...to make DD say sorry to her soft toys

[WreckoftheHesperus]

...if she hits them?

Sometimes I make DD apologise for e.g. viciously pummelling a stuffed bear, if she has announced "I am going to hit Teddy" and then laid into it brutally.

My theory is that no violence is acceptable, and inanimate objects are the thin end of the wedge. AIBU?

What if they hit her back?

I think you sould call the police this is a serious situation.

YANBU. Seems like a reasonable role play consequence. If she's being really horrid to her toys they might even benefit from 'hospitalisation'.

I have to apologise to Soppy Dog if I accidentally sit on him!

Have you looked into some counselling for her?

If she sees them as real then it seems reasonable. Might bite you on the bum when she insists they eat with you or refuses to put them in the loft tho.

YABU

She needs to learn that her actions have consequenses, and can hurt others, and if they do, then she needs to say sorry. As she cannot cause hurt to a stuffed animal, she does not need to say sorry.

You'll be shocked to learn that no emergency services have been involved yet...

Bonkers. If she can't hit them, who/what can she hit if she happens to feel angry and need to lash out?
Suppressed anger can be quite dangerous. The rule can be: we don't use violence against living beings, but the stuffed things have no feelings and are yours.

thin end of the wedge? Do you think she will become a violent woman in later life because she is hitting a teddy?

She is outletting aggression at an innanimate object. This is GOOD. It is something that we tell children to do - if you want to scream scream into a pillow, if you want to hit something hit a pillow... learning to use an outlet for inappropriate emotions is a good thing not bad.

I agree with curlymama that saying sorry is about realising when your words or actions have hurt someone. You are a bit mad! However if my DD hits her head on the table I will hit the table and say 'bad table, naughty table' so I am just as bad...

Not sure, think its prob nice to encourage her to say sorry, as long as not forcing it. My not so DSis used to stab her teddies in rage and still has unresolved anger issues, might be a pointer to some help needed if anger is excessive.

But we do treat them as is they're real...they say things, get dressed, have breakfast with us etc...I don't get all heavy about it, more along the lines of "Ah, poor Teddy, do you think he likes to be bashed like that? Say sorry and give him a hug".

Probably still bonkers? She never seems to do it out of anger, just as part of a game e.g. to get a reaction from me. And it doesn't happen very often, I was just curious as to what others did.

Is there a pillow/cushion/bean bag that could be a punching substitute?

Teddy must have really, really wound her up. I wonder what he could possibly have said?

Not bonkers. She's using her teddy for role play, you're contributing to it appropriately.

but if your daugher hit her head on the table the table hasnt done anyhting wrong, she just needs to be careful. Teaching her that the table has done something wrong is no good she needs to be more aware.

I think its ok that your child hits soft toys as long as they know its only because you cant hurt real things, encouraging them to apologise afterwards is really important

Actually I think it's the sign of a clued up kid - not the punching, but the fact she obviously knows Teddy's not actually going to suffer. So she can do the role-playing "let's get Teddy dressed", but she also realises that it is just pretend. I'm convinced DS3 thought that Alexander The Monkey was alive until he (DS3, not the monkey) was really quite old - I worried then that he couldn't distinguish between game-playing and RL.

Ok so it is more like "I am going to get teddy dressed and give him breakfast, here is your breakfast teddy, now I am going to beat teddy up"??

In that case yes I would do as you say and comment on poor teddy. Maybe not appologise as such but certainly carry the game along with a note that poor teddy must be hurt/what did teddy do to deserve that type thing.

If it is more of an unprovoked "argh" moment then I would let it go as an outlet IYSWIM.

NordicPrincess that's why I said I am just as bad, I know that the table didn't do anything wrong, I am just silly.

All feels a bit intrusive to me. Let them play freely, express ALL their emotions, and develop their own conscience I say.

Serendippy, I too sometimes say "naughty table" in a jokey way, but wouldn't hit it, for fear of setting a bad example that you can hit things that you perceive to be naughty... I probable need to be served with an "overthinking" emoticon here...

It doesn't seem quite logical to me.

If teddy is to be treated as a person then surely at the point she announces "I am going to hit teddy" then the response should be "no don't do that", and if hitting starts then separate immediately, as if she was doing it to a person.

OTOH if it's OK to hit teddy then it's OK to hit teddy.

Saying that teddy should be treated as a person, but it's OK to beat the crap out of him as long as there's a sorry afterwards, is surely the worst message of all!

oh i see...sorry i am VERY slow !!

ISNT - that would certainly be the worst message for teddy, I should think....

I can just imagine it....."STEP AWAY FROM THE TEDDY, HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND SAY SORRY!"