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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be cross at DD's teacher for Xmas play?!

37 replies

BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 16:34

I realise that people's first thought upon reading this title is "yes, YABU" but bear with me :)

DD(7) has a nightmare with school, really hates it and it's all we can do to get her there in the morning. Teacher knows all about this. For the past month or so we've been focussing on the Xmas play, as she's so excited about it and I have been getting her to go in by saying "but you mind out what you're going to do in the Xmas play today!" She was given a role where she had a few things to say and she was thrilled about it. But then she has been off sick for 2 days and the teacher took her role off her and now she only gets to dance and not say anything. She is SO upset about it. She doesn't want a starring role, she wants something to say, is that so difficult? Sure, there are loads of kids in a play but in previous years they've been able to give everyone a line so no idea why this year is different. I spoke to the teacher and she just said "oh I can't change it all again..." :( What makes me so cross is that her teacher knows how sad DD has been at school lately and how much she is struggling - wouldn't you give a kid like that something positive to focus on by letting her do something she really wants to?! It's not like there is only one speaking part that they're all fighting for, the teacher could easily have given her something to say. It's not that I want her to have some lines to say (I honestly couldn't care less), I'm just sad because DD is sad about it.

Obviously I know organising Xmas plays is a lot of work and obviously there are hundreds of kids to deal with and one child doesn't deserve special treatment over the others. And yes you have to learn that you don't always get thigns your own way. But DD's not demanding a particular role, she's happy doing whatever, she just wants something to say like most of the other kids! I just feel this is a missed opportunity to help her be a bit happier at school over the next few weeks and that the teacher really should've thought of this :(

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 26/11/2010 16:38

Why is she so unhappy at school? Has something major happened?

EvilTwins · 26/11/2010 16:40

I don't really understand why the teacher has changed the parts after you DD missed two days - surely the performance isn't for a couple of weeks yet? Seems a bit OTT.

So no, YANBU. I would be cross too.

I teach secondary drama, and would never re-cast a play after only two rehearsals - especially if it was due to illness. Seems a bit unfair. Poor DD.

diddl · 26/11/2010 16:43

Well I would have thought that the teacher changing her part in the play is the least of your worries tbh.

Deliaskis · 26/11/2010 16:43

YANBU. It seems unfair to 'award' a part (for want of a better word) and then take it away again.

I don't necessarily think everybody can always have speaking parts, but the point here is that she did, then she didn't. That's a bit mean IMO.

D

Original poster
BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 16:44

jamais, it's been ongoing for a while now. She misses me, is what it boils down to.

EvilTwins, I don't understand either - they haven't had any rehearsals yet but DD was off sick on the day of the 1st rehearsal so she changed it all around.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 26/11/2010 16:44

Just get her to run in wearing her angel costume and shout "BOLLOCKS" at the top of her lungs.

Seriously though, I'd keep plugging away at the teacher. It can't be that difficult for her to change it again, I agree.

Original poster
BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 16:46

diddl, what do you mean? That DD being unhappy is the biggest worry? If so, yes of course it is, and we are working on that with the teacher and the SENCO. That's another issue though, this was just a chance for her to have something positive to focus on for a few weeks.

OP posts:
northernrock · 26/11/2010 16:46

Poor little sausage.
It doesn't seem petty to me-it was one thing she was looking forward to, and performing can be massively good for confidence building.

Is this teacher picking on her do you think?

madhairday · 26/11/2010 16:46

YANBU. When I taught I wouldn't dream of doing something like this, in fact if a child was off ill would make more effort to bring them back into the play where they were before and work with them so they felt confident. I would be cross too.

jamaisjedors · 26/11/2010 16:46

It's a shame about the Xmas play and a bit wierd to change without any reason but on the other hand if there is no serious reason for your child to hold onto the part (hope this is not going to be an AIBU by stealth) then you need to focus on getting DD in a better frame of mind about school - a small thing like this won't make any difference long term.

diddl · 26/11/2010 16:50

But she still has got something to do-there is still a positive focus for her.

