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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think other mothers don't lose their temper with their DC?

48 replies

diamondsandtiaras · 23/11/2010 15:27

I have found DD1 really difficult to deal with today. It's been one thing after the other, culminating in me having to remove her from soft play hell after half an hour for throwing the plastic balls at her baby sister.

We got home and I totally lost it with her and have put her in bed. I was really rough with her and smacked her arm.

Please flame me, I deserve it. And I can't stop crying.

OP posts:

Serendippy · 23/11/2010 15:29

YANBU to lose your temper. YABU to be rough with and smack your DD, but you know that. As long as it is not a regular occurance, chalk it up to experience, have a cuddle with DD and dorget about it.

Stay away from soft play!

APixieInMyTea · 23/11/2010 15:30

Hey, we all have our bad day's.

God knows I've had enough of them with my toddler.

Please don't smack though. That's no good for either of you.

Is she asleep. If not can you go give her a cuddle, say sorry and explain why you got angry?

DooinMeCleanin · 23/11/2010 15:30

I have a wonderfully calm day with my dds today. I have been at work and they have been at school/nursery/grandparents .

YABU. We all lose our temper and do things we regretr from time to time. Go and give your daughter a hug and tell her you are sorry for hitting for her, but she really shouldn't balls at her sister and then forget about it.

christmastime · 23/11/2010 15:30

you do not deserve flaming.everyone loses it once in a while. she will soon forget about it dont worry she wont hate you.

Onetoomanycornettos · 23/11/2010 15:31

Oh dear, yes, I have been there and have cried those tears. Of course other mothers lose their temper. Yes, in an ideal world, you wouldn't have smacked her arm, but I get the impression you are very upset yourself and not about to go for a repeat performance. Chalk it up to experience, give her a cuddle and tomorrow really will be another day.

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 23/11/2010 15:35

We've ALL been there. Seriously. Some days they just sap every ounce of your sanity.

Bramshott · 23/11/2010 15:36

Of course they do - just not while you're watching!

Sorry to hear that you lost it and smacked her arm though. Is she old enough to understand if you apologise later?

dontdisstheteens · 23/11/2010 15:36

I am not for smacking but on the other hand it dies not hurt for children to learn that even adults get things wrong and have to say sorry. A big hug and this vile day could turn out well. As for losing temper and lashing out at children, I rush I could say I have only done it once but all my boys have pushed me to the brink at times. Still my responsibility and you clearly feel the same but not a disaster honestly.

dontdisstheteens · 23/11/2010 15:38

Sorry iPhone and preview of the predictive text do not seem to go hand in hand!

Original poster

diamondsandtiaras · 23/11/2010 15:40

She's almost 3. She's gone to sleep......I think the behaviour has been largely due to tiredness. I will apologise to her when she wakes up.

I have smacked her a few times before. Each time it's happened I've promised myself it will never happen again.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mother. She deserves so much better.

OP posts:

GlynistheMenace · 23/11/2010 15:40

*makes OP a big cuppa, offers her a biscuit (fresh from oven) and gets tissues out

To have a good bawl with her

Sometimes our kids really push us, to see how far we'll go. Yours went too far today and will probably be a long long time before she pushes that far again.

YADBU, and IMO, any parent who hasn't lost it (however they reacted ) is telling huge porkies.

*Offers an huge fat-armed uncharacteristic MN hug {{{ }}}

APIMT, a tad patronising there...OP is feeling bad enough don't you think?

thumbwitch · 23/11/2010 15:41

YABU - we all have days like this! Anyone who claims they never lose their temper with their DC is, IMO, either on heavy drugs or lying.

As everyone has said, it's not like you make a habit of it - allow yourself a break here, she pushed you, you lost it, you are very upset that you lost it, you are unlikely to lose it again. Have you apologised for the arm-smacking? If not, do so - but make her understand that what she was doing was Not Ok.

Fernie3 · 23/11/2010 15:41

Everyone loses their temper it would be unnatural not to! The best thing to do is separate yourself, my children know that if I get " the look" and say in a sort of growly way " go and tidy your rooms" it doesnt mean tidy your rooms it means get the he'll out of my sight before I get really angry. Even my one year old knows that's the line.

