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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't know what to say to my first time mum to be pal....

59 replies

NameHasChanged · 28/11/2010 18:24

My friend is about to have her first baby. She has sked me to tell her "honestly" what labour is really like. Now, I had two uncomplicated births with no interventions and just gas and air - but even so, I was astonished by the pain, the contractions felt like being struck by lightning and I was so battered by ds2 (aka "big head") that I'm still mildly incontinent when I sneeze or cough...
She's got her candles and her ipod list and her essential oils - does she really need a dose of The Truth from me or is it best to just say nice things like "your body will cope" and "when the baby arrives it will all be worth it".

OP posts:
hormonesnowmore · 28/11/2010 21:12

Oh dear.

When anyone asks me what it's like, I usually tell them that it's really painful but it's just one day of your life, the pain stops when the baby's born and it's all worth it in the end. I do point out that I was lucky to have short, medically straightforward labours.

In all honesty I found it shockingly traumatic.

And the first three months with a new baby were horrendous for me but I agree that you shouldn't use the opportunity to debrief.

maktaitai · 28/11/2010 21:18

cupcakebakerer - 'up for the challenge' is IMO exactly the right way to go into it.

It's different for everyone. What are you most worried about, if anything?

I didn't want to die. I wanted it to stop, and after a while it did. I think the funny thing is how dramatic it feels at the time, and how absolutely mundane it looks (cf most birth programmes).

SE13Mummy · 28/11/2010 21:21

I tell friends who ask that the cervical sweep was the most painful part of DD1's labour (or not!) and that was probably because I simply hadn't expected it to be painful. I expected labour, contractions etc. to be painful. I did have an epidural with DD1 and spent the labour doing crossword puzzles with DH and a student doctor. With DD2 it was a different kettle of fish - the epidural didn't 'take', I read a couple of novels during the contractions, went to sleep and woke up 30 minutes before DD2 decided she'd like to arrive. She was out within 5 pushes (would have been three but for the fact that DH had been sent home by the midwives and was coming back at 2am. DD2 was born at 0155). It was momentarily painful but nowhere near as agonising as I'd imagined.

The thing I'm glad a friend told me is that there is an awful lot of blood involved in giving birth - no-one had told her and she was terrified something had gone horribly wrong. Being warned about that was massively reassuring.

Portofino · 28/11/2010 21:23

cupcakebakerer, NO!

I had a dream pregnancy, but the most interventionist birth you could imagine, including 2 weeks on the ante natal ward, breech, a planned c-section, sent home, induction, emcs under gas and air. This is a very rare combination of events and extremely unlikely to happen to you.

It was honestly not that awful Not any of it. The worst part was being left on the ante natal ward as I don;t like hospitals and was looking forward to my nesting period at home. And I never even read the cs part in my book. When they say every birth is different, they are right! MN is full of successful Mothers. Mothers who go do it again and again....

lillibet1 · 28/11/2010 22:27

tell her the truth I have just had my first baby 2 weeks ago and wish people had been honest you can still do the no two are the same and every one reacts differently but please don't do what some one did to me and go "well I managed will just some gas and Air" as it may well leave her feeling rubbish if she doesn't

lillibet1 · 28/11/2010 22:29

tell her the truth I have just had my first baby 2 weeks ago and wish people had been honest you can still do the no two are the same and every one reacts differently but please don't do what some one did to me and go "well I managed will just some gas and Air" as it may well leave her feeling rubbish if she doesn't

SkyBluePearl · 28/11/2010 23:15

Tell her it was straight forward for you (it was)but that it was painful. Seems balanced to me.

Original poster
NameHasChanged · 29/11/2010 08:58

bump....

OP posts:
Cosmosis · 29/11/2010 09:46

Be honest, but no out and out horror. My 1st is 12 weeks and I spent a lot of time reading childbirth section of here to prepare myself. as a result, and I do realise i was probably also lucky, it wasn't as bad as I expected.

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