overexcited children at a birthday party

[noooooname]

Namechanged for this.

I held DS's birthday party today. He is 5. The 7yo brother of one of his friends came along too as the mum wanted to stay with the 5yo and had no other childcare. In my view the pair of them caused havoc but perhaps I'm overreacting and it's normal high spirited behaviour.

The two boys arrived at the party and unwrapped DS's present for him as he wasn't going to do it straight away. It was a board game and they got it out and started playing with it and ended up scattering pieces everywhere. I picked up as much as I could while the kids were playing a party game that DH organised, and in the 5 mins between the end of that game and the start of the next the boys had got some coloured chalk from DS's easel (which was in the corner of the party room) and were stamping it into the floor. It's a wooden floor, so it's no big deal to clear up but I wouldn't let my DS get away with that behaviour.

At tea, the 7yo declared he didn't like anything so his mum went into the kitchen and made a sandwich. Meanwhile he was shouting out rude comments to make the other kids laugh and wouldn't stay sat at the table. When I brought out the cake, the 7yo sang "happy birthday to me" and the 5yo sang "happy birthday poobum". After tea they were merely generally riotous until hometime. Their mother didn't intervene at all even though I had to stop the 5yo bashing a china plate against the table and tell the 7yo "we use polite language in our house" right in front of her.

How normal is this for birthday party behaviour? I felt I needed vast quantities of gin to dull the ringing in my ears after those two had left. I'm a bit upset as DS didn't like other people opening his presents (and losing one piece) or singing alternatives to happy birthday but he was quite calm about it at the party - just telling me afterwards he didn't like it.

I know the mother. I see her quit often. Should I mention to her that I found her kids' behaviour quite difficult at DS's party? Or should I let it go and put it down to overexcitement?

I wouldn't mention it but I wouldn't have them at my house again either. I'm sure children like this 'get known' and then are not invited anymore, which is a bit sad because it's the parent's fault for not teaching them how to behave.

Not normal at all.

That behaviour is unacceptable. If my children had behaved like that, they would have been in serious trouble.

Opening his bloody birthday present, ffs! That's disgusting.

You know, you had the right to take it off them and say "How dare you open my son's gift!"

I think it would be utterly pointless to say anything to the mother. - she was right bloody THERE! If she intended to deal with it, she would have. Clearly, for whatever reason, she's not planning on addressing unacceptable behaviour when it's right in front of her - she's not going to give a flying fuck if you raise it with her now!

tbh, I'd just make sure I had bog all to do with her and the children.

"I see her quit often".
This typo is a sign

YANBU

The mum should have said something and as for going into your kitchen to make him a sandwich...for once in my life I think words fail me.

YANBU why oh why do some parents let their kids behave this way? No point I guess mentioning it now, but I wouldn't have them step inside my home again.

Would never let DD (3) behave like this am totally at 5 and 7 year olds behaving like this, party or no party!

Plenty of 6yos would behave like that if not kept on a tight rein. If she asked and you said was ok to make a sarnie, that's not really a problem.

It isn't so much the behaviour as the fact the mother didn't get the hint and try to control it... Whatever standards are in her house you were obviously upset, she should have figured that out and at least tried to calm them down. No point in saying anything now. But I'd not have them back any time soon, either!

I think she could not ask her kids to behave because she knew they would ignore her, and she was going to use the "oh, they are just excited they never usually behave like this" excuse if challenged

disgraceful inconsiderate parenting IMO

YANBU that's awful. I wouldn't bring it up, I'd just give them the cold shoulder for a bit but then I'm a wimp!

No it's not normal behaviour. Over-the-top party behaviour involves screeching, rough-housing and, if you're really unlucky, something inappropriate with the foid. It does not involve opening someone else's birthday presents, destroying things, having food off the menu (except for allergies, but only then with forwarning), or continuing with actions they've been told to stop.

The mother was there. No point in raking over it. Just don't invite them again until you have reason to know they've changed.

