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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

she took 'my' name

47 replies

Emma876 · 29/11/2010 17:57

My good friend had a baby recently and chose the same name as i would want for my baby. We didn't even discuss it, so she didn't 'steal' it. I wouldn't use this name now because other people would think i'd copied her and she wouldn't be too keen either....i just love the name...

I know i'm being unreasonable but i just don't seem to be able to get over it....some nice advice on how to get over it would be helpful...or more likely i'm being a brat and need a good kick in the pants!

OP posts:

YunoYurbubson · 29/11/2010 18:00

When is your baby due? You might find they don't look like that name anyway.

I was a bit miffed when a friend of mine took 'my' name (which I had never even discussed with her, and I wasn't even pregnant ) but by the time my little boy was born I had gone off that name anyway.

sethstarkaddersmum · 29/11/2010 18:00

tell us the name, we will laugh and say 'What a silly name, your dd had a lucky escape' and you will start to feel quite glad she stole it.

Plumm · 29/11/2010 18:01

Are you even pregnant?

Gissabreak · 29/11/2010 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoopyLoops · 29/11/2010 18:02

Plenty of babies have the same name, you know.

Chil1234 · 29/11/2010 18:02

My parents had exactly the same thing happen. My cousin was born six months before me and nicked my intended moniker. However, in restrospect, it was a lucky escape. I never would have suited the rather dull 'Janet' (sorry to any Janets) and am much happier with their second choice.

BikeRunSki · 29/11/2010 18:05

Use it anyway.

Itsjustafleshwound · 29/11/2010 18:06

Sometimes the best laid plans and names never come to fruition ...

My mum was told I was a boy - I would have gone through life with the name Maximillian - small mercies ...

Could the name not be a second name?

KurriKurri · 29/11/2010 18:07

OK - firstly your baby may not be the same sex.
Secondly no one owns a name, if you love that name, use it. You are picking a name for your child for life, so have something you love - it's irrelevant whether someone has used that name before (and every name has been used by someone). A good friend would have no problem with it.

I don't get this whole name angst - surely if someone calls their child the same name as you it's a compliment - they think your child has a lovely name.

Longtalljosie · 29/11/2010 18:08

Just use it anyway. Honestly. Assuming you can get it past your DH/P. You may find he doesn't like it anyway. I had a couple of names I always thought I'd go for. One wrinkled husband's nose later, I had to think again...

violethill · 29/11/2010 18:09

Use it if you still like it when your baby is born. But the chances are you may have changed your mind several times by then.
Our first dc is a girl, and we never used the boys name we had lined up, because when our ds was born, we had a totally new favourite

Jumpty · 29/11/2010 18:10

Something similar happened to us with DS1's name. Then my DH persuaded me to call DS1 after his recently deceased GF cos he thought his GM would be really touched. She was very nonplussed about it which made me a touch bitter about it. Anyhoo by the time DS was a toddler I couldn't imagine him having any other name, love his name and think the old favourite is now a bit chavvy.

OTOH a friend of mine called her DD the same name as mine and it doesn't bother me. When the kids get to school they will probably meet other people with the same name anyway. Unless it's a totally made up name she would BU if she objected to you using the name too.

RJRabbit · 29/11/2010 18:10

I totally understand. My DH's ex girlfriend got married to her new man on the same day as us, and then had a little girl and called her exactly the name I had always loved!

Moving along 10 years, she "friended" me and his siblings on Facebook and sent us all the same email asking if DH had a Facebook account.

Hmmm, didn't seem that bad 'til I saw it all written down. Glad she lives overseas and we don't have a bunny.

BikeRunSki · 29/11/2010 18:11

A very good friend of mine has just had her 2nd baby. She used the name I always fancied if I ever had a DD but - we've never discussed it and I am not pg. When she told me I said "lovely name, it was DS's girl's name". Then we congratulated each other on ours good taste. If I ever have a DD, I am sure I will find another name, there are many names out there!

ItalianLady · 29/11/2010 18:14

If you still like the name, use it. If your friend is miffed, tough.

TooBlessed2spendxmasalone · 29/11/2010 18:16

my friend's sister has a beautiful girl,when i heard her name and met her i just couldn't stop thinking that when i had my own child i would name them that,,

6years later i had my own little girl,that name was not even in our names choice,but when she was born all the names didn't suit her,Dh finally said the magic words,'what about that name*,we looked at her and said the name out loud,it suited her like a glove and so we gace her the name i had ached for 6yrs back,,but i had to write my friend's sister a note telling her i liked the name too much,she was very pleased,maybe because we are continents apart:o

if you really want it when your DC is born then use it

ShanahansRevenge · 29/11/2010 18:17

A friend of a friend told me quite openly that she had "stolen" my DDs name for her newborn! Her baby was three months younger..and she said "I did take the name and I love it, I could not choose another once I heard yours...so sorry about that!"

I was a bit at first but then I was flattered and admired her honesty.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 29/11/2010 18:21

OP - you need to get over it!

You can go for that as a middle name, or go for a variant/abbreviation, or just something different altogether, and when there are 5 kids with "friends childs name" in your babys class at school you will be glad you picked something else!

I am not being mean but really, as long as you both have healthy babies, whats the problem here?

Try having someone in the extended family who calls their child the same as your DD who was stillborn, just a few months after your loss yes, really!!

ChippingIn · 29/11/2010 18:51

Perpetually - I assume from your that they knew you had this name for your baby? If so, that is completely unforgiveable - if not, what a sad co-incidence :(

I think if it's a name you have always wanted you should just use it, if you still like it at the time. However, people like Shanahans friend's friend just make me

LoopyLoops · 29/11/2010 18:53

PerpetuallyAnnoyed - no! That is terrible and my worst nightmare. (the naming btw, sadly the stillbirth already happened) :(

woolymindy · 29/11/2010 18:53

Oh that is nothing, my DH's ex. named her child the same as ours (and it is a very unusual name) after we had our son - she copied it the thieving bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

MardyBra · 29/11/2010 18:56

She didn't do it on purpose, as you said, so you could risk jeopardising your friendship if you show her any resentment. Some useful ideas above - you could use the same name, or a close variation or use it for the second name...

LaWeaselMys · 29/11/2010 18:58

A friend and I both want the same name for a boy and will probably be TTC at the same time.

We decided we don't care. Hundreds of children have the same name, it doesn't really matter that they'll probably be friends with somebody with the same name as them!

droves · 29/11/2010 19:03

My big sis did this .
We were both expecting boys , i was 3 month ahead of her in pregnancy . One day names came up ...told her i loved Cameron for a boy ..Her reply was it was horrible with my surname and every second boy that yaer had been called Cameron. She kept on and on about it being a chavy name.

My son was named something else.
Hers (born 10 weeks later) is called Cameron.

ItalianLady · 29/11/2010 19:07

Did you not see that coming, droves?

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