...to make DD say sorry to her soft toys

[WreckoftheHesperus]

...if she hits them?

Sometimes I make DD apologise for e.g. viciously pummelling a stuffed bear, if she has announced "I am going to hit Teddy" and then laid into it brutally.

My theory is that no violence is acceptable, and inanimate objects are the thin end of the wedge. AIBU?

My concerns would be for teddy's self-esteem...... counselling?

I think that's probably where I'm at, ISNT it. I think I usually say something along the lines of "ow, poor Teddy, ooh, stoppit!" in mock-shocked way when it is happening, and then require some tea and sympathy for him after the assault is over...

I think you need some input from Teddy, tbh. Does he look like he's enjoying the punching?

This thread is messing with my head.

What would Pudesy say?

Yes you are overthinking this, sorry! I know viloence is a big thing but it is also natural to a certain extent. You do need to set good examples and guide them but you can't see every incident of violence (such as you tapping the "naughty" table) as something that is going to lead to a life of violence and hatred.

The fact that violent feelings (frustration, rage, hatred etc) are natural means that we have to guide children to outlet them. Suppressing them alltogether is dangerous and unrealistic. Everyone gets angry or frustrated. Dealing with it is what seperates people.

I wouldn't want to quash her role-playing of anger by making her say sorry. It might undermine her growing sense of the rightness and value of expressing difficult feelings in play.

If I was worried that her play was overly agressive and harsh, I might join in the game by saying 'Oh, poor teddy. I bet that hurt,' and giving him a cuddle,. Or perhaps I would 'be angry' with teddy myself, but in a less harsh way: I might tell teddy how he had upset me for example, and how I was feeling.

WhyHavePets, I'm not saying that DD does it in anger, just as part of a game, so no suppression here, I think.

I see what you mean about the table, but think that I disagree with you. It's important to me in my relationship with DD that she knows that I don't hit her or anything. Occasionally she may lash out at me in anger, and I like to be able to say that it is not acceptable, and that she never sees Mummy hitting anyone, does she? I think that hitting anything, as well as anyone, is an extension of that for me.

um yeah yabu!

children do this. it's their way of exploring emotions and actions that they know they aren't allowed to do to people.

so let her do it. making her say sorry to a stuffed toy is slightly bizarre. she knows it's just a toy. would you make her say sorry to a cushion if she hit one?
or to food if she bites it? lol what about jelly babies???

I will admit that I say things like "oh, poor teddy, be gentle with him" or something like that. but i wouldn't force an apology

Is there a difference between saying 'naughty table' and giving it a little tap and saying 'naughty table' and getting a sledgehammer and beating the crap out of the table while screaming and swearing at the top of your voice and finally throwing the table out the window, putting its coasters and candlesticks etc into a bin liner and throwing the whole lot into the street while screaming that the table was worthless and you never wanted it anyway?

Cos I do the former...

It would be more impressive if you did the latter

Hmm, not convinced on that one I am afraid but it is a totally reasonable difference of opinon rather than something either one of us is "wrong" about.

So long as you are not suppressing anything natural and not supporting anything unreasonable then I would say you are doing fine.

Goodness parenting is a minefield isn't it! I have jsut realised that, as a single parent, I have never allowed ds to "practice" getting changed in front of men/older boys (communal changing rooms and the like) now he has to do it at school swimming lessons and is really struggling with it. Why did no-one tell me that gettin changed is an important thing to practice?? It never even crossd my mind! [argh emoticon]

Ah, but I don't want to set a bad example.

YABU to make her apologise to teddies. They're fair game in our house.

But I got DS to apologise to the piano last week when he slammed the lid .

Have SS been suggested yet ? Is there a teddyline ?

not yet, mamatomany, but surely 'tis only a matter of time...

I don't make DD apologise to her teddy, but I do say things like "poor teddy" or "careful you don't hurt him"

I have never heard anything like this and can only imagine it is a joke. If your children can't pull the legs off their Barbies, who can they pull the legs off? Rather Barbies than spiders.

Am still worried about teddy.

Will probably have nightmares about the revenge of the abused today now, thanks to BeerTricksPotter...

I've always found the Teddy Bear's Picnic song deeply sinister and I've haven't really ever trusted a Teddy as a result.

"For every bear that ever there was is gathered there for certain because..." - can you imagine anything worse than stumbling across every bear that ever there was deep in the woods? All staring at you with their glassy malevolent eyes? Evil bastard teddies.

I've thought of a solution.

Just show your dd .

(Seriously, though, please don't require your dd to act out an apology in role-play. It would be confusing for her and a bit oppressive.)