Original poster
BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 16:51

LOL, Desiderata!! Actually, I wish she had been an angel because last year's angel costume still fits her :)

As for plugging away at the teacher, I feel really torn about this. I feel I should've stuck up for DD a bit more by asking for her role back and I feel that I let her down by not doing this. But then I hate confrontation and I don't want to be the problem, pushy parent. I tried to turn it round and get her excited about her dance so that's what I was working on.

nothernrock, I don't think she is being picked on (teacher has been very helpful towards her in the past) but DD has been off sick a lot lately and I did wonder if she was being punished for that.

Oops, got to dash, back later - thanks for your thoughts, everyone! I feel a bit more vindicated in my reaction now, thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 16:52

diddl, yes she's got something to do - but it's something she doesn't want to do, so it can't be a positive focus!

OP posts:
diddl · 26/11/2010 16:54

Just noticed about your daughter being off for the first rehearsal-had they been practising before that or was the first rehearsal when parts were definitely cast?

GrimmaTheNome · 26/11/2010 16:58

Oh, what a shame Sad

I suppose if your DD has been off a lot, the teacher thought there was too much of a chance she wouldn't be around for rehearsals or the performance. But she should have thought of that in the first place, not messed your DD around.

NeverEatYellowTaintedSnow · 26/11/2010 17:01

If your DD has just missed one rehearsal (even if it was the first one) and the teacher took her part away anyway, knowing there are existing problems with school, I think she was being supremely insensitive and actually a bit bloody stupid.

My instinct is to wonder if she is being picked on by the teacher. I had a similar thing happen to me at school (still primary, though I was about 10 at the time) with a play.

I'm not sure how you resolve this though. I'd probably be inclined to go back to the teacher and push for the part.

jamaisjedors · 26/11/2010 17:02

I agree with Grimma - no teacher is out to punish a sickly child.

But with everything else to deal with, the teacher probably didn't need the extra hassle of wondering if your DD would be there or not?

wotnochocs · 26/11/2010 17:04

The teacher obviously can't take the part back from the child she has given it to, but I'm sure she could invent something else for your DD to do.

grapeandlemon · 26/11/2010 17:05

Why doesn't she want to do it? Confused

GrimmaTheNome · 26/11/2010 17:05

The problem is now if the teacher changes things again some other kid is going to be disappointed instead. Maybe one who could deal with it better, maybe not.

Hulababy · 26/11/2010 17:13

That seems very unfair to your DD. The teacher shouldn't be telling a child they have one role and then taking it away from them like that, esp where the teacher knows there are already some issues with the child. Seems a really mean act by he teacher.

I would mention it again - tell the teacher that your DD had been very excited about having lines to say and that was a really positive thing in beginning to overcoming the issues she's been having - and this is now a backward step and that your child feels she has been punished for being ill. I am sure the teacher could find her a line to say - maybe introducing the play or at the end saying they hope th parents enjoyed it, or introducing a sing. It could be easily worked in.

Original poster
BodenBabe · 26/11/2010 17:25

Do you think it would be really cowardly if I wrote the teacher a note about it, instead of doing it face to face? Blush I wondered about something along the lines of "I know you said that parts can't be changed now, but should anything come up later where DD could have an 'acting' part then I'd be so grateful if you'd consider it 'cos you know how sad she's been lately, blah blah blah"... (ie. a polite guilt trip).

OP posts:
NeverEatYellowTaintedSnow · 26/11/2010 17:36

I don't think it would be cowardly, but I do think you'd get more of a result if you approach directly. The teacher has been very unfair. I think Hula has a good idea, ask for your DD to be given something to say that won't disrupt the rest of the play as the teacher has now got it.

I really am quite annoyed on your DD's behalf about this, such a daft (at best) thing for her teacher to do.

GrimmaTheNome · 26/11/2010 17:42

A carefully worded note might be a good idea, IMO. If you talk to the teacher directly, she may feel defensive and not have time to think it through.

Goblinchild · 26/11/2010 18:08

'but DD has been off sick a lot lately and I did wonder if she was being punished for that.'

Not punished, but you have a play and you need to be fairly certain that your key people are going to be there. One angel more or less can be covered. Otherwise everyone is let down.
You said she'd been off two days, but does she have a pattern of poor attendance because of illness? And the two days was just the latest episode?
How many days has she had off over the term so far?
Ask the teacher by all means, but she might have chosen someone she sees as more reliable, having given your DD a chance.