To be put off having a DC2 by SPD?

[DonnatellaMoss]

Have name changed for this as lots of personal info...I had terrible SPD with DS. Had to take maternity leave at 24 weeks, was sofa-bound, lots of pain, had crutches etc. It was a big strain on my DH as I was pretty much incapable of doing anything.

DS is now 1, and DH and I are both horrified by the possibility of another pregnancy like the previous one (I also had pretty much constant UTIs and bad anaemia), with DS to care for too.

What have other people done? I would love another baby at some point but am now thinking I'll either leave it for 4 years (when DS is at school) or stop at one.

AIBU? I recovered after the birth so it's only 9 months of hell...

Not quite the same, but I have a form of arthritis which presents very similarly to SPD which was a nightmare during my first pregnancy. Crutches from 24 weeks, unbelievable agony. And I didn't recover post birth, I was worse. It was undoubtedly a factor in a bigger age gap. I now have DT's who are 3.5 years younger than DS and no doubting physically their pregnancy was absolute hell. They thought I'd never walk again afterwards, crutches from 16 wks, wheelchair from 24wks, bed bound from 29 wks, delivered at 35 wks. It was truly an horrific time. We have no family so managing DS was near impossible - loads of friends rallied round but it was hard. DS suffered a LOT. DH was worn ragged holding down his job with a very ill wife and unsettled child. There were a lot of other factors - hyperemisis, twin-to-twin transfusion so the girls were having problems themselves, building work etc, but it was hell.

But was it worth it?

Absolutely. We have our darling daughters, nearly about to celebrate their first birthday.

We went it to that pregnancy knowing the hell it would be - it was worse than we could have imagined, but I still wouldn't change it.

And second time round - be more bolshy. There are drugs which can be taken in pregnancy if the pain is that bad. I was on morphine for a long while, weaned off just before birth. The girls are fine. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Our friends were amazing - at their Christening DH made a speech and individually thanked each person who made it possible - the neighbours who took DS to preschool, the people who brought food etc. And to add, DS is now absolutely fine also, adores his little sisters. The guilt of how it affected him was awful - but honestly, he's gained so much by having them, and it did actually make us all stronger long term.

It won't be easy, but I'm just saying from my perspective, it was worth it.

I had spd with my first pregnancy but not until about 26 weeks. With my second pregnancy it was very painful from 17 weeks. I was finally induced at 38 weeks as my consultant said, 'I had suffered enough'. I spent most of the last few months dosed up pain killers.

But it was worth it.

Like Herbietea DH went straight for vasectomy post DT's. I'm still paranoid about pregnancy!

I know I will physically be paying for life for carrying my children but that still doesn't mean they weren't worth it, but I agree with Herbietea, on days when the pain is terrible it's tough. But you recovered post birth so if you are very careful, never push yourself during the pregnancy, the chances are you should be fine post any subsequent one.

Thanks for the replies. So sorry to hear of all your v difficult pregnancies, and that you are still suffering Herbietea. Can I ask, did you have it in your first pregnancy? And thanks for the advice - Weegle I would definitely be more bolshy and insist on proper physio, meds etc if there was a next time - thanks for the encouragement.

I am now even more scared that I will have it even worse with any DC2 - but it is important to know what could happen.

Would be great to hear of anyone else who has had (or not had) SPD in 2nd (or 3rd etc) pregnancies...

no way are you being unreasonable! due to various (inherited) medical reasons i've been advised to stop at 2 (and even that was ignoring my consultant's advice, on both occasions), you need to think about your ability to cope, the effect on your DH and your little one first and foremost - if you just can't bear the idea of having another child, just do whatever is best for YOUR circumstances. Not BU at all! I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a rough time of it though, it's a shame the reality of this isn't quite the rosy picture some people present (i remember after my first, FIL actually had the cheek to turn around and say, "see it wasn't as bad as you'd thought", this was 3 days after i'd had a very real period in which i was totally out of it and DH was terrified i wasn't going to be ok after all). So do what YOU are happy with, ignore everyone else - they aren't you :)

YANBU - I had SPD from 20 weeks with my DS. It was horrible. Took a whole year for my pelvis to feel anything like normal again - getting out of the car was excrutiating.

