To be irritated by Mil dressing DD2 in DD1's clothes

[Fluffymonster]

I know it's another Mil moan, sorry - but for heavens sake, DD2 is 20months, and DD1 is 3.5.

I was away yesterday and DP went to pick them up from his parents, who had been looking after them. The kids usually have tea there before coming home, and MIL gets them changed into their pyjamas for the car journey home, as they fall asleep there, and then by the time they get in, it's straight to bed.

So coming home today I find DD1's age 3-4 pj's strewn in DD2's cot. DP said that was indeed what she came home in. DD1 has also, at other times, been dressed in her pj's to go out, and put in daywear for sleeping in. Basically I'm thinking of putting labels on everything, but is that petty?

What you said about the inhalers is a bit more scary than mixing up their clothes. At 4yo, DD probably knows which one she's supposed to have morning and night? Not that she'd realise the importance of it, but maybe you can make it a rhyming routine for her or something?

Since I (55yo!) wear interchangeable PJs and slouch clothes most days, I can't bring myself to care much about the clothing business. I wondered if, perhaps, you're concerned about MIL? Whether she's showing early signs of Alzheimer's or something?

If not - and this is all about her not coming up to scratch as a childminder/nanny - then I think you need to get your priorities in order. Or pay for professional childcare.

fluffy=monster?..

Don't dripfeed. The inhalers matter the clothes still don't.

If she can't be trusted to get their medication right then you have no business leaving them there.

My dear MIL loves to help, feel bonded with the DC. She'll stay at my house and when trying to help will dress the kids not by looking in the chest of drawers or the clothes rail with all the current clothes hanging on but will root through the big cupboard pulling out stuff from the 'growing into', ''grown outoff' 'just plain disgusting' piles.

Thats fine, she's happy, helping and bonding and the kids don't care but she then takes loads of photos which then get flashed round the family and toxic SIL showing off her trip and pasted into her family year book.

I fear in years to come it will not look like my girls where dressed by granny and had a nice relaxed mother but that they wore crazy, ill fitting clothes in unflattering colours.

History is written by the photographers.

So they spent the day at MIL where she looked after them and gave them their tea but had the nerve to put them in the wrong clothes. I'd dock her pay and give her a verbal warning.

Perhaps your MIL can't read the clothes labels at first glance? My MIL wouldn't be able to without her glasses, which, when she looked after our 3 DCs when younger, she could never find...but we didn't really mind what they were dressed in, we were just grateful for her help.
My MIL did the same thing clothes-wise, but then so did we with our DTs (we have a lovely photo of our newborn DS in a pink babygro, courtesy of a sleep-deprived DH). However we didn't really care!

I would worry about the inhalers being mixed up though...did you write it all down?

So you get unpaid childcare, including evening meal & pj putting on, and you are complaining . I pay 5 digits a year on nursery fees and have had DS sent home in wrong shoes/clothes several times, no big deal, these things happen. I think you have it easy tbh, stop complaining!

My MIL dresses DD is some odd things at times, lets her play on beaches in her pants etc, I roll my eyes, mumble to DH and say nothing to MIL.

Morloth

Dripfeed? Evolving is more how I see it. Or does everyone on here have to take up a particular stance and stick to it, no matter what?

Having made the initial post and then got everyone's feedback I got the point back on page one.

This made me wonder why I'm so 'OTT' about it, and having given it a bit of thought I realise it's because it makes me wonder about the meds. Not that I know she mixes up the meds! It's just the clothes thing makes me wonder IF she does - although I do accept that they're completely different things, and just because you do one, doesn't mean you do the other.

If people would prefer to have a go at a panto baddie than carry on.

Btw I'm not a monster, sausagerolemodel, any more than you're a role model.

If people look after your DCs you leave them to get on with it. My mother thought pyjamas were day clothes-it isn't important. My DH used to dress them in the most weird combinations-I just kept quiet if he was doing it.

Change your childcare, Fluffymonster. Your current arrangement clearly isn't working for you.

YABU - gee what on earth does it matter?????

Just to clarify - not that it really matters, but I am NOT using Mil as unpaid childcare, which some (most?) people seem to have assumed.

The inlaws live a 2hr drive away, and the children stay over once every couple of months, for a couple of nights.

On the day they're due to come home, they get picked up after tea to maximise their visit, and as it's a long drive, they often sleep in the car, on the journey back. It's late/past bedtime by the time they get in, so they're put in pj's for the journey. MIL is not their unofficial childminder who I'm slagging off, while 'using'.

The visits are primarily so they can spend time with their grandchildren - and vice versa. I never knew my grandparents, and would like my children to have a good relationship with theirs. Of course, it also gives myself and partner a break too, since we have no other family who can babysit. I AM grateful for the odd night off every couple of months.

allnew I pay 5 digit nursery fees too, and also have had the kids sent home in wrong clothes a few times.

I actually don't find that so irritating, because there are a lot more children in a nursery environment, and they have accidents, or things get wet etc.

The difference as I see it, is in our situation, there were only 2 children's sets of clothes to choose from, and it wasn't because of an 'accident' or anything, it was like it didn't seem to matter.

It's not a question of vanity - someone mentioned dgs dressed in Dora The Explora pj's, and someone else about their newborn boy in a pink babygrow. That wouldn't bother me at all, as it's obviously related to particular circumstances at the time. If it happened all the time then yes, I would wonder if it's just a case of 'can't be arsed', but the odd occasion? No.

Like I said - age 3-4 trousers on a 20mth old baby is really obviously long, and massive long trailing legs is a tripping hazard. Plus not really something you can miss. I don't get it, that's all I'm saying. Maybe her eyesight is really bad.

Anyway, I'm bored of harping on about it myself now.

So thank you to all those who have actually refrained from jumping down my throat and particulary Coralanne (who being a grandmother yourself, probably had more reason to have a go.)

Also WhyHavePets - that's a great idea - thanks for your constructive suggestion.

I don't know if i have the right forum here so forgive me if not! But i have had a massive fall out with me MIL. She is and always has been obessed with her son and even once said it was like a love affair. Now, she can call her son until she is blue in the face but when it starts to effect the family thats when i come in. Since we had our daughter nearly a year ago shes always making niggly comments abotu how we should be doing this and that and always telling my partner to rest and of course he listens and gets out of helping me around the house wich stresses me out because im talking about washing up and clearing up after himself!! I asked her if she thought we were good parents and she said no i think you're too young (we are both 26 and she had kids at 18) but i have pcos so i ws just glad to fall on!! She said she think sher son is overweight so i said well he gets a healthy meal made every night but i dont know what he eats at work. she then went onto saying i was controlling him!! i thought to myself well maybe he should cook for himself then but she wouldnt like that when he needs to rest! she also said he will always be my son and you can never take that away. I think she has mental problems because i havent done anything to provoke this all i have done is tried to make a home for my family and i think she is trying to wreck it! oh she also told me to never leave any dirty pots out again when she comes over. - i was at work and the boiler had broken down so i didnt have time to do the rest. i was boiling the kettle but had other things to do like bedtime routine, still had washing to do etc. anybody else having same problem? i havent spoken to anyone about it but for once my partner is on my side because she heard it all. thanks

Oh dear, Rachel, what a classic MIL problem! Every sympathy!

But start a new thread, in Relationships perhaps, (as otherwise you're hijacking Fluffymonster's thread) and lots of posters will pile in with support and suggestions.