ) without being hounded by a mob

chippy47 · 02/12/2010 00:19

erm -2 day business trip and 2 days sightseeing when he has a a newborn and a toddler at home. Fine in other circumstances, I do a lot of travel to out of the way places and pre-kids took the opportunity to have a look around after the work had fnished but since the kids I can't wait to get home and, crucially, neither can my DP ,both for different reasons.

HerBeatitude · 02/12/2010 08:39

But she didn't just express an opinion GW, her second post was a vile personal attack on the OP.

WikiFreak · 02/12/2010 08:57

i think you sounded a bit wimpy.

Goblinchild · 02/12/2010 09:07

But some people are a bit wimpy, it depends on your personality and what you regard as unbearable. My mother was an army wife and brought up her children to be self-reliant.
No good not being able to cope if your man is on an 18 month unaccompanied 6,000 miles away.
My SIL is part of a different
sort of partnership and would feel exactly the same as the OP in the same circumstances.
I think posting in AIBU is a minefield, but if you choose to do so, then people should be able to say you are being a feeble girlie without being yelled at.

HerBeatitude · 02/12/2010 09:11

FFS if you can't be wimpy when you've got a 9 week old baby and a toddler, when the fuck can you be? I don't think the OP sounded wimpy at all, I think she sounded like she was going through one of those OMFG it's all too much days. If you've never had one of those, then you've either never been in sole charge of children for an extended period, or you have got through it with the help of some really fucking good drugs and please tell us all what they are because they sound great.

Merlotmonster · 02/12/2010 09:17

Can understand your frustration, but I spent a hellish 5 1/2 hours trying to get home from London Bridge on Tue...absolutely freezing..no information..people in tears...fighting almost breaking out to get on a train... awful... and there wasnt even any snow lying there!!

Its difficult both ways, but Im not sure what else can be done with the trains so bad...