Consultant said I'd get it again and it's usually worse...

No thanks. Between that and a horrible horrible birth experience there's no way I'd have another.

Am now the proud owner of an only child and very very happy about it.

But everyone is different - some may say it's worth it and they'd manage somehow. Depends how desperate you are to add to the family.

what the hell causes spd? does anyone know?

wish I'd had some kind of belly hammock on wheels when I had it.

I am in a similar situation, have a son who's nearly two. Am thinking of getting as fit as possible and as light as possible before trying to conceive. Thinking it might help. At least next time I'd know what it is and where to get help. Of course yanbu, though. I am only just countenancing it at all, and the fact my husband wants another is a very big part of that.

I had really bad SPD with 1st dd (but not to the extent of crutches - poor you :() but did see a physio and wore a sexy brace to help keep my bones in the right direction and help the bump be kept in a comfy position. Had SPD again with 2nd pregnancy, and it was really bad (partly, I think, because 2nd DD was hoooooooouuuuuuuuge as was I) and I have SPD again this time with 3rd pg, but I am being a lot more careful with things like not driving long distances, keeping my legs together when climbing in and out of cars etc, sleeping with a small pillow between my knees etc etc. Much less worse this time round...

I really feel for you. I haven't had it myself (counting my blessings!) but have a friend who had it during her 1st and like MavisG she now exercises a lot (just gently - swimming, walking and yoga) and has also got heavily involved with toddler groups/volunteering etc to build a strong support network for when she starts trying for another.

It's a tough decision for you and if you get through the pregnancy it will be worth it, and you'll know to make sure you get proper help asap.

Good luck :)

YANBU at all and I speak as one who is currently pregnant with DC2.

With DD, SPD presented towards the end of the second trimester and I was on crutches almost immediately and then in a wheelchair for the last month. I was stubborn and insisted on carrying on working until 34 weeks and pretty much tried to ignore it as everyone said it would go away as soon as I delivered. It didn't. I had DD by elective section at 38 weeks and handed my crutches back to the physio nine months later. I wasn't discharged for several more months.

From then (2006) until now I have suffered twinges every month, due to hormones.

We initially said that we would definitely have no more and were advised by physios that it wouldn't be a smart idea but about a year ago decided that we would try again. A lot of this was because of DD - we knew that she would understand and cope, as she is a scarily logical four year old, and she started school in September.

I'm now almost 29 weeks and huge. I've been on crutches since 14 weeks and now use a wheelchair if we go out anywhere. I take DD to school in the car and hobble her to the door on my crutches and I collect her in the same fashion. Other than that I rest all day - it is mind-numbingly boring and difficult and I feel like a failure as a wife and mother at the moment. DH is a star and has banned me from housework - he does as much as he can, inbetween full-time work and playing with DD. DD is wonderful and is always trying to help me .

I'm not trying to put you off but I am saying think very long and hard about it. Even with a wonderful, well-adjusted, helpful, kind child it is very hard. It is heartbreaking to not be able to play in the garden or park with DD and almost worse to hear her tell me that it doesn't matter and I will be able to by next summer.

All of that being said, I am glad we are doing it, but DH either books himself in for a vasectomy immediately post-birth or I'm getting the housebricks out.

Donnatella, I had SPD with my first and have researched all this very very thoroughly. Basically, no medical professional will be able to promise you "no SPD next time".

What you can do is take some positive steps ie. some, any or all of the following:

go to see an osteopath who specialises in SPD who can examine you carefully and advise on the strength of your pelvis

do pilates, preferably one-to-one, to strengthen the muscles in that area

get in touch with an obstetric physio who can advise on exercises and agree to support you during your pregnancy

get in place your support network of friends/ family, or even save up for paid help during your pregnancy

leave the pregnancy for at least two years, or more- like you say, until DD is at school for example

vow to address the SPD earlier this time eg. support belt from the start, physio exercises from the start, taking it easy with carrying/ pushing/ hiking from the start.

In short maybe none of these will work but, according to my osteo and my physio, they have both worked with women who have done these things and their SPD has not been so bad second time around but no guarantees.

Do you think that having a one year old is early to be worrying about this? It is all very raw. I am waiting a little as DD is nearly three and I still carry her around a lot and push her in a pushchair.

