to be cross at DD's teacher for Xmas play?!

[BodenBabe]

I realise that people's first thought upon reading this title is "yes, YABU" but bear with me :)

DD(7) has a nightmare with school, really hates it and it's all we can do to get her there in the morning. Teacher knows all about this. For the past month or so we've been focussing on the Xmas play, as she's so excited about it and I have been getting her to go in by saying "but you mind out what you're going to do in the Xmas play today!" She was given a role where she had a few things to say and she was thrilled about it. But then she has been off sick for 2 days and the teacher took her role off her and now she only gets to dance and not say anything. She is SO upset about it. She doesn't want a starring role, she wants something to say, is that so difficult? Sure, there are loads of kids in a play but in previous years they've been able to give everyone a line so no idea why this year is different. I spoke to the teacher and she just said "oh I can't change it all again..." :( What makes me so cross is that her teacher knows how sad DD has been at school lately and how much she is struggling - wouldn't you give a kid like that something positive to focus on by letting her do something she really wants to?! It's not like there is only one speaking part that they're all fighting for, the teacher could easily have given her something to say. It's not that I want her to have some lines to say (I honestly couldn't care less), I'm just sad because DD is sad about it.

Obviously I know organising Xmas plays is a lot of work and obviously there are hundreds of kids to deal with and one child doesn't deserve special treatment over the others. And yes you have to learn that you don't always get thigns your own way. But DD's not demanding a particular role, she's happy doing whatever, she just wants something to say like most of the other kids! I just feel this is a missed opportunity to help her be a bit happier at school over the next few weeks and that the teacher really should've thought of this :(

She's not been that bad to make the teacher think she wouldn't be around. And it was far from a key role, she was one of a group of children who could've easily shared lines if one of them was away (as always happens at Xmastime!)

then definitely go in and talk to the teacher, remind her of the whole picture and see if they can find a space for your DD to have a speaking part, or a special play-related job that she can do.

I had this with DD last year. She had two days off and was demoted from angel to band, but thems the breaks.

Tis show business.

The problem pushy parent is the one that gets the oil in my experience and life in general I'm afraid, go in there politely and state your case that you are sure there is something else that your DD can do.
And you are sure that she will be treated well in the future or else

OOoh, Goblinchild, a play-related job - that is a fantastic idea!!

Thank you, everybody.

Rather than asking for your dd to have her part back or a different part, could you approach it differently with the teacher (and also her class teacher if it is a different person)

So, ask the teacher what your dd did that was SO wrong that the small part that she had in the play was taken away from her, because your dd now feels that she has been punished but she isn't sure why. Then point out that she was really excited about speaking in the play and it was becoming a significant motivator and key element in getting her to come to school with fewer issues which is something that they had all been working towards, that this is now a BIG step back. If she didn't think she was up to it then they shouldn't have given it to her in the first place.

If she says that it wouldn't be fair to take a part away from the other child now, then ask why it was acceptable to take it away from your child. A couple of days illness is neither here nor there given the number of bugs flying around school at this point I would have thought - if anything, if she has had a bug now then there is less chance of her having it later on during the performance days!

I would also ask her to explain it to your dd and to emphasise that she isn't being punished (hopefully!) and see if there is any other special job she could have for the play just to keep her involved.

As Goblinchild said, when my DC were in primary some children did the moving chairs thing, or holding microphone, or standing next to the teacher in an important way thing so that the audience could see them, or OHP thing, or even, as another poster said, introduce the play or say "thank you for coming". There are many different things that your poor DD could do.

I would definitely go in person to see the teacher, but not with all guns blazing. Perhaps you could mention, like zipzap said, some special job, even giving examples.

Please let us know how you get on.

Well I sent DD in with a letter this morning. I told the teacher how I felt but did it very politely, I think. Am a bit nervous about picking her up today though, in case the teacher asks to talk to me. FFS, I am 41, why am I scared of a teacher who is probably younger than me anyway?! Thanks for all your advice, everyone, much appreciated.

DD has a line now and her teacher told her it was a very important one :) Hurray!!

Well done, you.

Oh that's good, hope it all goes well :)

Well done you!!!!