Am I being too sensitive?

[A1980]

I am a little overweight, need to lose about 10lbs, have PCOS et al.

My girl friends all know this and that I'mm trying to lose weight, etc. Most of time it isn't an issue for me and I cope very very well. I don't really think about it. But one friend in particular is a tiny size 4-6 while never exercising. She can actually wear a US size zero. She's been this way as long as I've known her. I can't help thinking she has food issues as everytime we got out she's already eaten a large meal not long before me met up (even though she knew we were meeting) and orders nothing or orders a starter which she never finishes. I don't really care about that, it's her life, but I do feel greedy eating a full meal while she picks.

I was unwell a couple of weeks ago with the most horrendous tummy bug and was sick all weekend. I mentioned it to my friend and she went off on one saying how lucky it wasn't her, she can't afford to get sick as a bout of vomiting would probably kill her, she's got no fat on her body to spare at all and she's soooo tiny and thin. Yes she it in those words. She went on about it for ages. All the while tucking into her starter side salad as I ate my proper meal.

I thought it was a little insensitive. Please tell me if you think I am being unreasonable and over sensitive but I was a little upset. I didn't say anything though.

Sounds more like she was trying to tell you she has an eating disorder.

I agree with BonniePrince.

I agree. Help her.

She must have an eating disorder....if you arrange to meet up with friends to go for a meal wy eat beforehand?

Just count yourself lucky that you can enjoy a meal ouy and not play around with a starter.

Just focus on the weight you want to lose and try to keep it off when you do, then you'll feel better about yourself. Don't worry about the shape and size of others

agree with the previous posters i think it is about her not you, so i wouldnt take them as insensitive directed at yourself but i would be a bit worried about her, it does sound that she may need some help?

She must have, you're right. She's always tired, always run down, well i would be too if i didn't bloody eat!

I'll try not to pay it any attention or spend more time with other firneds. My other "stick insect" sized friend eats normally but is very thin but she says she'd love boobs, hips like mine! That's what i like to hear.

Perhaps she's asking for help?

She isn't at death's door skinny. She's very slender but she has muscle tone and ceertainly isn't skin and bone.

That's why I thought it was a bit much of her to say a bout of vomiting would kill her and she has no excess fat to spare. She isn't THAT thin. It felt like showing off that i was fatter than her.

But you said yourself that she's always tired and run down and you don't have to be very thin to be ill from an eating disorder. A size 4-6 is pretty thin.

You've confused me you are saying she isn't that thin but is a size 4 -6. In my books that is very skinny unless you are 12!

Sorry she's about 4ft 11ins tall. So size 4-6 isn't death's door tiny for her at that height.

I'm 5ft 5ins. if I was a size 4-6 I'd be about to drop dead. But she's the height of most 11-12 year olds.

Well maybe she does need help and you've come to the conclusion that you should spend more time with other friends instead, you're the one that sounds insensitive to me

Sounds to me like she feels the need for validation for her slimness even if she doesn't have an eating disorder. I suspect that she doesn't even consider you when she makes comments like that. She probably just wants you to agree - oh yes, that would be awful for you, you simply can't afford to lose any more weight... etc.

So YANBU but I doubt she was trying to make any point about your weight but rather she is just a bit obsessed with her own...?

Do you know what - you sound totally self-obssessed! She's supposed to be your friend! Bloody hell!

You can be anorexic and not horribly, shockingly skinny. People can be 'functional anorexics', ie they do eat, but not a lot, certainly not enough to be healthy and what they will eat will be very limited and they may have unusual habits when eating, but they will be eating just enough to function normally (not healthily) and not be in danger of getting v ill. I used to have a friend who was a functional anorexic, and my Mum has one too and your friend's behaviour sounds just like theirs.

Ironically, my Mum is naturally teeny-tiny and the friend is larger. However, my Mum is very short and at a 6-8, still has flesh on her. Only very short women would be a 4-6 naturally. My Mum, like every other thin person I know and like your other thin friend, wishes she could be a bit bigger and is jealous of boobs and curves, etc. Having experience of how women with eating disorders talk and act, I agree with other posters that your friend sounded like she was making a cry for help. Have you ever tried asking her, in a gentle, non-judgemental, pleasant way (maybe jokily) why she always eats just before you meet when she knows you're going to eat?

PS You sound a perfectly attractive and normal size to me, BTW :)

pegotty a bit harsh no? She posted in AIBU and she hasn't said anything to her friend as yet.

Why is she self-obsessed? To be concerned about her weight and feel sensitive about it? Come on.. we've all been there surely? Oh no? Just me? Ok, taxi for 1...

Sorry, but I agree with Peggotty.

Why?

So its ok for this other person to obsess about her weight, but its not ok for the OP? riiiight

(not that I think you are obsessing with your weight OP :) )

Because...

Am I being too sensitive?
Yes, your friend probably needs your help
OK I'll avoid her then and ignore it
But she needs help
But she's not that thin.

See what I mean?

Exactly Loopyloops. And the other 'stick-insect' friend is ok because she says she's like boobs and hips like the op .

LoopyLoops the skinny friend wasn't being much of a friend though was she? If a friend said to me she had been ill I wouldn't start going on about how bad that disease could potentially be for me if I got it in imaginary world when my actual friend had been actually sick for 2 weeks? Just a bit knobby isn't it?