It is such a difficult one.

LilRedWG I feel for you hugely

the hiking bit was a joke BTW

I'm in a similar situation - DD is 6 months but I've concluded that any others will have to wait until she's at school - I had hyperemesis from 4.5 weeks and then SPD from about 18 weeks, and it was hell! I ended up have a section because of it.

I'm torn though, because I'm scared of pregnancy but I would like us to have another in future. I don't know what the right answer is, but don't let family members/friends push you in to it, some of mine have started already.

hiya, yadnbu but i can maybe give some positive advice? I too had awful spd in my first pregnancy with ds and had crutches and the horrendous being kicked in the nuts type pain and was also very wary of another pregnancy. but i am now pg with dc2 and so far luckily have not had any spd symptoms at all. i am 22 weeks and like someone else mentioned have had preventive type physio from the start ie the belt, exercises, moving carefully etc. of course i know it may still come on as i get bigger but hopefully if it does may not be as bad? i can only imagine how hard it will be with a toddler to look after as well but am really hoping it doesnt come to that. anyway just wanted to say it doesnt always have to happen again.

domesticslattern - thank you, I'm a bit of a whingebag tonight.

YANBU SPD was horrible.

What noone tells you when your planning a second is that the closer together you have children the more likely you are to suffer esp within 18 -20 months.

Whatever you do I would give yourself some time

Echo what domesticslattern says. Get your core as strong as possible before getting pg. My physio thought that my c section made spd worse 2nd time round. Need lots of strengthening exercises first. I also had acupuncture with my physio which was amazing. It was painful but my goodness it works. She said she had about an 80% success rate with pg women. I didn't need crutches after treatment which was once a week till birth.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Thanks SO much for all the v helpful replies - they have made me feel both more cautious and more hopeful! If I ever do become pregnant again (which I do hope to, if I'm honest) I will certainly try these things - thanks particularly to domesticslattern - and fingers (and legs!) crossed... I also agree with those who said it's a bit soon - I am a forward planner but I think I just need to relax and enjoy my DS for now.

Sympathies to LilRedWG - really hope your recovery is faster this time - sounds like your DD is lovely and you are doing a great job.

Just one more question - I was doing Pilates but I found that it set off some long term problems I have with my knee and back (prob the reason I got SPD in the first place). Is there any exercise that is like Pilates but gentler? Would yoga be as good? Or maybe one-on-one Pilates where I could make sure I was careful... ooh and would love to hear if refloxology and/or acupuncture helped anyone else...

I had SPD very badly with my first DD. It did cure itself really quickly after the birth (CS - don't know if that makes a difference), but came back every month at teh time of my period. I dreaded being pregnant again so waited 3 years. I got SPD pretty much straight away with DD2, but saw a physio who specialses in SPD (get in contact with the Pelvic Partnership who can tell you who in your area is known to have done the specialist training) at about 12 / 13 weeks. I was already in agony at this stage and couldn't see how I would ever make it through the rest of the pregnancy. I don't really know what it was she did, but I went out feeling better and only ever had slight twinges for the rest of the pregnancy. So my recommendation is to go and see someone who can help you really soon.

One to one pilates Donnatella, preferably machine based. That's the way to go. It is ruinously expensive though....

I had SPD with DC3, then PND, which I think was linked. We did leave a bigger gap than with the others. I had SPD again wiht DC4, but it WAS less severe than before and no PND this time.

I was absolutely fine with DS1 (rushing around town to well past my due date, moving house a week before he arrived and painting his room in the few days after we moved) but DS2 I had SPD quite badly. It started off as sciatica, but progressed by the end of my second trimester. I was using crutches for every day, limiting distances I had to walk and using a wheelchair if I went to the supermarket, for example. But then as soon as he was born (natural delivery) I was able to walk around with minimal pain and even that passed really quickly.

That was seven years ago and now I'd love to try for DC3, but DH is worried about how I'd be, and whether it'd be worse this time.

YANBU to worry about it and for it to put you off. I definitely didn't want any more until DS2 was about four and a half, which was when I began to feel more as if I would be able to cope with another pregnancy. I think it's vastly different with each woman. Good luck with making your decision, and I hope that whatever you decide turns out for the best!