AIBU to ask you all to help me plan my defence so DH doesnt murder me when he gets home

[Ray81]

So inspired by a thread on Chat re deep cleaning your house i started it this morning. I did the kitchen, wiped all walls down, kick boards, table and chair legs, oven etc etc. then started on the front room, stairs and porch.

Well when i did the porch the carpet is so Dirty in there and was realy annoying me, i knew we had some carpet left over from doing the bedroom in the loft so went and got it out. Was enough to fit in the porch . Ripped carpet up [very satisfying] but lo and behold i am NOT a carpet fitter and therefore cannot fit the new carpet, beleive me i have tried.

So i am left with a floor without carpet and i dont think DH will be very impressed. I think i am going to pleased insanity . I have just added one more jon to the thousand he has to do bless him.

anyone know of any other defense thats better then the insanity one if so pass them this way please.

Sherby have cut carpet to size, have spray glue down cant lay it has the door to the cupboard with the washing machine in will not open when the bloody thing is down. Carpet is too thick. I draw the line at taking doors off and trying to make it smaller.

DH knows what am like hopefully wont be too cross and i can calm him down somehow

I have done shit like this before.

Taken a sink out.

Ripped all the plaster off one wall.

painted the hallway bright red, decided I hated it, so painted it white when the red paint was still wet so created a fun blood and bandages look on the wall

Painted a brick fireplace with some brick sealant in an unventilated room, passed out with head in fireplace, all groggy for a couple of hours.

Blackleaded another fireplace grate and made a godawful mess, DP came home to me covered in black shit, crying my eyes out because the job was so awful I wish I had never started it.

He tends not to leave me alone much, I find projects.

But DP is a builder, so he fixes all the mess I make.

It's all right. I correct all the mess he makes whenever he cooks his vile food.

Horses for courses.

Ray don't attempt to take the doors off.

Go and sit down and make a cup of tea.

GOML - Step away from the DIY tools. You is dangerous

That will teach you for being "inspired to do a deep clean of your house"! That kind of thinking IS insanity, so yes, that should form the basis of your defence methinks.

I'd be careful of following wb's suggestion (sorry wb)! We brought new door handles once and dh insisted we needed to sand and re-paint all the doors before putting on the new handles. After a couple of weeks of waiting I decided to spur dh on a bit and went round the house taking all the door handles off thinking if I was pathetic enough he would jump in and help BUT he called my bluff and left me to it - that was about a year ago and we STILL don't have any door handles in our house!

Ok, what I recommend is when DH gets back, tell him that you've fitted the new carpet and since you've gone to all that trouble, the least he can do is just shave a couple of mm off the door and rehang it.

If he's got the right tools, it shouldn't be a big deal.

Otherwise the nudity approach always works well!

GOML!!

You really are terrible.

It is all reverse in our house. I laid the carpet (although my dad did came round to tell me how to do it) while DP looked after DD.

Sounds like you will have to shave a bit off the door. Is it a modern cupboard? If so it wouldn't be tricky, but old ones sometimes have funny hinges.

Tell him the 8 year old threw up all over it and pray the 8 year old stays quite (or bribe her ).

quiet even

D0G - you and I would be very good friends, that sounds like the kind of thing I would do.

Cutting in? Pah.

I once painted dd's bedroom. I thought cutting in was a nonsense, so though I would spend hours tacking up masking tape round the ceiling, so I wouldn't have to be too careful about cutting in. Fine. But when I ripped the masking tape off I ripped off haf the paint from the ceiling.

I just howled in rage and said 'oh go FUCK yourself' to the ceiling.

I don't go anywhere near painting now. Got that all out my system.

nude then, roll yourself in the carpet and say you've made yourself into a DIY door draft excluder, ask him to roll you into place after he has closed the door - or plead insanity

My parents have a vestibule not a porch but same idea and it has carpet. Actually our old house had a porch with carpet too, but we had one of those clear mat things for wet/snow days for shoes/boots.

Just be at that part of the job when he gets home where you realised that the carpet was too thick, so you made a cup tea to have a think and he's now home.

"Upon considering, wouldn't it be better to have something much easier to clean in the porch. Lino or tiles would be my first choice too, but we could live with bare concrete for a week or two till we can get some, right dear?!?!"

£5 says he doesn't notice tonight when he comes home :)

he will when he tries to open a door!

I'm with Funky. Why on earth do you have carpet on your porch? That was your first mistake

Absofcroissant- the carpet was in down when we move in so i dont have to take responsbilty for that .

Think thats going to be my plan " We dont need carpet down it just gets dirty, we can get some tiles to go down and this will be much easier for me to clean"

TBH he is more likely to ROFL at the thought of me trying to fit the new carpet so will have to get that in there before he says anything.

You ripped your own fitted carpet up? PMSL, then tried to fit another...HAhahaahahaha...

Don't suppose you happened to come across that IPod thingy? was it hiding under the carpet?

Oh bless you Ray, you have given me a laugh this afternoon!