PS: other words to "happy birthday" -inevitable among boys around that age. It'll be easier to help him through this, though, if the rest of the problematic behaviour isn't happening around him.

Really bad behaviour. I wouldn't tolerate this for one second from my four year old. I don't think I'd be v keen to see this family again, personally.

Over-excitement is something different, IMO, and usually involves unacceptable levels of either noise or bouncing rather than actually unwrapping someone else's present!

That's not high spirits. I've been in a room at a school disco with 300 kids all egged on by a DJ to yell, scream, jump around and be utterly utterly overexcited - they'd never have dreamt of the stuff you posted about (and lots of these were kids with real issues)... you might have got a ruptured eardrum from all the screaming (thankfully I was having a nice bout of hearing loss at the time) - but they'd never have gone off the wall like you describe.

YAssssssssooooooNBU in the slightest, , really the whole opening the present thing, I've never known a child to do this before ever (and I've been an early yrs practitioner for 11 yrs). The chalk - disrespectful but I know some parents allow this kind of thing under the 'creative' unbrella. I however see it as destruction due to the fact neither the mother or the childrem seem to understand the normal relms of acceptab;e behaviour with someone elses property.

I agree - no more invites. (and enjoy that gin )

YANBU! I hate that kind of nonsense. My SIL looked askance at me once when I stopped her DS from opening my DS's birthday present. Um, no, it's not his, and he's not opening it. End of!

I don't think any good can come of mentioning it, but don't have them over again surely.

I can think of a pair of brothers you might be describing-I wonder if its them? Their mother always manages to get both of them into a party if she can

YANBU at all! My DS got overexcited at a party today...he ate ten donuts and threw up! But he said please and thank you, and wouldn't have dreamed of opening someone elses present! I'd have taken him home within the first ten minutes! I'm shocked that someone would allow their children to behave like this.

Well I don't know what you mean, my little darlings weren't that bad. Just a little excited at being invited to a party (we don't seem to get invited to many, not really sure why?).

I had to make a sandwich for mummy's special soldier, he didn't like the party food and mummy can't have him being hungry.

For a minute I thought you were going to report on the party that I took DD to this afternoon where 2 much older children were running round flicking elastic bands at everyone; stamping on the balloons that the entertainer was about to use to make animals with and running through the other well behaved quietly seated children. I was a bit judgey about the parent not intervening with them, but am open mouthed in horror at the pair that you had in your house today.

IME over excited children run round screaming and yes at that age every other word is poo; bum; wee etc - dreadful that the parent did not intervene

unacceptable behaviour - personally i'd not invite them to another party even if son pleads. Does your son know them through school or other groups?

I am [shock} at the behaviour. They sound like a couple of spoiled brats, no wonder when the mum panders to them and does not discipline them. Dont invite them again. You were too nice tbh, i would have said something when they unwrapped your ds present and when they sang rude words to Happy Birthday.

Definitely not out of the realms of normal boistrous party behaviour - but the mother's response is definitely NOT normal. I cannot believe she allowed them to open your DS's present and didn't intervene when they misbehaved!! I wouldn't be inviting them round with the mother again. I'd consider inviting them WITHOUT her as it would be easier to take control of the situation and deal with their behaviour yourself.

They sound poorly raised TBH and the mother sounds a bit dim.
never invite them again

I am totally fed up with the offloading of extra kids at parties. If I send an invite inviting X to a party, I do not mean X, his brother, mother etc.
I will not interupt playing games with the kids to make mums cups of tea. I made top hats, gingerbread men, mini fairy cakes etc for the kids, not the parents. I will not hand out party bags to kids who were not invited in the first place. And I totally can't stand uninvited siblings trashing my house and completely changing the tone of my child's party!!
Sorry, that is my rant over - recent bad experience!
YANBU - at all!
Be polite in public places but do not invite them round again or encourage your kids to socialise with them.

Behaviour not great but not unheard off, the problem to me is the mum not trying to put a stop to it!