In laws

[OatcakeGirl]

My husband and I have spent the last 4 Christmases with his family, and they seem to expect that we always should. None of my husband's older siblings have to do this - they are allowed to alternate.

I'm 4 months pregnant with my first child. I'm not religious, but my inlaws are, and take Christmas very seriously. I told my FIL that I had been offered an antenatal appointment on Xmas Eve (in Scotland), and apologised that I'd have to miss their Xmas in Sussex this year. He spluttered "So you don't care about Christmas at all!" then slammed the phone down! I thought it was so rude.
From my point of view, my health and that of my unborn child is indeed more important than Xmas, but my inlaws think their Christmas celebration is more important. Surely being a good Christian is about thinking of what's best for others instead of putting your own wishes for a party first?

My husband has to spend a lot of time working in London, and we have flats in Scotland and London. I will be giving birth in Scotland, and that's something my husband and I are both happy with, especially as I want to have my mother around before and after the birth.

MIL phoned me to tell me I ought to be giving birth near their home in Sussex, because my husband will feel left out if he has to travel up to Scotland.

I didn't want to make my husband feel bad about his mother, so I didn't make a big thing of what she had said, but asked him if he was really OK about me giving birth in Scotland. He assured me he was very happy about it.

I hid that I was upset, and lightly said "I think your mum would prefer me to give birth in Sussex."
My lovely husband replied "Well,it's about what's best for us, not what's best for my mother." So if he is fine about it, why is MIL interfering like this?

It's great that your MIL called and having 100% support from your DH will make all the difference to your relationship with the ILs. Glad you've had a chance to talk to your DH about it all.

Good luck with the new baby

I agree, your mother in law made up for it by calling. Stick to your guns, and best luck with the baby!

Are you still having Christmas with them?

Sorry, but I just couldn´t tbh.

I´d have to have this one without them.

And MIL-I don´t know her-but is she just doing this so that she doesn´t lose the chance to have he grandchild virtually living with her?

They don´t seem to understand that you are adults imo & the more you fall in with them, the less they will tbh.

Haven't read the whole thread, but please please don't move into the farm cottage as your main home. You will have years of interferance and stress.

Try to find a way to make scotland your main home.

Moving away from my inlaws saved my sanity and my marriage.

I think you and your DH are communicating in really odd ways. You didn't tell him 'to spare his feelings'. He didn't mention it 'to see if you raised it'. Weird.

Add to this the fact that you cancelled an appointment because you felt you 'had no choice' just because your FIL wasn't happy. I think you have some iisues that go way beyond difficult inlaws.

Can I ask how old you are?

Just to add I couldn´t respect anyone who demanded I cancel an antenatall appointment & stropped & hung up about it.

I admit I´m not overly religious, but it didn´t realise that CE was so important in the religious calender.

just want to ditto the comments about don't move into their cottage, even with very reasonable and nice kind of inlaws, living together or almost together is difficult, and living somewhere of theirs rent free means they will almost feel like they own you, and as you have already seen they have some controlling personalities i can just see this could easily turn into a disaster.

how tiny is your tiny flat? babies dont take soo much room and maybe you could move to a cheaper area of london for a slightly bigger flat, or something like that? sometimes the bit of privacy and control over your own lives is worth soo much more than the actual square footage of your living area. i would be happier in a tiny flat than in a mansion where inlaws felt they have the right to walk in at any time and feel they have the control over your life, and i think realistically most people would find that to be the case? just be cautious cos if you find it hard to say no to them, they may take advantage of that. but it is great that your dh understands and will back you up, so you should be able to work things out and find a good solution how to deal with them, because your dh has the right attitude

Please don't let yourself get into the situation where you are reliant on a grumpy control-freak for your accommodation and childcare.

Just think what a large stick they will have to wave over your heads whenever you and your DH want to make decisions for yourself.