overexcited children at a birthday party

[noooooname]

Namechanged for this.

I held DS's birthday party today. He is 5. The 7yo brother of one of his friends came along too as the mum wanted to stay with the 5yo and had no other childcare. In my view the pair of them caused havoc but perhaps I'm overreacting and it's normal high spirited behaviour.

The two boys arrived at the party and unwrapped DS's present for him as he wasn't going to do it straight away. It was a board game and they got it out and started playing with it and ended up scattering pieces everywhere. I picked up as much as I could while the kids were playing a party game that DH organised, and in the 5 mins between the end of that game and the start of the next the boys had got some coloured chalk from DS's easel (which was in the corner of the party room) and were stamping it into the floor. It's a wooden floor, so it's no big deal to clear up but I wouldn't let my DS get away with that behaviour.

At tea, the 7yo declared he didn't like anything so his mum went into the kitchen and made a sandwich. Meanwhile he was shouting out rude comments to make the other kids laugh and wouldn't stay sat at the table. When I brought out the cake, the 7yo sang "happy birthday to me" and the 5yo sang "happy birthday poobum". After tea they were merely generally riotous until hometime. Their mother didn't intervene at all even though I had to stop the 5yo bashing a china plate against the table and tell the 7yo "we use polite language in our house" right in front of her.

How normal is this for birthday party behaviour? I felt I needed vast quantities of gin to dull the ringing in my ears after those two had left. I'm a bit upset as DS didn't like other people opening his presents (and losing one piece) or singing alternatives to happy birthday but he was quite calm about it at the party - just telling me afterwards he didn't like it.

I know the mother. I see her quit often. Should I mention to her that I found her kids' behaviour quite difficult at DS's party? Or should I let it go and put it down to overexcitement?

YANBU they are badly brought up. Don't have anything mor to do with them, and have a lovely G&T or 3

Very bad behaviour. My youngest (nearly five) recently was rude at a birthday party by not singing along to Happy Birthday, she was a bit jealous of all the attention on another child, and she got a real telling off for it. I told her if she didn't sing nicely at the next party, we would just go home. My husband agreed. You have to set boundaries, she won't do it again! (I did explain that it would make the other child sad blah blah).

I wouldn't say anything to the mum, just don't invite them again.

YANBU how fucking outrageous! I would have told the mother to sling her hook, with her precious darlings in tow!

omg how rude, i would have been so ashamed if my dses acted like that, how can the mum just sit there and do nothing??
definitely wouldnt have them again, as its not fair on your ds they do things like open his presents and ruin his party and spoils the atmosphere for the other children too. surely at 5 and 7 they should know better? well i suppose its because their mum never challenges them on it, but i dont think that could be put down to normal excited party behaviour - its too much

The birthday singing I think is simply spirited behaviour.

Opening present trying to smash stuff into the floor/table not sitting down is unacceptable behaviour. I would expect the mother to have dealt with it without a shadow of a doubt.

But then I would hav etold my child "tough thats the birthday tea if you dont like it dont have any sit down and behave"

You are better than me, i would have put them on the naughty step (something i don't shy away from, even with other peoples children) They sound like hooligans, perhaps mum is at her wits end, and has given up?

Don't invite them again, and tell her you wont and why, or she wont realise how bad they are.

OP I've been itching to ask you this - did the mum appear aware of her DS' behaviour, how did she react? Did she try and laugh it off as 'how funny are they' sort of thing?

Hows the gin

Aaargh unheard of

Oh well at least you got a resounding YANBU to your name!!

I thought so, re the mum. I know someone like this and the resulting tantrum is often more embarassing than the original unacceptable behaviour.

Just hope she decides to nip it in the bud befor they're much older (and bigger).

Hecate said it all for me at the very beginning. What a pair of brats!

Zapostrophe, it's rude enough that one of the demons claimed that he 'didn't like' any of the food on offer, but the mother going into your kitchen and making him a sandwich... tell me, tell me please that she didn't just go and do so uninvited!

YDNBU you've a lot more patients than I have, I would of pulled the Mother up there & then & asked her to either sort her bloody kids out, or leave

I feel quite sad for her boys really, because her lazy arsed parenting is going to end up with them not getting invited anywhere again, & rightly so .....mind you, I'm surprised she actually stayed, IME the parents of Kids who act up so badly at parties, are usually the ones that dump them & run, I gave up on big parties for DD after 6, for that reason, just too bloody stressful stopping a small handful from
a, trashing the place, & b, killing each other, I was gobsmacked at just how violent some of them could be,

so no, YDNBU, but I doubt it will be the only one you'll come across like her

patience

OP, YANBU. I wouldn't invite them again. I'm sure other mums will have had similar experiences with them. It was rude enough in the first place that the mum assumed her older child could join in with the party tea, let alone barging into your kitchen and just making him a fucking sandwich.

I can find sympathy for the mother, too.

Although what was the point of her staying if she didn't really intervene? It sounds like it would have been better off without her so that OP could have enforced rules more clearly?!

I find the sandwich making quite tolerable because kids can have unpredictable sensory issues around food. Friend has such a boy (lovely, not hyper) but she would be ever so apologetic about it from the start, maybe brought her own (although that can be seen as rude, too), picked out the fillings he would eat, etc.

Could be if the 7yo is such a handful that the mother has no reference for normal, so she isn't disciplining the 5yo either who might respond and behave reasonably if he didn't have such a role model of lunacy in older sibling.

I don't like labels either, but sometimes they are a route to getting help.

DS2 could easily be labelled as hyperactive or
ADHD but no way would he behave like that at a party and no way would I have tolerate it in him.

The present opening I would have written off as excitement in giving a gift coupled with disappointment in your DS not opening it immediately. However, the behaviour from then on was truly appalling.

Singing alternate words to Happy birthday is, I'm afraid, par for the course. Especially with children who have older siblings.

I always have to take all three SmallDragons to parties but I do not expect the siblings to be fed, entertained or provided with a party bag and I damn well ensure they behave.

I wouldn't let a 7 year old come to a party just so mum could stay with a 5 year old.

Introducing older children always makes the party that much worse.

The mother had no childcare for the older boy? How odd.

"I wouldn't let a 7 year old come to a party just so mum could stay with a 5 year old"

What would you do then? leave the 7 year old home alone? Sitting outside on the doorstep or in the car? For whatever reason, the mother wanted to stay with the 5 yo. Not everyone has the option to leave other siblings behind.

Thankfully, DD is confident and happy to stay places alone now. However, if she needed me to stay, her older siblings would have to come too and, quite frankly, I wouldn't give a stuff what anyone else thought. However, they certainly wouldn't behave like the children in the OP.

Is it possible the older child has mild special needs / behavioural issues, whether they have been diagnosed or not? The behaviour does sound quite odd, not just over excitement and it makes me wonder if there may be something else going on.

Not odd, just typical of some kids who have no boundaries.
Looks to me as if the mum just didn't see the problem, if she made no attempt to deal with theri behaviour - even letting them open the birthday child's presents and play with them. Who wouldn't just say "no, this is OP's DS's present. Let's leave it for him to open otherwise he might be upset."

The mother behaved quite dreadfully in not controlling her kids' inappropriate behaviour. You can mention it if you are feeling brave but I can tell you now that she will shrug it off as you being unreasonable and may well never speak to you again.

YANBU. Carry on inviting the 5 year old round to play but only without the mother...

Surely if you don't have childcare for the sibling, and the 5yo isn't confident enough to be left, you have to decline the invitation. Not just assume they can come anyway. Especially if they are liable to wreck the birthday boy's day .