I think it's really hard as well when you try to do something nice ( like soft play) and theu just act uo the whole time you feel like nothing is ever good enough!. My three year old once spent nearly half an hour cry in a soft play centre because he had short hair. He hadn't recently had it cut, no one had mentioned hair he just chose that moment to cry about his hair.

Havea relax, pick her up make friends apologise if you want and get ib with the day.just don't dwell on it,

solo · 23/11/2010 15:42

YANBU, I do it a lot, especially with Ds. It doesn't mean you are a bad Mother at all; it's a tough job.

coatgate · 23/11/2010 15:46

YANBU - But I would try not to smack. My DD is 11 now and I still shout way too much - but she just makes me so bloody cross sometimes. Her inbaility to ever be ready for school, find anything, practice anything, drives me insane. But I know in reality it is all my fault. On the other hand, we do have a lot of fun together.

Give her a big cuddle and try to forget it.

The3Bears · 23/11/2010 15:49

I have also had a bad day with ds, right now hes fast asleep on my leg. Hes been so tired and ratty all day, really been awful YANBU its really hard sometimes to keep calm :(

Original poster

diamondsandtiaras · 23/11/2010 15:50

I was actually more angry with myself than I was at her I think, and I took it out on her. Every time she does something wrong I feel like it must be because I have done something wrong and I'm not doing a good job of raising her. Being a mother is my only job and I can't seem to do it right.

It helps to talk though. Thanks for listening and replying.

OP posts:

APixieInMyTea · 23/11/2010 15:50

glynisthemeance

Was it? It wasn't mean to be so I apologise if so.

It was just a reminder that smacking doesn't make anything better. Sometimes I wish I had people around to remind me that shouting at my toddler won't make him behave any better. I obviously know it won't but in the heat of the moment you sometimes forget.

I'm not sure my post is coming across like it's supposed to. Sorry.

Fernie3 · 23/11/2010 15:53

Diamondsandtiaras bad mothers don't care how their children behave and they certainly don't feel bad for shouting at them. It's not ideal to smack but seriously just apologise and give her a hug, she will have forgotten about it by this evening. How old is your baby?

DooinMeCleanin · 23/11/2010 15:54

No-one gets it right 100% of the time diamonds. I cannot even remember all of the mistakes I have made. Sometimes it gets to the end of the day and I am in awe that my children have made it throiugh the day without and serious injury

The fact is you feel bad about what you did and angry with yourself, which itself shows you are not a bad mum. If you were you wouldn't give a shit about hitting, never mind actually spending an afternoon in the living hell that is soft play.

Original poster

diamondsandtiaras · 23/11/2010 15:58

She's 8 months Fernie. DD1 had 2 warnings and on the 3rd occasion we left (which is what I had told her would happen). Then had the battle to get shoes on/get in car/strap her in etc etc.

I just feel like I handle everything so badly, and when she's in that mood nothing I do or say will get her to cooperate. Obviously getting annoyed just makes the situation worse, but I don't seem to be able to deal with it any other way.

OP posts:

amijee · 23/11/2010 15:58

we are all human and the best parents in the world can lose it. You are not alone.

The best thing is to talk about it, as you are, and think of alternative coping strategies.

wintersnow · 23/11/2010 15:59

Yanbu, I have lost my temper & smacked DD in the past - albeit quite gently- I don't think that makes me a bad parent. Everyone loses their temper now and then, bringing up children is a difficult job, don't be too hard on yourself

IsItMeOr · 23/11/2010 16:02

It does sometimes seem like everybody else is an oasis of calm with their DCs, doesn't it?

I try to be, and succeed a lot of the time. But not always. Sometimes I'm just tired and 20mo DS is just too shouty. I have picked DS up roughly and put him out of reach of whatever he was doing. Not smacked, but feel bad about the grabbing.

We do our best as parents, and you are a long way off the kind of terrible parenting that does serious damage to children. Give yourself a break, give DD a hug and an apology for the smack when she wakes up and move on. Toddlers seem to forgive and forget very quickly if we can.

GlynistheMenace · 23/11/2010 16:03

APIMT

maybe i'm feeling a tad touchy as i've been having a really trying time with mine own daughter

*holds out hand to shake - friends

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